Sunday, December 27, 2009
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Is your Marriage Partner a Cheater?
Is your Marriage Partner Cheating?
What are the most common signs of a partner who is cheating in the marriage? Here is a rapid analysis of the most common warning signs. Simply check off any traits you have seen in your relationship over the last 6 – 12 months. Be honest, because the future of your relationship together could depend on it.
Spiritual
____ You find your partner has been lying to you about a variety of topics
____ Your partner abandons their religious belief system
____ Your spouse seems more secretive or deceptive
____ Abandoning faith or previously held values or morals
____ Not trustworthy or constant violations of trust
____ Secrecy or unusual activity that is very out of character for them
____ Your partner is disrespectful or rude to those who hold traditional values
Behavioral
____ Mate is working longer hours on the job and not coming home as much
____ Your spouse has become lazy, especially with household responsibilities
____ Working late every day, with no noticeable increase of income or volume of work
____ Leaving very early for work
____ Increased use of the internet, emails, IM’s, texts, Facebook or Twitter
____ Unaccounted for time away from home
____ Additional mileage on odometer for no apparent reason
____ Smelling of perfume, nicotine or alcohol, like they have been to a club- not work
____ Increased use of alcohol/tobacco
____ Increased use of personal pager or cell phone, especially at odd times
____ New clothing or hair style, with tremendous attention to outward appearance
____ Increase in exercise/personal grooming
____ No longer wearing a wedding ring
____ Taking trips alone to the store or coffee shop, often for unexplained reasons
Financial
____ You notice charges on credit card statement that don’t make sense
____ Money becomes more of an issue between the two of you
____ Frequent fights over spending
____ Hiding phone bills or travel expenses
____ Lying about raises, bonuses, or overtime pay
____ Discovering secret checking accounts, savings accounts, credit cards, or PO boxes
____ Unexplained purchases on credit card bills
____ An increase in ATM cash withdrawals for no logical reason
____ Purchases of flowers, jewelry, lingerie, perfume, or other intimate gift items that the spouse didn’t receive
____ Discovering financial records (cancelled checks or utility bills) that indicate spouse has a separate residence
Emotional
____ Your spouse in indifferent to family events like birthdays, holidays, or family vacations
____ Your spouse seems bored. Bored with you, with their job, with kids, with hobbies, and basically with home life in general
____ Your spouse seems to want danger or thrills in their life
____ Your spouse has low self-esteem or insecurity about themselves
____ You notice your spouse has a sense of confusion about their identity
____ Your spouse gets very defensive if you mention suspicion of infidelity or affairs
____ Saying “It’s in your imagination” is a common excuse for their actions
Relational
____ Your spouse is suddenly more attentive to others than usual
____ Your spouse is dressing nicer, looking nicer to everyone but you
____ They don’t want to go anywhere or do anything with you anymore
____ You feel as if you are being avoided by your spouse
____ You have considerably less intimacy in your relationship
____ You notice less affection, kindness or tender connections in your relationship
____ You sex life is practically non-existent
____ You can’t get your spouse to communicate with you
____ You can’t even get your mate to fight with you because they are so detached
____ You spot withdrawal or restlessness when they have home or church activities
____ Leaving home during an argument instead of staying and working it out
____ They have new friends that you’ve never met or are not allowed to meet
____ Hang up or anonymous phone calls at your house
____ No longer interested in you or the things important to you
____ New sexual techniques or the pressure to perform uncomfortable sexual behaviors
____ Finding birth control items hidden away in secret places
____ Finding new or hidden lingerie/ sexy undergarments
____ Unusually close to a ‘friend’ of the opposite sex who they talk about often
____ Saying “I need space” from the relationship or home responsibilities
____ Saying “You should go on with your life” or “I’m not good enough for you”
____ Separation is not only to move out – but clearly to move on
Predictable Stages of Adultery
Nearly all affairs follow very specific patters they generally fall into six stages, according to several leading researchers which can last for a period of weeks, months or in rare cases, for years.
Adultery Level One- Conversational
They develop a close emotional bond. Sometimes it occurs on the Internet, at work, or in the neighborhood. They get to know each other. There’s a spark. They want more.
Adultery Level Two- Secrets & Lies
Things are heating up by keeping feelings for the other person a total secret. Lies, deception and cover-ups fuel the fire of lustful desire even more. They don’t tell their spouse or friends that they are attracted emotionally or romantically to this person. Fantasy is very powerful and pushes the secret relationship deeper into the shadows and darkness.
Adultery Level Three- Romantic Dating
They meet for lunch, workout together or play tennis. Even though a casual observer would call this type of relationship ‘dating’ the new lovers may not see it that way and fiercely defend their actions as innocent. They start seeing and doing everything together. They begin to tell themselves that this is just a work pal, just a friend, but can’t deny that they dress special and look forward to being with them, even for the most mundane of activities.
Adultery Level Four- Fatal Attraction
The romance and secrets keep heating up the secret relationship until an explosion of physical desire creates sexual contact. They justify that it “just happened” and can’t explain their actions, yet want more of the forbidden fruit.
Adultery Level Five- Discovery & Decisions
The secret affair is discovered by someone and a decision must be made to stop the lies, set boundaries and seek professional help to restore or to move forward with the new person.
Adultery Level Six- Restoration or Separation
Research shows that an overwhelming majority of people caught in an affair decide to restore their marriage. They say good bye to the secret lover for good and take bold steps to restore trust into the relationship. In seriously damaged relationships they may move out and move on to begin the process of ending the marriage through divorce to start with someone new.
How can you tell if a Relationship is really Friends or Lovers?
Secrecy-
You meet or talk with someone of the opposite sex you are romantically attracted to and feel that you can’t tell your spouse. This includes Internet, email, social networks, chat rooms, text messaging or Twitter.
Emotional Affairs-
Confiding things you are reluctant to tell your spouse creates emotional intimacy that grows greater in the new friendship than in the marriage. A common pattern is confining negative things about your marriage to the new partner. This is boldly signaling that, “I am vulnerable” or I’m available”, which tends to heat things up with the new person.
Sexual Chemistry-
It can occur even if both people don’t actually touch. Saying suggestive things to a new person, like, “I’m attracted to you,” or “I thought about you last night, but because I’m married I can’t do anything about it.” This tremendously increases the sexual tension by creating the desire to taste the ‘forbidden fruit.’
Side by side or face to face?
Remember the old saying – “Friends stand side by side, while lovers stand face to face,” We all need friends who support us and who encourage us to honor our commitments. Lovers are motivated to use the relationship to meet their needs and neglect other family members. One relationship is about adding value to the other person to meet their needs in a healthy and appropriate way, while the other is about immediate gratification to indulge selfish desires.
Friends will tell you truth and protect you from going down roads that will destroy the good things in your life. Lovers often play along with the deception, but everyone knows that the secret will one day come out and often in a shame filled way. When that happens, the chemistry of the affair is usually replaced by the despair of trying to rebuild broken trust. It can be done, but usually can’t be done alone.If you, or someone you care about is facing a secret affair- get help now!
Marriages can recover from shattered trust in time, but it is essential to have some professional guidance to prevent more pain. There are many options available to those who want to rebuild and I believe that is always for the best, no matter how complex the situation, there is a way to work things out if both people are just willing to try. Hey, someone you know might benefit from this resource, so help us to help them by sending it along with our prayer that they take bold action today, to avoid regrets tomorrow.
Reprint Permission- If this article helped you, you are invited to share it with your own list at work or church, forward it to friends and family or post it on your own site or blog. Just leave it intact. Please include the following paragraph in your reprint. "Reprinted with permission from the LifeWorks Group eNewsletter. Receive this valuable weekly resource by subscribing at www.LifeWorksGroup.org "
What are the most common signs of a partner who is cheating in the marriage? Here is a rapid analysis of the most common warning signs. Simply check off any traits you have seen in your relationship over the last 6 – 12 months. Be honest, because the future of your relationship together could depend on it.
Spiritual
____ You find your partner has been lying to you about a variety of topics
____ Your partner abandons their religious belief system
____ Your spouse seems more secretive or deceptive
____ Abandoning faith or previously held values or morals
____ Not trustworthy or constant violations of trust
____ Secrecy or unusual activity that is very out of character for them
____ Your partner is disrespectful or rude to those who hold traditional values
Behavioral
____ Mate is working longer hours on the job and not coming home as much
____ Your spouse has become lazy, especially with household responsibilities
____ Working late every day, with no noticeable increase of income or volume of work
____ Leaving very early for work
____ Increased use of the internet, emails, IM’s, texts, Facebook or Twitter
____ Unaccounted for time away from home
____ Additional mileage on odometer for no apparent reason
____ Smelling of perfume, nicotine or alcohol, like they have been to a club- not work
____ Increased use of alcohol/tobacco
____ Increased use of personal pager or cell phone, especially at odd times
____ New clothing or hair style, with tremendous attention to outward appearance
____ Increase in exercise/personal grooming
____ No longer wearing a wedding ring
____ Taking trips alone to the store or coffee shop, often for unexplained reasons
Financial
____ You notice charges on credit card statement that don’t make sense
____ Money becomes more of an issue between the two of you
____ Frequent fights over spending
____ Hiding phone bills or travel expenses
____ Lying about raises, bonuses, or overtime pay
____ Discovering secret checking accounts, savings accounts, credit cards, or PO boxes
____ Unexplained purchases on credit card bills
____ An increase in ATM cash withdrawals for no logical reason
____ Purchases of flowers, jewelry, lingerie, perfume, or other intimate gift items that the spouse didn’t receive
____ Discovering financial records (cancelled checks or utility bills) that indicate spouse has a separate residence
Emotional
____ Your spouse in indifferent to family events like birthdays, holidays, or family vacations
____ Your spouse seems bored. Bored with you, with their job, with kids, with hobbies, and basically with home life in general
____ Your spouse seems to want danger or thrills in their life
____ Your spouse has low self-esteem or insecurity about themselves
____ You notice your spouse has a sense of confusion about their identity
____ Your spouse gets very defensive if you mention suspicion of infidelity or affairs
____ Saying “It’s in your imagination” is a common excuse for their actions
Relational
____ Your spouse is suddenly more attentive to others than usual
____ Your spouse is dressing nicer, looking nicer to everyone but you
____ They don’t want to go anywhere or do anything with you anymore
____ You feel as if you are being avoided by your spouse
____ You have considerably less intimacy in your relationship
____ You notice less affection, kindness or tender connections in your relationship
____ You sex life is practically non-existent
____ You can’t get your spouse to communicate with you
____ You can’t even get your mate to fight with you because they are so detached
____ You spot withdrawal or restlessness when they have home or church activities
____ Leaving home during an argument instead of staying and working it out
____ They have new friends that you’ve never met or are not allowed to meet
____ Hang up or anonymous phone calls at your house
____ No longer interested in you or the things important to you
____ New sexual techniques or the pressure to perform uncomfortable sexual behaviors
____ Finding birth control items hidden away in secret places
____ Finding new or hidden lingerie/ sexy undergarments
____ Unusually close to a ‘friend’ of the opposite sex who they talk about often
____ Saying “I need space” from the relationship or home responsibilities
____ Saying “You should go on with your life” or “I’m not good enough for you”
____ Separation is not only to move out – but clearly to move on
Predictable Stages of Adultery
Nearly all affairs follow very specific patters they generally fall into six stages, according to several leading researchers which can last for a period of weeks, months or in rare cases, for years.
Adultery Level One- Conversational
They develop a close emotional bond. Sometimes it occurs on the Internet, at work, or in the neighborhood. They get to know each other. There’s a spark. They want more.
Adultery Level Two- Secrets & Lies
Things are heating up by keeping feelings for the other person a total secret. Lies, deception and cover-ups fuel the fire of lustful desire even more. They don’t tell their spouse or friends that they are attracted emotionally or romantically to this person. Fantasy is very powerful and pushes the secret relationship deeper into the shadows and darkness.
Adultery Level Three- Romantic Dating
They meet for lunch, workout together or play tennis. Even though a casual observer would call this type of relationship ‘dating’ the new lovers may not see it that way and fiercely defend their actions as innocent. They start seeing and doing everything together. They begin to tell themselves that this is just a work pal, just a friend, but can’t deny that they dress special and look forward to being with them, even for the most mundane of activities.
Adultery Level Four- Fatal Attraction
The romance and secrets keep heating up the secret relationship until an explosion of physical desire creates sexual contact. They justify that it “just happened” and can’t explain their actions, yet want more of the forbidden fruit.
Adultery Level Five- Discovery & Decisions
The secret affair is discovered by someone and a decision must be made to stop the lies, set boundaries and seek professional help to restore or to move forward with the new person.
Adultery Level Six- Restoration or Separation
Research shows that an overwhelming majority of people caught in an affair decide to restore their marriage. They say good bye to the secret lover for good and take bold steps to restore trust into the relationship. In seriously damaged relationships they may move out and move on to begin the process of ending the marriage through divorce to start with someone new.
How can you tell if a Relationship is really Friends or Lovers?
Secrecy-
You meet or talk with someone of the opposite sex you are romantically attracted to and feel that you can’t tell your spouse. This includes Internet, email, social networks, chat rooms, text messaging or Twitter.
Emotional Affairs-
Confiding things you are reluctant to tell your spouse creates emotional intimacy that grows greater in the new friendship than in the marriage. A common pattern is confining negative things about your marriage to the new partner. This is boldly signaling that, “I am vulnerable” or I’m available”, which tends to heat things up with the new person.
Sexual Chemistry-
It can occur even if both people don’t actually touch. Saying suggestive things to a new person, like, “I’m attracted to you,” or “I thought about you last night, but because I’m married I can’t do anything about it.” This tremendously increases the sexual tension by creating the desire to taste the ‘forbidden fruit.’
Side by side or face to face?
Remember the old saying – “Friends stand side by side, while lovers stand face to face,” We all need friends who support us and who encourage us to honor our commitments. Lovers are motivated to use the relationship to meet their needs and neglect other family members. One relationship is about adding value to the other person to meet their needs in a healthy and appropriate way, while the other is about immediate gratification to indulge selfish desires.
Friends will tell you truth and protect you from going down roads that will destroy the good things in your life. Lovers often play along with the deception, but everyone knows that the secret will one day come out and often in a shame filled way. When that happens, the chemistry of the affair is usually replaced by the despair of trying to rebuild broken trust. It can be done, but usually can’t be done alone.If you, or someone you care about is facing a secret affair- get help now!
Marriages can recover from shattered trust in time, but it is essential to have some professional guidance to prevent more pain. There are many options available to those who want to rebuild and I believe that is always for the best, no matter how complex the situation, there is a way to work things out if both people are just willing to try. Hey, someone you know might benefit from this resource, so help us to help them by sending it along with our prayer that they take bold action today, to avoid regrets tomorrow.
Reprint Permission- If this article helped you, you are invited to share it with your own list at work or church, forward it to friends and family or post it on your own site or blog. Just leave it intact. Please include the following paragraph in your reprint. "Reprinted with permission from the LifeWorks Group eNewsletter. Receive this valuable weekly resource by subscribing at www.LifeWorksGroup.org "
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Can God Love you with a Low Credit Score?
Will God Love Me if I have a Low Credit Score?
By Dwight Bain, Nationally Certified Counselor & Life Coach
Someone asked me this question recently, “Will God love me if I have a low credit score?” I couldn’t believe it! They were under so much pressure to be financially perfect they made the wrong connection between having limited financial resources and experiencing spiritual abundance. Your worth as a human being isn’t based on the amount of stuff you have or how you may appear to have it all together on the outside. The Bible says that God loves you, just because it’s you. Not because of wealth, good looks, a big house or great job. You don’t have to be perfect to experience God’s love, but you do have to reach out in dependence knowing that you need a relationship with Him. Prideful, independent people who push through life don’t stop to recognize their need for God until they are facing some type of crisis, (and in the crisis it’s always easier to reach out for God’s help). So the answer to the question is Yes, Yes, Yes!
God will love you if you have low credit, no credit or are homeless. His love for you isn’t based on your bank account. Consider this true story of some of the most powerful men on the planet before the US Great Depression in the 1930’s to see how fast wealth can go away, and how wrong priorities about money can end up destroying life.
The Great Depression changed the definition of Success
The 1920’s were referred to as the ‘roaring twenties’ because the US economy was doing so well after World War I. A group of the world's most successful and wealthiest men met at the Edgewater Beach Hotel in Chicago on a sunny day in 1923. Collectively, these powerful tycoons controlled more wealth than there was in the entire United States Treasury at the time. For year after year magazine and newspaper headlines had printed the stories of their business and financial successes and challenged the people of the world to follow their fine example of wealth management. However, here is the rest of the story of how their life ended after experiencing the financial collapse of the Great Depression.
1 - Charles Schwab - The president of the largest independent steel company - lived on borrowed money the last five years of his life, and died penniless.
2 - Richard Whitney - The president of the New York Stock Exchange - served time in Sing Sing prison.
3 - Albert Fall - A former member of the US President's Cabinet - was pardoned from prison so he could go home to die.
4 - Jesse Livermore - the greatest bear in Wall Street history at the time - committed suicide
5 - Leon Fraser - the president of the Bank of International Settlement - committed suicide.
6 - Ivar Krueger - the head of the world's greatest monopoly - committed suicide.
Worth is more important than Wealth
There have been countless numbers of powerful people since the Great Depression who have ended up with the same fate. When they lost their wealth it was like they had lost their worth. Your self-worth should be based out of your true identity inside… not based on your net financial worth on the outside. If you base your self-worth on your net-worth, then your moods will change by the day, perhaps even by the hour as financial markets are continually shifting with changing market conditions. If your self-worth is based on things that are eternal and unchanging, then your outlook on life will remain stable in spite of changing financial or career circumstances.
All of the men listed above learned how to make a great living for a while, but not one of them learned how to manage their life. They started well, looked strong but finished the race in disgrace. It is a terribly sad reminder of how true the words are spoken by Jesus thousands of years ago about people who put wealth ahead of worship. “For what does a man profit if he gains the whole world and loses his own soul?” (Matthew 16:26)
God loves you and wants a relationship with you, no matter what you have in your wallet. Rest in that good news as you make wise choices in your daily decisions that base your worth on who you are, not what you have. We all need to be aware of our finances, and to be good financial managers, as part of being a responsible and mature individual. However, money management isn’t the most important thing to God, you are! To give you some eternal perspective consider the rest of what Jesus taught on this subject, who said,
19"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 20But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. 24"No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money. 25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?
31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
So, does God just not care about money and financial stewardship? Of course not- God cares so much about wise financial management and accounting that there is an entire book of the Bible called “Numbers”. God sets a standard to be a wise financial manager of the resources He has placed in your hands. A good credit score is a reflection of a person who has been responsible to manage their bills and pay their expenses on time. It’s a reflection of financial discipline, not a reflection of personal value. And most of all, never forget that you are much more important and much more than just a number to God.
What can you do if your credit is shot because you’re behind on your bills?
Once you know God loves you in spite of low credit, it doesn’t take away the financial realities of being behind on bills. Yet what can you do if you are financially strapped without the resources to pay your bills on time? People feel pressure or even panic when they are out of control with money. It is a helpless feeling to have more bills than income so here are five principles to consider if you are facing money pressure to regain a feeling of control.
1) Mindset
You can control your mindset about finances by managing your intake of information. Don’t sit and watch financial shows on TV that make you more aware of your debt or your lack of income. That only drains away your mental energy to take positive action and can set you up for a spending relapse. Rather, focus your mind on things that will empower you to make positive changes.
2) Mood
You can control your mood about finances by choosing to manage what you do with your emotions. If you dwell on things that make you worry you will feel miserable and powerless. Instead take positive action to pray, journal, or talk to friends who have come through a tough time. Telling your story and listening to the stories of others will give you new strength.
3) Motivate
You can control your motivation by taking positive action. Being in a financial hole tends to rob energy to get up and do what you need to do. The longer you sit alone in the dark feeling afraid the further behind you will fall. Get up and reach out for help. There are wonderful organizations and individuals who can guide you to a stronger place financially without condemning you or making you feel like a failure. Google search groups like Crown Financial Concepts or Consumer Credit Counseling to find a support group near you.
4) Morale
You can control your morale, and that of your family who may be feeling overwhelmed financially by not letting every conversation be about money woes. Connect to positive people of faith, or read books of people who overcame incredible odds to find financial freedom. Author Dave Ramsey shares his testimony of how his family were near bankruptcy, yet worked together to find financial freedom, and now he travels the country to encourage others that they can make it out of a tough time by working together as a family with God’s help.
5) Message
You can control the message that you send by facing the truth of your financial situation with courage, instead of shame. Talk to your spouse, older children or close family about the changes that may need to take place to get back on track financially. Make calls to your creditors to let them know what’s going on because often they can provide some temporary financial relief through renegotiating the debt service. This will give you a sense of control of your finances, instead of your finances controlling you. Plus, it will help your family to grow along with you in faith, instead of you feeling like a failure alone. Stuffed emotional fears about finances can lead to desperation or isolation. Sharing those feelings will help you see that life is about more than money and that you are not facing your situation alone.
Finding greater Value because of great Pain
Finally, here are some encouraging words from my friend, psychologist Sandy Wilson in her book “Released from Shame” about how God can use a tough time to bring something positive on the other side. Listen to her words about Pearls.
“Pearls are the product of pain. For some unknown reason, the shell of the oyster gets pierced and an alien substance – like a grain of sand - slips inside. On the entry of that foreign irritant, all the resources within the tiny, sensitive oyster rush to the spot and begin to release healing fluids that otherwise would have remained dormant. By and by the irritant is covered and the wound is healed - by the pearl. No other gem has so fascinating a history. It is the symbol of stress - a healed wound... a precious, tiny jewel conceived through irritation, born of adversity, nursed by adjustments. Had there been no wounding, no irritating interruption, there could have been no pearl.”
God loves you and God can bring greater value to your life on the other side of a tough financial time, often by helping you see that what matters in life are the things that money can’t buy. As you gain a deeper spiritual faith, your life will feel more in control and you can feel peace instead of panic when facing a financial test, or any other test for that matter. And remember that there is no testimony without a test. So whatever you are facing today, may you be encouraged to walk through it with God. His love will always be there for you.
Reprint Permission- If this article was helpful you are invited to share it electronically or in print with your own list at work or church, forward it to friends and family or post it on your own site or blog. Just leave it intact and do not alter it in any way. Please include the following paragraph in your reprint and thanks for helping us to help others by spreading the word. "Reprinted with permission from the LifeWorks Group, www.LifeWorksGroup.org eNews (Copyright, 2004-2009, by the LifeWorks Group)"
About the author- Dwight Bain is dedicated to helping people achieve greater results. He is a Nationally Certified Counselor, Certified Life Coach and Certified Family Law Mediator in practice since 1984 with a primary focus on solving crisis events and managing major change. He partners with media, major corporations and non-profit organizations to make a positive difference in our culture. Access more counseling and coaching resources designed to save you time by solving stressful situations by visiting his counseling blog with almost 200 complimentary articles and special reports at www.LifeWorksGroup.org
Introverts, Extroverts and the 4 Personalities
Introverts, Extroverts and the 4 Personalities
By Dwight Bain, Nationally Certified Counselor and Certified Life Coach
“Why did you do that?” asked Molly, a busy mother of three kids to her youngest and loudest child. “I don’t know” was the only reply, leaving Molly feeling really frustrated and helpless about what to do to figure out how to effectively parent her little boy.
What about you, have you ever wondered why the people around you do some of the things they do? Well if you do you are not alone because parents and pastors, scientists and doctors have been studying human personality for thousands of years to figure out how to respond to some of the seemingly odd things people do.
If you want to solve conflicts at home or work then you need to take time to map out the personalities around you. Personality is important to understand because it allows you to rapidly and intelligently respond to the continual situations that pop up in marriage or family relationships. If you want more peace and fewer power struggles then get your legal pad out as we work together to map out the personalities around you.
“I was Born that Way- so deal with it”
A common reaction that people use to justify their inappropriate behavior is that they were born that way, which is partially true. People really are born a certain way, designed by God for a purpose. We know the majority of your personality is already there when you are born, and the remainder of personality development comes from early childhood or school experiences. That’s why you will sometimes notice that a son or daughter may act or look remarkably like an uncle they have never even met. DNA makes us that way, but the good news is that we don’t have to stay that way! God made us all different, which can really be irritating to some, but remember, it is for His greater purposes. The key is to figure out why the people around you do the things they do so you know how to respond to achieve a greater result, and not be frustrated in the process.
The study of personality types, (or what authors Tim LaHaye and Florence Littauer call “Temperments&rdquo isn’t new, because Hippocrates, a Greek physician was the first to track 4 specific personalities hundreds of years before the time of Christ. He noticed that there were distinct differences in people, and through the centuries many other researcher have noticed the same. Here are some common elements to keep in mind as you begin to map out the personality of the people around you.
Introverts are the most common type of personality. These individuals are not necessarily shy, but they do prefer quiet. Introverts are energized by calm and peaceful settings, being out in nature, enjoying the environment, soothing music or entertainment and the company of a few close friends or pets. They get their emotional batteries charged through these type of experiences and are drained by large crowds and loud events, which is why they like to have space and not be crowed. When an introvert is under stress they tend to hold their emotions inside until they literally erupt with tears or anger and then when the flood of emotions pass they hate that they lost control of themselves.
Extroverted personalities are not as common, but they make up for it with volume. As you begin to map out the people in your life it’s not hard to spot these folks. They fill up a room with their oversized personalities. They are energized by loud events and lengthy experiences because they seem to never get enough and don’t want the day to end. Concerts, sports, parades, big cities, New Year parties, trade shows, theme parks, seminars; it doesn’t matter, because the louder and more crowded the better! Remember, they pull energy from the environment around them, (which exhausts the introverts who probably were coaxed into going with them). Their emotional batteries are charged up by these loud experiences and can go on and on like the Energizer Bunny™ seemingly for days without sleep when doing something they enjoy. You usually don’t have to guess about what they are thinking, because they sometimes impulsively just ‘tell it like it is’, which can hurt feelings of sensitive personalities, while giving them relief to have dumped their emotions out for others to deal with.
The four most common personality traits that Hippocrates noticed are listed for you to begin to map out your family members, coworkers and friends. And here’s a tip. If you take time to map out your own personality it’s a lot easier to spot traits in others, as well as know how to respond. Plus, there are the corresponding letters listed from the DiSC personality assessment, which is used in a lot of business and educational settings for your comparison in mapping out why the people around you do the things they do.
The 2 Extroverted Personality Types
The Choleric, (or high D on the DiSC) is a task oriented individual who prefers to be out front leading. This high energy individual is driven, ambitious, and usually goal oriented toward the things that are important to them. This personality group like to lead and motivate others to accomplish their goals and can sometimes overpower others or step on their feelings. Leaders in politics, the military and business are often from this group, which is the smallest percentage of the 4 types, but by far the most aggressive. On a negative note, Choleric personalities can become easily angry or moody when things don’t go their way and aren’t afraid to create a conflict to get people moving toward the goals. In the Bible the Apostle Paul is most like the powerful Choleric personality.
The Sanguine, (or high I on the DiSC), is a people oriented person who loves to have a good time, sometimes at the expense of others. They fill up a room as the loudest of the two extroverted personalities and are often great verbal communicators, which is why they love to be on stage entertaining others. Sanguine personalities love to meet new people, but often forget their names the moment they meet them! Leaders in entertainment, comedy, media, drama, ministry, public speaking and music are often from this group. Rarely on time, the Sanguine personality can be impulsive, unmotivated and can come across as egotistical and self-absorbed but usually don’t really mean to hurt the feelings of others. They are just so busy in their world that they forget there are 7 billion other people on the planet too. In the Bible the Apostle Peter is most like the popular Sanguine personality.
The 2 Introverted Personality Types
The Phlegmatic, (or high S on the DiSC), is a people oriented person who likes to work at their own pace and not be pressured. They absolutely hate conflict and will do just about anything to get along with others. This is by far the largest personality group, since over half of people you meet are likely to be oriented as a Phlegmatic. They may have great ideas, but are sometimes too shy or embarrassed to step out and voice them, much to the frustration of the people who can see past their lack of confidence to spot their real potential. This group likes to have a few close family or friends and like to spend all of their time with the people they already know, so they don’t venture out very far to make new acquaintances. This is why the loss of a friend from a move or breakup can be so devastating to a Phlegmatic because they aren’t usually comfortable going out to meet strangers. They are stable and likeable people who can have great success in management, administration, nursing or education. The most loyal of the 4 personalities, they are also the most sensitive. They are gentle and compassionate individuals with big hearts which allow them to quickly spot the needs of others, but can easily get their own feelings hurt because of this overly sensitive side. They don’t like change and love to keep life predictable; which is why they work so hard to keep things stable in their family, school or work situation. The Biblical patriarch Abraham who was called “the friend of God” is a great example of a peaceful Phlegmatic personality.
The Melancholic, (or high C on the DiSC), is a task oriented personality who can be organized and overly conscious of details which is why they are considered by many to be perfectionistic; but only at the things which are important to them. They are often the most creative of the 4 personality types, both in the arts or in solving complex problems. This personality type is likely to be so quiet that they don’t reach out to make a lot of friends, but can be gentle and compassionate when you take time to get to know them. They think far more than talk, so when they voice their opinion they usually have a lot to say. That’s why you need to listen carefully to Melancholic’s since they may go back into what some people call their introverted ‘cave’ because they often would prefer to spend time with their own thoughts than spending time with others. They can be moody from suppressing so many emotions, which can come across as depressive, sullen, temperamental or critical. There are many careers where this personality can excel, because many authors, musicians, accountants, scientists and researchers have this trait. Perfect Melancholic’s are always driven to do things right so it is no wonder that the best example from the Bible is the great leader Moses who penned the ten commandments.
More to mapping out Personality
Remember, personality is a basic element inside each person, but there are also many factors to consider when mapping out the best approach to respond and achieve better results at home or at work. Birth-order, age, gender, family background, life experiences and education can heavily influence our behavior. If you want to explore this in greater detail, there are many books to guide your steps and here are a few to get you started:
Personality Plus- by Florence Littauer
Discovering your child design- by Ralph Mattson & Thom Black
Raising Children on Purpose- by Wesley H. Fleming
The Two Sides of Love- by Gary Smalley and John Trent
Plus, one of my daughter’s favorite children’s books called “The Treasure Tree” illustrates discovering personality for kids. It was written by my friends Gary Smalley & John Trent to help kids understand their unique design and includes a simple personality profile that corresponds to the characters in the book. Here’s a copy to use as you discover your own personality, or the person you are mapping to better understand.
Dr. Gary Smalley and Dr. John Trent's Rapid Personality Inventory
To balance our love with others, we’ve got to understand what particular personality strengths can push us toward either extreme. We’ve provided a short test that can help you recognize and value another person’s strengths as well as your own.
In the personal strength survey, circle a few simple words describing yourself. Then, with that information, we’ll show you specifically what your unique strengths are and why they make you such a valuable person in all your relationships.
To complete the instrument, just read through the four categories below (L, B, O, and G), and circle each word or phrase that seems to describe a consistent character trait of yours. Next, add up the number of words and phrases you circled in each category. Then double your score to come up with a total in each section.
L (Choleric)
Likes Authority, Confident, Firm, Enjoys Challenges, Problem Solver, Bold, Goal Driven, Strong-Willed, Self-Reliant, Persistent, Takes Charge, Determined, Enterprising, Competitive, Productive, Purposeful, Adventurous, Independent, Controlling, Action-Oriented
"Let's do it now!" Double the number Circled _____
O (Sanguine)
Enthusiastic, Visionary, Energetic, Promoter, Mixes Easily, Fun-Loving, Spontaneous, Creative, New Ideas, Optimistic, Infectious Laughter, Takes Risks, Motivator, Very Verbal, Friendly, Enjoys Popularity, Likes Variety, Enjoys Change, Group Oriented, Initiator, Inspirational
"Trust me! It'll work out!" Double the number Circled _____
G (Phlegmatic)
Sensitive Feelings, Calm, Non-Demanding, Avoids Confrontations, Enjoys Routine, Warm and elational, Adaptable, Thoughtful, Patient, Good Listener, Loyal, Even-Keeled, Gives In, Indecisive, Dislikes Change, Dry Humor, Sympathetic, Nurturing, Tolerant, Peace-Maker
"Let's keep things the way they are." Double the number Circled _____
B (Melancholic)
Enjoys Instruction, Consistent, Reserved, Practical, Factual, Perfectionist, Detailed, Inquisitive, Persistent, Sensitive, Accurate, Controlled, Predictable, Orderly, Conscientious, Discerning, Analytical, Precise, Scheduled, Deliberate
"How was it done in the past?" Double the number Circled _____
You’ve taken the test, but what does it all mean? The four letters at the top of each section stand for the four basic personality types, which we’ve chosen to picture by using animals: Lions, Beavers, Otters, and Golden Retrievers.
Scoring high on the L line are those we call LIONS. Lions are take charge leaders. They’re usually the bosses at work, or at least think they are! They’re decisive, bottom line folks who are doers, not watchers or listeners. They love to solve problems. Unfortunately, however, if the lions don’t learn to use both sides of love, their natural hard-side bent can cause problems with others.
Scoring high on the B line are those we call BEAVERS. Beavers have a strong need to do things right and by the book. In fact, they’re the kind who actually read the instruction manuals. They like maps, charts, and organization. And they’re great at providing quality control for a home or office. Because rules, consistency and high standards are so important to beavers, they often communicate the hard side of love to others just like the lion. Beavers have deep feelings for those they love. But learning to balance the two sides of love usually involves adding the ability to communicate that softness and warmth in a way that’s felt and clearly understood by others.
Scoring high on the O line are those we call OTTERS. Otters are excitable, fun-seeking, cheerleader types who love to yak, yak, yak. They’re great at motivating others and need to be in an environment where they get to talk and have a vote on major decisions. Otter’s outgoing nature makes them great networkers – they usually know people who know people who know people. The only problem is they usually don’t know everyone’s name. They can be very soft and encouraging with others (unless under pressure, when they tend to use their verbal skills to attack). But because of their strong desire to be liked, they can often fail to be hard on problems and cause further ones.
Scoring high on the G line are the GOLDEN RETRIEVERS. These people are just like their counter-parts in nature. If you could pick one word to describe them it would be loyalty. They’re so loyal, in fact, that they can absorb the most emotional pain and punishment in relationships and still stay committed. Golden retrievers are great listeners, empathizers and warm encouragers – all strong, soft side skills. But they tend to be such pleasers that they can have great difficulty in adding the hard side of love when it’s needed
Encouragement about Personality Mapping
God made each person for a special purpose, and when you discover your basic personality, you also can wisely map out so many major decisions in life, including the type of relationships, schools, churches or companies where you can most easily succeed. Personality helps determine the kind of hobbies, vacations and entertainment that you will most easily connect to. In short, life is easier when you know your personality and conflict is greatly reduced. If you want to know more, visit the websites of authors like John Trent, Gary Smalley or Florence Littauer or contact a counselor who specializes in personality testing to discover the dynamics that drive you and the people around you to do the things you do.
Reprint Permission- If this article helped you, you are invited to share it with your own list at work or church, forward it to friends and family or post it on your own site or blog. Just leave it intact and do not alter it in any way. Any links must remain in the article. Please include the following paragraph in your reprint."Reprinted with permission from the LifeWorks Group weekly eNews, (Copyright, 2004-2009), To subscribe to this valuable counseling and coaching resource visit www.LifeWorksGroup.org or call 407-647-7005"
About the author- Dwight Bain is dedicated to helping people achieve greater results. He is a Nationally Certified Counselor, Certified Life Coach and Certified Family Law Mediator in practice since 1984 with a primary focus on solving crisis events and managing major change.
By Dwight Bain, Nationally Certified Counselor and Certified Life Coach
“Why did you do that?” asked Molly, a busy mother of three kids to her youngest and loudest child. “I don’t know” was the only reply, leaving Molly feeling really frustrated and helpless about what to do to figure out how to effectively parent her little boy.
What about you, have you ever wondered why the people around you do some of the things they do? Well if you do you are not alone because parents and pastors, scientists and doctors have been studying human personality for thousands of years to figure out how to respond to some of the seemingly odd things people do.
If you want to solve conflicts at home or work then you need to take time to map out the personalities around you. Personality is important to understand because it allows you to rapidly and intelligently respond to the continual situations that pop up in marriage or family relationships. If you want more peace and fewer power struggles then get your legal pad out as we work together to map out the personalities around you.
“I was Born that Way- so deal with it”
A common reaction that people use to justify their inappropriate behavior is that they were born that way, which is partially true. People really are born a certain way, designed by God for a purpose. We know the majority of your personality is already there when you are born, and the remainder of personality development comes from early childhood or school experiences. That’s why you will sometimes notice that a son or daughter may act or look remarkably like an uncle they have never even met. DNA makes us that way, but the good news is that we don’t have to stay that way! God made us all different, which can really be irritating to some, but remember, it is for His greater purposes. The key is to figure out why the people around you do the things they do so you know how to respond to achieve a greater result, and not be frustrated in the process.
The study of personality types, (or what authors Tim LaHaye and Florence Littauer call “Temperments&rdquo isn’t new, because Hippocrates, a Greek physician was the first to track 4 specific personalities hundreds of years before the time of Christ. He noticed that there were distinct differences in people, and through the centuries many other researcher have noticed the same. Here are some common elements to keep in mind as you begin to map out the personality of the people around you.
Introverts are the most common type of personality. These individuals are not necessarily shy, but they do prefer quiet. Introverts are energized by calm and peaceful settings, being out in nature, enjoying the environment, soothing music or entertainment and the company of a few close friends or pets. They get their emotional batteries charged through these type of experiences and are drained by large crowds and loud events, which is why they like to have space and not be crowed. When an introvert is under stress they tend to hold their emotions inside until they literally erupt with tears or anger and then when the flood of emotions pass they hate that they lost control of themselves.
Extroverted personalities are not as common, but they make up for it with volume. As you begin to map out the people in your life it’s not hard to spot these folks. They fill up a room with their oversized personalities. They are energized by loud events and lengthy experiences because they seem to never get enough and don’t want the day to end. Concerts, sports, parades, big cities, New Year parties, trade shows, theme parks, seminars; it doesn’t matter, because the louder and more crowded the better! Remember, they pull energy from the environment around them, (which exhausts the introverts who probably were coaxed into going with them). Their emotional batteries are charged up by these loud experiences and can go on and on like the Energizer Bunny™ seemingly for days without sleep when doing something they enjoy. You usually don’t have to guess about what they are thinking, because they sometimes impulsively just ‘tell it like it is’, which can hurt feelings of sensitive personalities, while giving them relief to have dumped their emotions out for others to deal with.
The four most common personality traits that Hippocrates noticed are listed for you to begin to map out your family members, coworkers and friends. And here’s a tip. If you take time to map out your own personality it’s a lot easier to spot traits in others, as well as know how to respond. Plus, there are the corresponding letters listed from the DiSC personality assessment, which is used in a lot of business and educational settings for your comparison in mapping out why the people around you do the things they do.
The 2 Extroverted Personality Types
The Choleric, (or high D on the DiSC) is a task oriented individual who prefers to be out front leading. This high energy individual is driven, ambitious, and usually goal oriented toward the things that are important to them. This personality group like to lead and motivate others to accomplish their goals and can sometimes overpower others or step on their feelings. Leaders in politics, the military and business are often from this group, which is the smallest percentage of the 4 types, but by far the most aggressive. On a negative note, Choleric personalities can become easily angry or moody when things don’t go their way and aren’t afraid to create a conflict to get people moving toward the goals. In the Bible the Apostle Paul is most like the powerful Choleric personality.
The Sanguine, (or high I on the DiSC), is a people oriented person who loves to have a good time, sometimes at the expense of others. They fill up a room as the loudest of the two extroverted personalities and are often great verbal communicators, which is why they love to be on stage entertaining others. Sanguine personalities love to meet new people, but often forget their names the moment they meet them! Leaders in entertainment, comedy, media, drama, ministry, public speaking and music are often from this group. Rarely on time, the Sanguine personality can be impulsive, unmotivated and can come across as egotistical and self-absorbed but usually don’t really mean to hurt the feelings of others. They are just so busy in their world that they forget there are 7 billion other people on the planet too. In the Bible the Apostle Peter is most like the popular Sanguine personality.
The 2 Introverted Personality Types
The Phlegmatic, (or high S on the DiSC), is a people oriented person who likes to work at their own pace and not be pressured. They absolutely hate conflict and will do just about anything to get along with others. This is by far the largest personality group, since over half of people you meet are likely to be oriented as a Phlegmatic. They may have great ideas, but are sometimes too shy or embarrassed to step out and voice them, much to the frustration of the people who can see past their lack of confidence to spot their real potential. This group likes to have a few close family or friends and like to spend all of their time with the people they already know, so they don’t venture out very far to make new acquaintances. This is why the loss of a friend from a move or breakup can be so devastating to a Phlegmatic because they aren’t usually comfortable going out to meet strangers. They are stable and likeable people who can have great success in management, administration, nursing or education. The most loyal of the 4 personalities, they are also the most sensitive. They are gentle and compassionate individuals with big hearts which allow them to quickly spot the needs of others, but can easily get their own feelings hurt because of this overly sensitive side. They don’t like change and love to keep life predictable; which is why they work so hard to keep things stable in their family, school or work situation. The Biblical patriarch Abraham who was called “the friend of God” is a great example of a peaceful Phlegmatic personality.
The Melancholic, (or high C on the DiSC), is a task oriented personality who can be organized and overly conscious of details which is why they are considered by many to be perfectionistic; but only at the things which are important to them. They are often the most creative of the 4 personality types, both in the arts or in solving complex problems. This personality type is likely to be so quiet that they don’t reach out to make a lot of friends, but can be gentle and compassionate when you take time to get to know them. They think far more than talk, so when they voice their opinion they usually have a lot to say. That’s why you need to listen carefully to Melancholic’s since they may go back into what some people call their introverted ‘cave’ because they often would prefer to spend time with their own thoughts than spending time with others. They can be moody from suppressing so many emotions, which can come across as depressive, sullen, temperamental or critical. There are many careers where this personality can excel, because many authors, musicians, accountants, scientists and researchers have this trait. Perfect Melancholic’s are always driven to do things right so it is no wonder that the best example from the Bible is the great leader Moses who penned the ten commandments.
More to mapping out Personality
Remember, personality is a basic element inside each person, but there are also many factors to consider when mapping out the best approach to respond and achieve better results at home or at work. Birth-order, age, gender, family background, life experiences and education can heavily influence our behavior. If you want to explore this in greater detail, there are many books to guide your steps and here are a few to get you started:
Personality Plus- by Florence Littauer
Discovering your child design- by Ralph Mattson & Thom Black
Raising Children on Purpose- by Wesley H. Fleming
The Two Sides of Love- by Gary Smalley and John Trent
Plus, one of my daughter’s favorite children’s books called “The Treasure Tree” illustrates discovering personality for kids. It was written by my friends Gary Smalley & John Trent to help kids understand their unique design and includes a simple personality profile that corresponds to the characters in the book. Here’s a copy to use as you discover your own personality, or the person you are mapping to better understand.
Dr. Gary Smalley and Dr. John Trent's Rapid Personality Inventory
To balance our love with others, we’ve got to understand what particular personality strengths can push us toward either extreme. We’ve provided a short test that can help you recognize and value another person’s strengths as well as your own.
In the personal strength survey, circle a few simple words describing yourself. Then, with that information, we’ll show you specifically what your unique strengths are and why they make you such a valuable person in all your relationships.
To complete the instrument, just read through the four categories below (L, B, O, and G), and circle each word or phrase that seems to describe a consistent character trait of yours. Next, add up the number of words and phrases you circled in each category. Then double your score to come up with a total in each section.
L (Choleric)
Likes Authority, Confident, Firm, Enjoys Challenges, Problem Solver, Bold, Goal Driven, Strong-Willed, Self-Reliant, Persistent, Takes Charge, Determined, Enterprising, Competitive, Productive, Purposeful, Adventurous, Independent, Controlling, Action-Oriented
"Let's do it now!" Double the number Circled _____
O (Sanguine)
Enthusiastic, Visionary, Energetic, Promoter, Mixes Easily, Fun-Loving, Spontaneous, Creative, New Ideas, Optimistic, Infectious Laughter, Takes Risks, Motivator, Very Verbal, Friendly, Enjoys Popularity, Likes Variety, Enjoys Change, Group Oriented, Initiator, Inspirational
"Trust me! It'll work out!" Double the number Circled _____
G (Phlegmatic)
Sensitive Feelings, Calm, Non-Demanding, Avoids Confrontations, Enjoys Routine, Warm and elational, Adaptable, Thoughtful, Patient, Good Listener, Loyal, Even-Keeled, Gives In, Indecisive, Dislikes Change, Dry Humor, Sympathetic, Nurturing, Tolerant, Peace-Maker
"Let's keep things the way they are." Double the number Circled _____
B (Melancholic)
Enjoys Instruction, Consistent, Reserved, Practical, Factual, Perfectionist, Detailed, Inquisitive, Persistent, Sensitive, Accurate, Controlled, Predictable, Orderly, Conscientious, Discerning, Analytical, Precise, Scheduled, Deliberate
"How was it done in the past?" Double the number Circled _____
You’ve taken the test, but what does it all mean? The four letters at the top of each section stand for the four basic personality types, which we’ve chosen to picture by using animals: Lions, Beavers, Otters, and Golden Retrievers.
Scoring high on the L line are those we call LIONS. Lions are take charge leaders. They’re usually the bosses at work, or at least think they are! They’re decisive, bottom line folks who are doers, not watchers or listeners. They love to solve problems. Unfortunately, however, if the lions don’t learn to use both sides of love, their natural hard-side bent can cause problems with others.
Scoring high on the B line are those we call BEAVERS. Beavers have a strong need to do things right and by the book. In fact, they’re the kind who actually read the instruction manuals. They like maps, charts, and organization. And they’re great at providing quality control for a home or office. Because rules, consistency and high standards are so important to beavers, they often communicate the hard side of love to others just like the lion. Beavers have deep feelings for those they love. But learning to balance the two sides of love usually involves adding the ability to communicate that softness and warmth in a way that’s felt and clearly understood by others.
Scoring high on the O line are those we call OTTERS. Otters are excitable, fun-seeking, cheerleader types who love to yak, yak, yak. They’re great at motivating others and need to be in an environment where they get to talk and have a vote on major decisions. Otter’s outgoing nature makes them great networkers – they usually know people who know people who know people. The only problem is they usually don’t know everyone’s name. They can be very soft and encouraging with others (unless under pressure, when they tend to use their verbal skills to attack). But because of their strong desire to be liked, they can often fail to be hard on problems and cause further ones.
Scoring high on the G line are the GOLDEN RETRIEVERS. These people are just like their counter-parts in nature. If you could pick one word to describe them it would be loyalty. They’re so loyal, in fact, that they can absorb the most emotional pain and punishment in relationships and still stay committed. Golden retrievers are great listeners, empathizers and warm encouragers – all strong, soft side skills. But they tend to be such pleasers that they can have great difficulty in adding the hard side of love when it’s needed
Encouragement about Personality Mapping
God made each person for a special purpose, and when you discover your basic personality, you also can wisely map out so many major decisions in life, including the type of relationships, schools, churches or companies where you can most easily succeed. Personality helps determine the kind of hobbies, vacations and entertainment that you will most easily connect to. In short, life is easier when you know your personality and conflict is greatly reduced. If you want to know more, visit the websites of authors like John Trent, Gary Smalley or Florence Littauer or contact a counselor who specializes in personality testing to discover the dynamics that drive you and the people around you to do the things you do.
Reprint Permission- If this article helped you, you are invited to share it with your own list at work or church, forward it to friends and family or post it on your own site or blog. Just leave it intact and do not alter it in any way. Any links must remain in the article. Please include the following paragraph in your reprint."Reprinted with permission from the LifeWorks Group weekly eNews, (Copyright, 2004-2009), To subscribe to this valuable counseling and coaching resource visit www.LifeWorksGroup.org or call 407-647-7005"
About the author- Dwight Bain is dedicated to helping people achieve greater results. He is a Nationally Certified Counselor, Certified Life Coach and Certified Family Law Mediator in practice since 1984 with a primary focus on solving crisis events and managing major change.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Moviéndonos más allá de las presiones & problemas de la Vida
Moviéndonos más allá de las presiones & problemas de la Vida
Una guía de recuperación sobre tensión y fatiga
Por: Dwight Bain, Consejero Nacional Certificado & Entrenador de Vida Certificado
Alguna vez se ha sentido completamente sobrecargado con la vida?
Ciertamente que a mi me ha pasado y probablemente a usted también en diversas ocasiones de la vida, puesto que cada uno sentimos presión sobre problemas en sus vidas. Sin embargo, los problemas y presiones son diferentes en diferentes etapas de la vida. Por ejemplo, para un adolescente su problema mas grande seria preocuparse porque no tiene una cita amorosa para la fiesta del prom, mientras que un padre podría preocuparse porque su hija tenga la cita amorosa con el muchacho incorrecto para la misma fiesta! La presión para una persona pudiera ser el sentimiento o pánico de no tener suficiente dinero, mientras para otra es estar sobrecargado por los impuestos que deben pagar por haber hecho más dinero del que esperaba. El aumento de tensión viene de varios ángulos que a menudo crean más grandes retos de salud de los que imaginamos. Cary Cooper, un profesor de la Universidad de Lancaster en Gran Bretaña, lo describe de esta manera, "La tensión, como asunto de salud; es probablemente la plaga negra del siglo 21."
La tensión, a menudo inicia pequeña, razón por la cual no lo pensamos mucho hasta que se vuelve incontrolable. Imagínese una serie de pequeños problemas aparentemente inofensivos que parecen saltar a través del día para crecer en intensidad como tornado en medio de un campo de maíz de Kansas a la hora de dormir. Si llegan uno a la vez pudiesen ser manejables, pero cuando son muchos juntos y parecen venir en docenas en diversas direcciones a la vez, se sienten como algo mas de lo que uno puede manejar … Es ahí cuando sabe que usted esta bajo sobrecarga de tensión y camino a quemarse. Y es eso lo que esta guía de recuperación en tensión pretende, ayudarle a identificar y aun de forma más importante, a solucionar.
Enfréntelo, la tensión diaria afecta todas las áreas de nuestras vidas y en alguna medida afecta a todo el mundo, pero no siempre de la misma forma. De acuerdo con una reciente encuesta "Harris" 75 por ciento de las personas dijeron que sintieron alguna o mucha tensión, mientras que el 23 por ciento experimentó muchísima tensión todos los días. Sus investigaciones cubrieron las 14 presiones más comunes que se creen ser causa de sobrecarga en tensiones, desde finanzas hasta la preocupación diaria sobre salud y hasta sentirse desconectado y solo en las relaciones.
Más de una en cada 5 personas se siente sobre cargada con tensión diariamente! - Estudio Harris
Las tensiones no resueltas pueden llevar al agotamiento que quema porque las presiones y problemas que pueden construirse en un área de la vida tienden a derramarse sobre otras áreas de la vida. Lo cual significa que no manejar la tensión y presión en un área de la vida, eventualmente tendrá un impacto negativo sobre las demás áreas como el nivel de energía, relaciones, salud, sueno, carrera, dinero, agendas, vida de hogar o aun dañar nuestro sentido en niveles de bienestar espiritual y emocional. La tensión comprime la cantidad de presión sicológica con la cual tenemos que lidiar, así sea que nos guste o no. Es por eso que tendemos a evadirlo, lo cual solo lo hace peor porque las tensiones diarias no resueltas pueden llevarnos a un nivel explosivo de pánico o si decidimos enfrentarlo, estas mismas presiones pueden ser rápidamente resueltas trayéndole a una posición de mayor paz y fortaleza interior.
LA TENSION PROVIENE DE SENTIMIENTOS FUERA DE CONTROL-
He aquí una declaración fundamental sobre moverse más allá de los cambios normales de la vida, sobreponiendo la tensión evitando quemazón- Usted tiene más control del que usted cree. Tiene mucho más poder para cambiar que lo que imagina. La Biblia enseña un principio sin limites sobre administrar la tensión cuando dice "Hermanos míos, gozaos profundamente cuando os halléis en diversas pruebas," (Santiago 1:2). Esto es porque las pruebas y retos nos empujan a lidiar con nuestros asuntos de carácter al crecer y cambiar. Una gran cantidad de presiones y problemas en nuestras vidas están basados en nuestra óptica sobre esos asuntos. Ve usted esas presiones y problemas como algo terrible que le ha de romper y dejarle más débil, o como presión positiva que eliminará inseguridades y temores para empujarle hacia el alcance de su potencial?
Desde la cuna hasta la tumba, la tensión afecta a todos, lo cual es buena noticia para algunos y no tan buena para otros. La no tan buena noticia es solo que no hay un lugar en el planeta en donde no tengas que lidiar con tensión porque nunca se acabara… Es parte de la vida. Si ve esto como malas noticias, por favor equilíbrelo con las buenas noticias de que es perfectamente parte normal del crecimiento a través de cada fase de la vida. Si, dije perfectamente normal porque cada uno tiene que lidiar con tensión si desean crecer fortalecidos. Se siente sobrecargado cuando hay tanto en tan corto periodo de tiempo, y con el ritmo rápido de la vida de estos días, todos estamos propensos a cargar con mucha tensión interna.
El investigador de tensiones, David Posen, MD, describe el problema de esta forma, "El problema causado por la tensión es la promoción de cambio en el mundo moderno. Usted casi no tiene tiempo para ajustar un cambio cuando ya tiene el próximo encima." Piense en ellos como un proceso que se ve como esta tabla:
La Vida causa Cambios
Los Cambios contienen Tensiones
Las Tensiones son difíciles de manejar
Y al otro lado de las tensiones hay fortaleza.
Crecemos en fortaleza mientras afrontamos situaciones que nos mueven adelante a través de la tensión y la presión para enfrentar nuestros temores yendo a un más profundo nivel de madurez y perspectiva. Así que, si su meta en la vida es tratar y hacer todo lo posible por evitar la tensión y presión entonces en alguna medida su meta es corta de vista, porque le dejará más débil e inmaduro que otros que enfrentan las tensiones con la ayuda de Dios para crecer más fuertes y llegar a ser más parecidos al propósito para el cual fueron diseñados a ser.
Síntomas de ALERTA sobre TENSIONES:
Como puede darse usted cuenta si usted tiene sobrecarga de tensión en vez de simplemente tener un mal día? Tome un minuto para mirar algunos de los síntomas siguientes de tensión que usted a sentido en forma regular en el ultimo mes. Mientras mas síntomas usted este experimentando en su físico, comportamiento, emociones, relaciones o vida espiritual, más grande la probabilidad de que usted de que este sobrecargado con tensión que lleva a fatiga en vez de crecer mas fuerte al otro lado de la tensión. (Recuerde, algunos de estos síntomas pueden indicar serios problemas de salud y deben ser conocidos por un medico o por un profesional certificado de la salud.
Síntomas de TENSION FISICA o de COMPORTAMIENTO:
__ Perdida de Energía __ Perdida de Sueno o Insomnio
__ Fatiga __ Indiferente o en nube mental
__ Boca Seca __ Ulceras
__ Dolores de Cabeza __ Migrañas
__ Fumar __ Respiración Corta
__ Falta de apetito __ Alcohol o abuso de drogas
__ Dependencia de Cafeína __ Inhabilidad para descansar
__ Sobre alimentación __ Presión arterial alta
__ Hiper-tensión __ I.B.S./Colitis
__ "Energía Nerviosa" __ Congestión de pecho o palpitaciones
__ Enfermedad Crónica __ Corazón acelerado
__ falta de apetito sexual __ Dolor crónico en coyunturas
__ Sin tiempo para relajarse __ Descuido de apariencia física
__ Dolor de espalda crónico __ Pesadillas o noches en terror
__ Incapaz de descansar __ llora fácil o no llora para nada
__ Preocupación de Salud __ tensión muscular (cuello/hombros)
__ Desorden en la piel __ desmayo o sensación de desmayo
__ Dolor abdominal __ Sudor o manos/pies fríos
__ Nausea o diarrea __ Creciente resfriado o síntomas
SINTOMAS de TENSION EMOTIONAL o RELACIONAL :
__ Dificultad de concentración __ Nerviosismo
__ Defensivo __ Fácil de irritación
__ Huir de los demás __ Critica o Sarcasmo
__ Retener problemas internos __ Adición a TV-Novelas, Deportes
__ Timidez __ Ansiedad o pánico
__ Apatía __ Evasión de emociones
__ Preocupación Financiera __ Vida en pasado o futuro
__ Poco humor __ "Apegamiento" o dependencia
__ Sin sentido de humor __ Sin compartir cargas con otros
__ Sentir desesperanza __ Sobre comprometido o sin balance
__ Sentir soledad __ Vida sin control
__ Falta de toma de Decisiones __ Sentimientos de fracaso
__ Olvido __ "Tipo A" personalidad impulsiva
__ Impaciencia __ Gran culpa o vergüenza
__ Perdida y dolor no resuelto __ Estado de alarma
__ Tension __ Depression or overwhelming sadness
__ Irritabilidad __ Confusión y opresión
__ Sobrecargado __ Decisiones impulsivas
__ Perfeccionismo __ Reducción productiva
__ Falta de descanso __ Distracción fácil
SINTOMAS DE TENSION ESPIRITUAL:
__ Evasión de necesidades espirituales __ Falta de Fe
__ Sin tiempo para orar __ Aumento de Dudas
__ Turbación interna __ Soledad Espiritual
__ Falta de paz o contentamiento __ Vacío Espiritual
__ Sin día de descanso __ Airado con Dios
__ Culpa pasada no resuelta __ Falta de paz interna
__ Dios parece estar "muy lejos" __ Creer que todos son hipócritas
Mientras más indicadores de advertencia son identificados por categoría o junto a múltiples categorías, mayor es la inclinación de tensión o "sobrecarga". Sin embargo, si tan solo unos pocos de estos síntomas relacionados con tensión están presentes, entonces no se preocupe por ello. En la vida la tensión es común, así que si un solo síntoma está presente, no es usualmente causa de alarma, sino una señal o dos, de que está usted vivo!
MOVIENDOSE DE TENSION A FORTALEZA
Una vez que se identifican los factores primarios que alimentan su tensión, entonces es tiempo de tomar acción positiva para cambiar. Algunas situaciones son tan complejas que usted no las puede manejar por si solo, pero puede tomar acción para moverse en la dirección correcta. Haga esto al hablar con otros abiertamente sobre lo que esta causando la presión.
Aun si usted siente que no puede hablar con alguien sobre sus problemas, usted puede orar sobre ellos, o escribir sus pensamientos en un diario. Recuerde, nadie puede resolver todos sus problemas por si solo, así que no tenga miedo de alcanzar gente a su derredor que lo pueda ayudar, como pastores, médicos, consejeros o llame por ayuda, (usted puede llamar al numero 211 en muchas ciudades para ser conectado con agencias de servicio social que están disponibles para ayudarle con las tensiones diarias). Usted siempre puede hacer algo positivo para enfrentar la tensión y la presión en su vida, pero necesita decidir tomar acción ahora antes que sus presiones aumenten y las cosas empeoren.
He aquí una serie de pasos pro activos que usted puede tomar cada día para construir su nivel personal de energía con estrategias para sobrellevar la tensión.
Mientras mayor acción positiva tome, más rápidamente se moverá de la tensión a fortaleza, mientras implementa las habilidades necesarias para hacer que su vida funcione mejor.
TECNICAS QUE AYUDAN CON TENSION FISICA Y DE COMPORTAMIENTO:
__ Dormir (7-9 horas) __ Dieta balanceada
__ Comidas regulares __ Respiración profunda
__ Ejercicio regular __ Tensión/relajamiento muscular
__ Abrazos/afecto __ Rutina regular diaria
__ Masaje __ Suficiente agua
__ Chequeos médicos o físicos __ Medicación (prescrita por su Doctor)
__ Tiempo en descanso o siestas __ Salir al sol
__ Caminata vigorosa __ Organizar tiempo y agenda
__ Aprender a usar un plan __ Tiempo regular en cama
__ Permítase tiempo extra en cosas __ Simplifique su estilo de vivir __ Elimine la acumulación __ Delegue o elimine eventos sin prioridad
__ Aprenda a organizar tareas __ Salga temprano,evite tapones de tráfico.
TECNICAS QUE AYUDAN CON TENSION EMOCIONAL Y RELACIONAL:
__ Tiempo de planeamiento __ Relaciones positivas
__ Construir estima positive __ Compartir sus cargas
__ Grupos de apoyo __ Consejería
__ Lidiar con problemas directamente __ Hablar abiertamente sobre enojo
__ Enfrentar el miedo abiertamente __ Reír y divertirse
__ Relajarse con amigos/familiares __ Lectura
__ Aprender a decir "No" __ Metas de corto plazo
__ pasatiempo/actividades __ Tomar nuevos retos
__ Aprender algo Nuevo __ Dejar el trabajo en el trabajo
__ Hacer bien a otros __ Lista de victorias y logros
__ Marca tu mismo paso __ Controlar el gasto
__ Documentar __ Administrar su carácter
TECNICAS QUE AYUDAN CON TENSION ESPIRITUAL:
__ Estudio Bíblico __ Aplicar principios bíblicos a la vida
__ Oración __ Eventos sociales/de recreo en iglesia
__ Adoración regular en casa de Fe
__ Música de Inspiración __ Unirse a grupo de apoyo en iglesia
__ Memorizar las escrituras __ Observe un día para descanso
__ Postes espirituales __ Mantenga prioridades en balance
__ Libros de inspiración __ Entienda que Dios le ama
__ "Re-crear" Energía espiritual __ Escuche mensajes de inspiración
__ Expresar mayor gratitud __ Experimente tiempo a solas con Dios
__ Eventos espirituales __ Talleres espirituales o clases
__ Perdonar para vivir __ Practique actos de bondad
Finalmente, recuerde el Viejo adagio que "Las cosas vienen para pasar - no para quedarse". No importa cuantos problemas esté atravesando hoy, estas han de pasar eventualmente. Si está en el camino correcto, moverse en dirección adecuada, traerá resultados adecuados. Es mi esperanza que usted comience ahora mismo a construir habilidades positivas que le lleven a manejar tensión en sus rutinas y vida diaria de forma que utilice tiempo y energía viviendo realmente en lugar de sentirse abatido. Usted no puede controlar el hecho de que la tensión venga a su vida, pero si puede controlar como manejarla y como responder a presiones y problemas que la vida trae a nuestro camino.
La opción es con miedo o enfrentando con disciplina y determinación. Un camino lleva al desgaste y el otro a estar mejor equipado como persona de fortaleza y carácter más sólido. Es tiempo de elegir un camino sabiamente, su vida y su salud serán mejores… o elegir pobremente y vivir en tranquila desesperación. Le reto a que sea hoy el tiempo de tomar acción valiente, para vivir mejor mientras se mueve más allá de las tensiones a vivir un nivel nuevo y exitoso.
Para más estudio sobre la recuperación de tensión, vaya a nuestras páginas cibernéticas:
www.webmd.com www.Family.org
NOTA: Siéntase libre en distribuir este recurso entre sus amigos, familia, compañeros de trabajo e iglesia, electrónicamente o impreso, bajo la premisa de que usted mantenga intacta la información sobre los autores en la parte inferior.
Sobre el Autor: Dwight Bain es un Consejero Nacional Certificado, Entrenador de Vida Certificado & Mediador Certificado en Ley de Familia. Practicante desde 1984 con foco primario en soluciones, eventos de crisis y manejo de cambios mayores.
Experto en incidentes críticos para administrar tensión con la oficina del Sheriff del condado de Orange; fundador de "StormStress.com" y entrenador para más de 1,500 grupos de negocios en tópico sobre cambios estratégicos para sobreponer grandes tensiones- tanto, personalmente como profesionalmente. El es un profesional y miembro de la Asociación Nacional de Oradores y aliados con corporaciones -organizaciones que hacen impacto positivo en nuestra cultura.
Obtenga recursos adicionales como complemento y entrenamiento en "The LifeWorks Group"'
Visitando su extensa publicación de "blog"; asi como reportes especiales diseñados para ahorrarle tiempo al resolver problemas estratégicamente en www.LifeworksGroup.org
Traducción a Español: cortesía de Sócrates Oscar Pérez Sperez7000@aol.com
Una guía de recuperación sobre tensión y fatiga
Por: Dwight Bain, Consejero Nacional Certificado & Entrenador de Vida Certificado
Alguna vez se ha sentido completamente sobrecargado con la vida?
Ciertamente que a mi me ha pasado y probablemente a usted también en diversas ocasiones de la vida, puesto que cada uno sentimos presión sobre problemas en sus vidas. Sin embargo, los problemas y presiones son diferentes en diferentes etapas de la vida. Por ejemplo, para un adolescente su problema mas grande seria preocuparse porque no tiene una cita amorosa para la fiesta del prom, mientras que un padre podría preocuparse porque su hija tenga la cita amorosa con el muchacho incorrecto para la misma fiesta! La presión para una persona pudiera ser el sentimiento o pánico de no tener suficiente dinero, mientras para otra es estar sobrecargado por los impuestos que deben pagar por haber hecho más dinero del que esperaba. El aumento de tensión viene de varios ángulos que a menudo crean más grandes retos de salud de los que imaginamos. Cary Cooper, un profesor de la Universidad de Lancaster en Gran Bretaña, lo describe de esta manera, "La tensión, como asunto de salud; es probablemente la plaga negra del siglo 21."
La tensión, a menudo inicia pequeña, razón por la cual no lo pensamos mucho hasta que se vuelve incontrolable. Imagínese una serie de pequeños problemas aparentemente inofensivos que parecen saltar a través del día para crecer en intensidad como tornado en medio de un campo de maíz de Kansas a la hora de dormir. Si llegan uno a la vez pudiesen ser manejables, pero cuando son muchos juntos y parecen venir en docenas en diversas direcciones a la vez, se sienten como algo mas de lo que uno puede manejar … Es ahí cuando sabe que usted esta bajo sobrecarga de tensión y camino a quemarse. Y es eso lo que esta guía de recuperación en tensión pretende, ayudarle a identificar y aun de forma más importante, a solucionar.
Enfréntelo, la tensión diaria afecta todas las áreas de nuestras vidas y en alguna medida afecta a todo el mundo, pero no siempre de la misma forma. De acuerdo con una reciente encuesta "Harris" 75 por ciento de las personas dijeron que sintieron alguna o mucha tensión, mientras que el 23 por ciento experimentó muchísima tensión todos los días. Sus investigaciones cubrieron las 14 presiones más comunes que se creen ser causa de sobrecarga en tensiones, desde finanzas hasta la preocupación diaria sobre salud y hasta sentirse desconectado y solo en las relaciones.
Más de una en cada 5 personas se siente sobre cargada con tensión diariamente! - Estudio Harris
Las tensiones no resueltas pueden llevar al agotamiento que quema porque las presiones y problemas que pueden construirse en un área de la vida tienden a derramarse sobre otras áreas de la vida. Lo cual significa que no manejar la tensión y presión en un área de la vida, eventualmente tendrá un impacto negativo sobre las demás áreas como el nivel de energía, relaciones, salud, sueno, carrera, dinero, agendas, vida de hogar o aun dañar nuestro sentido en niveles de bienestar espiritual y emocional. La tensión comprime la cantidad de presión sicológica con la cual tenemos que lidiar, así sea que nos guste o no. Es por eso que tendemos a evadirlo, lo cual solo lo hace peor porque las tensiones diarias no resueltas pueden llevarnos a un nivel explosivo de pánico o si decidimos enfrentarlo, estas mismas presiones pueden ser rápidamente resueltas trayéndole a una posición de mayor paz y fortaleza interior.
LA TENSION PROVIENE DE SENTIMIENTOS FUERA DE CONTROL-
He aquí una declaración fundamental sobre moverse más allá de los cambios normales de la vida, sobreponiendo la tensión evitando quemazón- Usted tiene más control del que usted cree. Tiene mucho más poder para cambiar que lo que imagina. La Biblia enseña un principio sin limites sobre administrar la tensión cuando dice "Hermanos míos, gozaos profundamente cuando os halléis en diversas pruebas," (Santiago 1:2). Esto es porque las pruebas y retos nos empujan a lidiar con nuestros asuntos de carácter al crecer y cambiar. Una gran cantidad de presiones y problemas en nuestras vidas están basados en nuestra óptica sobre esos asuntos. Ve usted esas presiones y problemas como algo terrible que le ha de romper y dejarle más débil, o como presión positiva que eliminará inseguridades y temores para empujarle hacia el alcance de su potencial?
Desde la cuna hasta la tumba, la tensión afecta a todos, lo cual es buena noticia para algunos y no tan buena para otros. La no tan buena noticia es solo que no hay un lugar en el planeta en donde no tengas que lidiar con tensión porque nunca se acabara… Es parte de la vida. Si ve esto como malas noticias, por favor equilíbrelo con las buenas noticias de que es perfectamente parte normal del crecimiento a través de cada fase de la vida. Si, dije perfectamente normal porque cada uno tiene que lidiar con tensión si desean crecer fortalecidos. Se siente sobrecargado cuando hay tanto en tan corto periodo de tiempo, y con el ritmo rápido de la vida de estos días, todos estamos propensos a cargar con mucha tensión interna.
El investigador de tensiones, David Posen, MD, describe el problema de esta forma, "El problema causado por la tensión es la promoción de cambio en el mundo moderno. Usted casi no tiene tiempo para ajustar un cambio cuando ya tiene el próximo encima." Piense en ellos como un proceso que se ve como esta tabla:
La Vida causa Cambios
Los Cambios contienen Tensiones
Las Tensiones son difíciles de manejar
Y al otro lado de las tensiones hay fortaleza.
Crecemos en fortaleza mientras afrontamos situaciones que nos mueven adelante a través de la tensión y la presión para enfrentar nuestros temores yendo a un más profundo nivel de madurez y perspectiva. Así que, si su meta en la vida es tratar y hacer todo lo posible por evitar la tensión y presión entonces en alguna medida su meta es corta de vista, porque le dejará más débil e inmaduro que otros que enfrentan las tensiones con la ayuda de Dios para crecer más fuertes y llegar a ser más parecidos al propósito para el cual fueron diseñados a ser.
Síntomas de ALERTA sobre TENSIONES:
Como puede darse usted cuenta si usted tiene sobrecarga de tensión en vez de simplemente tener un mal día? Tome un minuto para mirar algunos de los síntomas siguientes de tensión que usted a sentido en forma regular en el ultimo mes. Mientras mas síntomas usted este experimentando en su físico, comportamiento, emociones, relaciones o vida espiritual, más grande la probabilidad de que usted de que este sobrecargado con tensión que lleva a fatiga en vez de crecer mas fuerte al otro lado de la tensión. (Recuerde, algunos de estos síntomas pueden indicar serios problemas de salud y deben ser conocidos por un medico o por un profesional certificado de la salud.
Síntomas de TENSION FISICA o de COMPORTAMIENTO:
__ Perdida de Energía __ Perdida de Sueno o Insomnio
__ Fatiga __ Indiferente o en nube mental
__ Boca Seca __ Ulceras
__ Dolores de Cabeza __ Migrañas
__ Fumar __ Respiración Corta
__ Falta de apetito __ Alcohol o abuso de drogas
__ Dependencia de Cafeína __ Inhabilidad para descansar
__ Sobre alimentación __ Presión arterial alta
__ Hiper-tensión __ I.B.S./Colitis
__ "Energía Nerviosa" __ Congestión de pecho o palpitaciones
__ Enfermedad Crónica __ Corazón acelerado
__ falta de apetito sexual __ Dolor crónico en coyunturas
__ Sin tiempo para relajarse __ Descuido de apariencia física
__ Dolor de espalda crónico __ Pesadillas o noches en terror
__ Incapaz de descansar __ llora fácil o no llora para nada
__ Preocupación de Salud __ tensión muscular (cuello/hombros)
__ Desorden en la piel __ desmayo o sensación de desmayo
__ Dolor abdominal __ Sudor o manos/pies fríos
__ Nausea o diarrea __ Creciente resfriado o síntomas
SINTOMAS de TENSION EMOTIONAL o RELACIONAL :
__ Dificultad de concentración __ Nerviosismo
__ Defensivo __ Fácil de irritación
__ Huir de los demás __ Critica o Sarcasmo
__ Retener problemas internos __ Adición a TV-Novelas, Deportes
__ Timidez __ Ansiedad o pánico
__ Apatía __ Evasión de emociones
__ Preocupación Financiera __ Vida en pasado o futuro
__ Poco humor __ "Apegamiento" o dependencia
__ Sin sentido de humor __ Sin compartir cargas con otros
__ Sentir desesperanza __ Sobre comprometido o sin balance
__ Sentir soledad __ Vida sin control
__ Falta de toma de Decisiones __ Sentimientos de fracaso
__ Olvido __ "Tipo A" personalidad impulsiva
__ Impaciencia __ Gran culpa o vergüenza
__ Perdida y dolor no resuelto __ Estado de alarma
__ Tension __ Depression or overwhelming sadness
__ Irritabilidad __ Confusión y opresión
__ Sobrecargado __ Decisiones impulsivas
__ Perfeccionismo __ Reducción productiva
__ Falta de descanso __ Distracción fácil
SINTOMAS DE TENSION ESPIRITUAL:
__ Evasión de necesidades espirituales __ Falta de Fe
__ Sin tiempo para orar __ Aumento de Dudas
__ Turbación interna __ Soledad Espiritual
__ Falta de paz o contentamiento __ Vacío Espiritual
__ Sin día de descanso __ Airado con Dios
__ Culpa pasada no resuelta __ Falta de paz interna
__ Dios parece estar "muy lejos" __ Creer que todos son hipócritas
Mientras más indicadores de advertencia son identificados por categoría o junto a múltiples categorías, mayor es la inclinación de tensión o "sobrecarga". Sin embargo, si tan solo unos pocos de estos síntomas relacionados con tensión están presentes, entonces no se preocupe por ello. En la vida la tensión es común, así que si un solo síntoma está presente, no es usualmente causa de alarma, sino una señal o dos, de que está usted vivo!
MOVIENDOSE DE TENSION A FORTALEZA
Una vez que se identifican los factores primarios que alimentan su tensión, entonces es tiempo de tomar acción positiva para cambiar. Algunas situaciones son tan complejas que usted no las puede manejar por si solo, pero puede tomar acción para moverse en la dirección correcta. Haga esto al hablar con otros abiertamente sobre lo que esta causando la presión.
Aun si usted siente que no puede hablar con alguien sobre sus problemas, usted puede orar sobre ellos, o escribir sus pensamientos en un diario. Recuerde, nadie puede resolver todos sus problemas por si solo, así que no tenga miedo de alcanzar gente a su derredor que lo pueda ayudar, como pastores, médicos, consejeros o llame por ayuda, (usted puede llamar al numero 211 en muchas ciudades para ser conectado con agencias de servicio social que están disponibles para ayudarle con las tensiones diarias). Usted siempre puede hacer algo positivo para enfrentar la tensión y la presión en su vida, pero necesita decidir tomar acción ahora antes que sus presiones aumenten y las cosas empeoren.
He aquí una serie de pasos pro activos que usted puede tomar cada día para construir su nivel personal de energía con estrategias para sobrellevar la tensión.
Mientras mayor acción positiva tome, más rápidamente se moverá de la tensión a fortaleza, mientras implementa las habilidades necesarias para hacer que su vida funcione mejor.
TECNICAS QUE AYUDAN CON TENSION FISICA Y DE COMPORTAMIENTO:
__ Dormir (7-9 horas) __ Dieta balanceada
__ Comidas regulares __ Respiración profunda
__ Ejercicio regular __ Tensión/relajamiento muscular
__ Abrazos/afecto __ Rutina regular diaria
__ Masaje __ Suficiente agua
__ Chequeos médicos o físicos __ Medicación (prescrita por su Doctor)
__ Tiempo en descanso o siestas __ Salir al sol
__ Caminata vigorosa __ Organizar tiempo y agenda
__ Aprender a usar un plan __ Tiempo regular en cama
__ Permítase tiempo extra en cosas __ Simplifique su estilo de vivir __ Elimine la acumulación __ Delegue o elimine eventos sin prioridad
__ Aprenda a organizar tareas __ Salga temprano,evite tapones de tráfico.
TECNICAS QUE AYUDAN CON TENSION EMOCIONAL Y RELACIONAL:
__ Tiempo de planeamiento __ Relaciones positivas
__ Construir estima positive __ Compartir sus cargas
__ Grupos de apoyo __ Consejería
__ Lidiar con problemas directamente __ Hablar abiertamente sobre enojo
__ Enfrentar el miedo abiertamente __ Reír y divertirse
__ Relajarse con amigos/familiares __ Lectura
__ Aprender a decir "No" __ Metas de corto plazo
__ pasatiempo/actividades __ Tomar nuevos retos
__ Aprender algo Nuevo __ Dejar el trabajo en el trabajo
__ Hacer bien a otros __ Lista de victorias y logros
__ Marca tu mismo paso __ Controlar el gasto
__ Documentar __ Administrar su carácter
TECNICAS QUE AYUDAN CON TENSION ESPIRITUAL:
__ Estudio Bíblico __ Aplicar principios bíblicos a la vida
__ Oración __ Eventos sociales/de recreo en iglesia
__ Adoración regular en casa de Fe
__ Música de Inspiración __ Unirse a grupo de apoyo en iglesia
__ Memorizar las escrituras __ Observe un día para descanso
__ Postes espirituales __ Mantenga prioridades en balance
__ Libros de inspiración __ Entienda que Dios le ama
__ "Re-crear" Energía espiritual __ Escuche mensajes de inspiración
__ Expresar mayor gratitud __ Experimente tiempo a solas con Dios
__ Eventos espirituales __ Talleres espirituales o clases
__ Perdonar para vivir __ Practique actos de bondad
Finalmente, recuerde el Viejo adagio que "Las cosas vienen para pasar - no para quedarse". No importa cuantos problemas esté atravesando hoy, estas han de pasar eventualmente. Si está en el camino correcto, moverse en dirección adecuada, traerá resultados adecuados. Es mi esperanza que usted comience ahora mismo a construir habilidades positivas que le lleven a manejar tensión en sus rutinas y vida diaria de forma que utilice tiempo y energía viviendo realmente en lugar de sentirse abatido. Usted no puede controlar el hecho de que la tensión venga a su vida, pero si puede controlar como manejarla y como responder a presiones y problemas que la vida trae a nuestro camino.
La opción es con miedo o enfrentando con disciplina y determinación. Un camino lleva al desgaste y el otro a estar mejor equipado como persona de fortaleza y carácter más sólido. Es tiempo de elegir un camino sabiamente, su vida y su salud serán mejores… o elegir pobremente y vivir en tranquila desesperación. Le reto a que sea hoy el tiempo de tomar acción valiente, para vivir mejor mientras se mueve más allá de las tensiones a vivir un nivel nuevo y exitoso.
Para más estudio sobre la recuperación de tensión, vaya a nuestras páginas cibernéticas:
www.webmd.com www.Family.org
NOTA: Siéntase libre en distribuir este recurso entre sus amigos, familia, compañeros de trabajo e iglesia, electrónicamente o impreso, bajo la premisa de que usted mantenga intacta la información sobre los autores en la parte inferior.
Sobre el Autor: Dwight Bain es un Consejero Nacional Certificado, Entrenador de Vida Certificado & Mediador Certificado en Ley de Familia. Practicante desde 1984 con foco primario en soluciones, eventos de crisis y manejo de cambios mayores.
Experto en incidentes críticos para administrar tensión con la oficina del Sheriff del condado de Orange; fundador de "StormStress.com" y entrenador para más de 1,500 grupos de negocios en tópico sobre cambios estratégicos para sobreponer grandes tensiones- tanto, personalmente como profesionalmente. El es un profesional y miembro de la Asociación Nacional de Oradores y aliados con corporaciones -organizaciones que hacen impacto positivo en nuestra cultura.
Obtenga recursos adicionales como complemento y entrenamiento en "The LifeWorks Group"'
Visitando su extensa publicación de "blog"; asi como reportes especiales diseñados para ahorrarle tiempo al resolver problemas estratégicamente en www.LifeworksGroup.org
Traducción a Español: cortesía de Sócrates Oscar Pérez Sperez7000@aol.com
Managing the change to let children grow up & leave home
Parenting Launch Sequence - - -
Managing the change of letting go of children so they can launch into a successful life as young adults
By Dwight Bain, NCC, CLC, CFLM
Parents are told to give their children "roots and wings" from the time they are born until it is time to leave the nest, some twenty years later. I believe that the first part comes easier than the second, which may not come at all for some older adolescents these days. Let me explain a few factors to help you understand why some kids never seem to launch into early success as young adults.
Giving a child 'roots' is about shared traditions, Judeo-Christian values, personal accountability to a moral standard of behavior like the 10 commandments or the golden rule as well as providing a safe and loving home environment. I believe that most parents do their best to care and provide for their kids. I also believe that most parents try to build these core values into the heart of their kids which will always show up through their behavior and choices later on in life. If a child knows what they believe they are stronger and more focused to go through the teen years without getting hung up on the distractions and temptations that cause so many to stumble and fall.
Right from wrong is usually easy to spot
Frankly, I don't think most parents really struggle with knowing what they should be doing, because they know what they want their children to learn and if you ask them, they usually have a pretty clear vision of how they want their children to behave. It’s been my experience that most parents do their best to give their kids the strength of being deeply rooted into a personal belief system of some kind, especially in understanding right from wrong and how to respond to the world around them in a reasonable and responsible way.
If they aren't directly building these values into the lives of their kids, they are likely supplementing those values through Sunday school at church, some form of Christian values education (for instance, consider the great programs available through faith based groups like the YMCA), or exposure to positive messages through the entertainment and media they let their kids experience. Giving kids traditional family values will root them into knowing what they believe, but it won't always protect them when they are challenged by their peers as to why they believe it.
Most common fights are about the ‘flight plan’ between parent & child
So, how do you take a child that you have loved, cared for, taken care of and protected for their entire lifetime the right amount of space to 'fly' forward on their own wings? Let me warn you ahead of time, it's often hard to find the right level of balance on this subject and kids and parents often experience their greatest conflict during the teen years trying to figure out just the right level of responsibility and independence for each stage of life! Yet as hard as it may be for parents to even consider letting go of the children that they have invested so much time and energy into, it is essential for the child’s healthy development and inner strength as a person who will one day have to move out and move on as a young adult to tackle issues directly throughout their life without the security of knowing that mom and dad’s watchful care is always going to be near. The goal is for them to know what they believe, and when tested, to pass the test and live out those beliefs in spite of the pressures around them.
Dangerous truth- over-protective parents create weaker kids
Here's why this is such a problem for some loving parents. If you never let a child test their wings by moving a little further away from mom or dad's care, then sometimes they end up developing the symptoms of fear, extreme shyness or a social phobia and end up being afraid of moving forward in life. Not all kids will develop psychological or emotional fears because of overprotective parents, but it can be one of several factors that slows down their personal development and inner strength to move forward toward the next stage of life. Yes, we love our kids, but remember, part of that love is to equip them and prepare them to one day leave the nest to literally launch forward, just like a space shuttle launch sequence at Kennedy Space Center.
Think about all of the years of planning and thousands of challenges that have to be overcome to create a successful launch into space. Literally everything that takes place for the years leading up to a rocket or orbiter launch date is done to safely and strategically accomplish the goal of getting that rocket into space and to another place. That’s the driving force of those NASA engineers- to get that bird off the ground at Cape Canaveral and into orbit toward the stars.
I love the line from the movie, “Astronaut Farmer” (staring Billy Bob Thornton), where the father-in-law tells his wanna-be astronaut son-in-law, “I really respect you son. Most dad’s can’t get their families to share a meal at the table together and you- you’ve got your whole family dreaming together!” The film shows the power of never giving up on a life-long dream of orbiting the earth, and more importantly the courage, patience and teamwork of a whole family coming together to make that dream a reality.
Space flight can be a lot like parenting, we spend years getting them ready to have a successful launch because one day we know that we will have to do a launch sequence to countdown the days as they head out to another stage of life. This is the way that God designed it- kids are supposed to move out and move on to build lives of their own. If overprotective parents stall that process, it scrubs the launch and leaves the child stranded on the launch pad, while their peers are blasting off toward early success in life. No one wins and it often sets the child up for tremendous problems that could have been solved if the parents had taken a different and more directive approach.
Blast off- or blow up?
When kids are well equipped to launch into early success during their young adult years they soar and it’s a joy to watch. If you have ever seen a launch from Kennedy Space Center in Florida you know what I mean- words can hardly describe the power and the sheer excitement of knowing that not even gravity can stop that rocket from what it was designed to do- blast off toward the stars! However, when what I’ve been referring to as the parenting ‘launch sequence’ is interrupted by well meaning, (or sometimes fearful) parents they often blow up, because the kids crash in some way. Sadly, these days it seems there are more crashes than successful launches. (And you are probably thinking about someone you know stuck in this painful process right now).
So what to do? Here are some parenting tips to coach you through the process of parenting strategies through every stage of childhood to build strong kids now, so they can one day go out and build successful lives as adults. That’s a parent’s job, to give them the roots of belief and then equip them with the wings of healthy resources to fly.
When this process happens, a child grows through each stage of life with a better experience and then grows stronger from the momentum of moving forward in a powerful way because they were set up to win by parents who weren’t afraid to point them toward the stars and launch into the life that God designed for them to live.
Parenting Stages to build strong kids:
Here are some of the key developmental stages and strategies to guide you toward a successful launch with your child.
Birth to puberty, (ages 0-12)-
Kids need a 'caretaker' who can teach and help with daily tasks and skills while the child gradually is learning these skills from their parent, especially in the important areas of self-discipline and responsibility. Psychologist John Trent calls this process ‘soft love mixed with hard love’, (See “The Two Sides of Love” published by Focus on the Family Publishing, 1999)
Puberty to College Years, (12-21)-
The parenting strategy to use during the teen years is a combination of part counselor and part coach to help guide through the emotional issues of building relationships and dealing with hurt feelings; while balancing the tasks of learning to deal with difficulties in life and making wise educational or career choices.
College years to Adulthood, (21-30)
I believe that we always need our parents- it’s just that the need changes as we grow older. Little kids need a parent to help with personal hygiene, teens need their parents to help them develop healthy habits and by this stage young adults need honest advice and direction. These years are a great time for the parent/adult-child relationship to prosper since the young adult is out on their own dealing with life, yet still needs a 'consultant' to bounce ideas off of as their build a life independent of their parents to firmly establish a life of their own.
I want you to know that millions of other parents have successfully launched their child from birth toward adulthood and you can too. There is a sign in the launch control room of the Kennedy Space Center that says it well, “It takes a team- to launch a dream.”
Know that you are not alone in this process. There are hundreds of resources available at our website as well as links to dozens of other groups that are driven by the desire to help you experience the great joy of watching a dream take flight, as well as provide the tools and training to help you if you’ve already crashed to get past the nightmare and not be afraid to dream again about what your son or daughter could be when they launch into a life of their own.
Reprint Permission- If this article was helpful you are invited to share it with your own list at work, church, forward it to friends and family or post it on your own site or blog. Just leave it intact and do not alter it in any way. Any links must remain in the article. Please include the following in your reprint.
"Reprinted with permission from the LifeWorks Group weekly eNews (Copyright, 2004-2009), subscribe to this valuable counseling and coaching resource at www.LifeWorksGroup.org "
About the author- Dwight Bain is dedicated to helping people achieve greater results. He is a Nationally Certified Counselor, Certified Life Coach and Certified Family Law Mediator in practice since 1984 with a primary focus on solving crisis events and managing major change. He partners with media, major corporations and non-profit organizations to make a positive difference in our culture.
Managing the change of letting go of children so they can launch into a successful life as young adults
By Dwight Bain, NCC, CLC, CFLM
Parents are told to give their children "roots and wings" from the time they are born until it is time to leave the nest, some twenty years later. I believe that the first part comes easier than the second, which may not come at all for some older adolescents these days. Let me explain a few factors to help you understand why some kids never seem to launch into early success as young adults.
Giving a child 'roots' is about shared traditions, Judeo-Christian values, personal accountability to a moral standard of behavior like the 10 commandments or the golden rule as well as providing a safe and loving home environment. I believe that most parents do their best to care and provide for their kids. I also believe that most parents try to build these core values into the heart of their kids which will always show up through their behavior and choices later on in life. If a child knows what they believe they are stronger and more focused to go through the teen years without getting hung up on the distractions and temptations that cause so many to stumble and fall.
Right from wrong is usually easy to spot
Frankly, I don't think most parents really struggle with knowing what they should be doing, because they know what they want their children to learn and if you ask them, they usually have a pretty clear vision of how they want their children to behave. It’s been my experience that most parents do their best to give their kids the strength of being deeply rooted into a personal belief system of some kind, especially in understanding right from wrong and how to respond to the world around them in a reasonable and responsible way.
If they aren't directly building these values into the lives of their kids, they are likely supplementing those values through Sunday school at church, some form of Christian values education (for instance, consider the great programs available through faith based groups like the YMCA), or exposure to positive messages through the entertainment and media they let their kids experience. Giving kids traditional family values will root them into knowing what they believe, but it won't always protect them when they are challenged by their peers as to why they believe it.
Most common fights are about the ‘flight plan’ between parent & child
So, how do you take a child that you have loved, cared for, taken care of and protected for their entire lifetime the right amount of space to 'fly' forward on their own wings? Let me warn you ahead of time, it's often hard to find the right level of balance on this subject and kids and parents often experience their greatest conflict during the teen years trying to figure out just the right level of responsibility and independence for each stage of life! Yet as hard as it may be for parents to even consider letting go of the children that they have invested so much time and energy into, it is essential for the child’s healthy development and inner strength as a person who will one day have to move out and move on as a young adult to tackle issues directly throughout their life without the security of knowing that mom and dad’s watchful care is always going to be near. The goal is for them to know what they believe, and when tested, to pass the test and live out those beliefs in spite of the pressures around them.
Dangerous truth- over-protective parents create weaker kids
Here's why this is such a problem for some loving parents. If you never let a child test their wings by moving a little further away from mom or dad's care, then sometimes they end up developing the symptoms of fear, extreme shyness or a social phobia and end up being afraid of moving forward in life. Not all kids will develop psychological or emotional fears because of overprotective parents, but it can be one of several factors that slows down their personal development and inner strength to move forward toward the next stage of life. Yes, we love our kids, but remember, part of that love is to equip them and prepare them to one day leave the nest to literally launch forward, just like a space shuttle launch sequence at Kennedy Space Center.
Think about all of the years of planning and thousands of challenges that have to be overcome to create a successful launch into space. Literally everything that takes place for the years leading up to a rocket or orbiter launch date is done to safely and strategically accomplish the goal of getting that rocket into space and to another place. That’s the driving force of those NASA engineers- to get that bird off the ground at Cape Canaveral and into orbit toward the stars.
I love the line from the movie, “Astronaut Farmer” (staring Billy Bob Thornton), where the father-in-law tells his wanna-be astronaut son-in-law, “I really respect you son. Most dad’s can’t get their families to share a meal at the table together and you- you’ve got your whole family dreaming together!” The film shows the power of never giving up on a life-long dream of orbiting the earth, and more importantly the courage, patience and teamwork of a whole family coming together to make that dream a reality.
Space flight can be a lot like parenting, we spend years getting them ready to have a successful launch because one day we know that we will have to do a launch sequence to countdown the days as they head out to another stage of life. This is the way that God designed it- kids are supposed to move out and move on to build lives of their own. If overprotective parents stall that process, it scrubs the launch and leaves the child stranded on the launch pad, while their peers are blasting off toward early success in life. No one wins and it often sets the child up for tremendous problems that could have been solved if the parents had taken a different and more directive approach.
Blast off- or blow up?
When kids are well equipped to launch into early success during their young adult years they soar and it’s a joy to watch. If you have ever seen a launch from Kennedy Space Center in Florida you know what I mean- words can hardly describe the power and the sheer excitement of knowing that not even gravity can stop that rocket from what it was designed to do- blast off toward the stars! However, when what I’ve been referring to as the parenting ‘launch sequence’ is interrupted by well meaning, (or sometimes fearful) parents they often blow up, because the kids crash in some way. Sadly, these days it seems there are more crashes than successful launches. (And you are probably thinking about someone you know stuck in this painful process right now).
So what to do? Here are some parenting tips to coach you through the process of parenting strategies through every stage of childhood to build strong kids now, so they can one day go out and build successful lives as adults. That’s a parent’s job, to give them the roots of belief and then equip them with the wings of healthy resources to fly.
When this process happens, a child grows through each stage of life with a better experience and then grows stronger from the momentum of moving forward in a powerful way because they were set up to win by parents who weren’t afraid to point them toward the stars and launch into the life that God designed for them to live.
Parenting Stages to build strong kids:
Here are some of the key developmental stages and strategies to guide you toward a successful launch with your child.
Birth to puberty, (ages 0-12)-
Kids need a 'caretaker' who can teach and help with daily tasks and skills while the child gradually is learning these skills from their parent, especially in the important areas of self-discipline and responsibility. Psychologist John Trent calls this process ‘soft love mixed with hard love’, (See “The Two Sides of Love” published by Focus on the Family Publishing, 1999)
Puberty to College Years, (12-21)-
The parenting strategy to use during the teen years is a combination of part counselor and part coach to help guide through the emotional issues of building relationships and dealing with hurt feelings; while balancing the tasks of learning to deal with difficulties in life and making wise educational or career choices.
College years to Adulthood, (21-30)
I believe that we always need our parents- it’s just that the need changes as we grow older. Little kids need a parent to help with personal hygiene, teens need their parents to help them develop healthy habits and by this stage young adults need honest advice and direction. These years are a great time for the parent/adult-child relationship to prosper since the young adult is out on their own dealing with life, yet still needs a 'consultant' to bounce ideas off of as their build a life independent of their parents to firmly establish a life of their own.
I want you to know that millions of other parents have successfully launched their child from birth toward adulthood and you can too. There is a sign in the launch control room of the Kennedy Space Center that says it well, “It takes a team- to launch a dream.”
Know that you are not alone in this process. There are hundreds of resources available at our website as well as links to dozens of other groups that are driven by the desire to help you experience the great joy of watching a dream take flight, as well as provide the tools and training to help you if you’ve already crashed to get past the nightmare and not be afraid to dream again about what your son or daughter could be when they launch into a life of their own.
Reprint Permission- If this article was helpful you are invited to share it with your own list at work, church, forward it to friends and family or post it on your own site or blog. Just leave it intact and do not alter it in any way. Any links must remain in the article. Please include the following in your reprint.
"Reprinted with permission from the LifeWorks Group weekly eNews (Copyright, 2004-2009), subscribe to this valuable counseling and coaching resource at www.LifeWorksGroup.org "
About the author- Dwight Bain is dedicated to helping people achieve greater results. He is a Nationally Certified Counselor, Certified Life Coach and Certified Family Law Mediator in practice since 1984 with a primary focus on solving crisis events and managing major change. He partners with media, major corporations and non-profit organizations to make a positive difference in our culture.
Will God still love me if I have a Low Credit Score?
Will God Love Me if I have a Low Credit Score?
By Dwight Bain, Nationally Certified Counselor & Life Coach
Someone asked me this question recently, “Will God love me if I have a low credit score?” I couldn’t believe it! They were under so much pressure to be financially perfect they made the wrong connection between having limited financial resources and experiencing spiritual abundance. Your worth as a human being isn’t based on the amount of stuff you have or how you may appear to have it all together on the outside. The Bible says that God loves you, just because it’s you. Not because of wealth, good looks, a big house or great job. You don’t have to be perfect to experience God’s love, but you do have to reach out in dependence knowing that you need a relationship with Him. Prideful, independent people who push through life don’t stop to recognize their need for God until they are facing some type of crisis, (and in the crisis it’s always easier to reach out for God’s help). So the answer to the question is Yes, Yes, Yes!
God will love you if you have low credit, no credit or are homeless. His love for you isn’t based on your bank account. Consider this true story of some of the most powerful men on the planet before the US Great Depression in the 1930’s to see how fast wealth can go away, and how wrong priorities about money can end up destroying life.
The Great Depression changed the definition of Success
The 1920’s were referred to as the ‘roaring twenties’ because the US economy was doing so well after World War I. A group of the world's most successful and wealthiest men met at the Edgewater Beach Hotel in Chicago on a sunny day in 1923. Collectively, these powerful tycoons controlled more wealth than there was in the entire United States Treasury at the time. For year after year magazine and newspaper headlines had printed the stories of their business and financial successes and challenged the people of the world to follow their fine example of wealth management. However, here is the rest of the story of how their life ended after experiencing the financial collapse of the Great Depression.
1 - Charles Schwab - The president of the largest independent steel company - lived on borrowed money the last five years of his life, and died penniless.
2 - Richard Whitney - The president of the New York Stock Exchange - served time in Sing Sing prison.
3 - Albert Fall - A former member of the US President's Cabinet - was pardoned from prison so he could go home to die.
4 - Jesse Livermore - the greatest bear in Wall Street history at the time - committed suicide
5 - Leon Fraser - the president of the Bank of International Settlement - committed suicide.
6 - Ivar Krueger - the head of the world's greatest monopoly - committed suicide.
Worth is more important than Wealth
There have been countless numbers of powerful people since the Great Depression who have ended up with the same fate. When they lost their wealth it was like they had lost their worth. Your self-worth should be based out of your true identity inside… not based on your net financial worth on the outside. If you base your self-worth on your net-worth, then your moods will change by the day, perhaps even by the hour as financial markets are continually shifting with changing market conditions. If your self-worth is based on things that are eternal and unchanging, then your outlook on life will remain stable in spite of changing financial or career circumstances.
All of the men listed above learned how to make a great living for a while, but not one of them learned how to manage their life. They started well, looked strong but finished the race in disgrace. It is a terribly sad reminder of how true the words are spoken by Jesus thousands of years ago about people who put wealth ahead of worship. “For what does a man profit if he gains the whole world and loses his own soul?” (Matthew 16:26)
God loves you and wants a relationship with you, no matter what you have in your wallet. Rest in that good news as you make wise choices in your daily decisions that base your worth on who you are, not what you have. We all need to be aware of our finances, and to be good financial managers, as part of being a responsible and mature individual. However, money management isn’t the most important thing to God, you are! To give you some eternal perspective consider the rest of what Jesus taught on this subject, who said,
19"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 20But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
24"No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money.
25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?
31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
So, does God just not care about money and financial stewardship? Of course not- God cares so much about wise financial management and accounting that there is an entire book of the Bible called “Numbers”. God sets a standard to be a wise financial manager of the resources He has placed in your hands. A good credit score is a reflection of a person who has been responsible to manage their bills and pay their expenses on time. It’s a reflection of financial discipline, not a reflection of personal value. And most of all, never forget that you are much more important and much more than just a number to God.
What can you do if your credit is shot because you’re behind on your bills?
Once you know God loves you in spite of low credit, it doesn’t take away the financial realities of being behind on bills. Yet what can you do if you are financially strapped without the resources to pay your bills on time? People feel pressure or even panic when they are out of control with money. It is a helpless feeling to have more bills than income so here are five principles to consider if you are facing money pressure to regain a feeling of control.
1) Mindset
You can control your mindset about finances by managing your intake of information. Don’t sit and watch financial shows on TV that make you more aware of your debt or your lack of income. That only drains away your mental energy to take positive action and can set you up for a spending relapse. Rather, focus your mind on things that will empower you to make positive changes.
2) Mood
You can control your mood about finances by choosing to manage what you do with your emotions. If you dwell on things that make you worry you will feel miserable and powerless. Instead take positive action to pray, journal, or talk to friends who have come through a tough time. Telling your story and listening to the stories of others will give you new strength.
3) Motivate
You can control your motivation by taking positive action. Being in a financial hole tends to rob energy to get up and do what you need to do. The longer you sit alone in the dark feeling afraid the further behind you will fall. Get up and reach out for help. There are wonderful organizations and individuals who can guide you to a stronger place financially without condemning you or making you feel like a failure. Google search groups like Crown Financial Concepts or Consumer Credit Counseling to find a support group near you.
4) Morale
You can control your morale, and that of your family who may be feeling overwhelmed financially by not letting every conversation be about money woes. Connect to positive people of faith, or read books of people who overcame incredible odds to find financial freedom. Author Dave Ramsey shares his testimony of how his family were near bankruptcy, yet worked together to find financial freedom, and now he travels the country to encourage others that they can make it out of a tough time by working together as a family with God’s help.
5) Message
You can control the message that you send by facing the truth of your financial situation with courage, instead of shame. Talk to your spouse, older children or close family about the changes that may need to take place to get back on track financially. Make calls to your creditors to let them know what’s going on because often they can provide some temporary financial relief through renegotiating the debt service. This will give you a sense of control of your finances, instead of your finances controlling you. Plus, it will help your family to grow along with you in faith, instead of you feeling like a failure alone. Stuffed emotional fears about finances can lead to desperation or isolation. Sharing those feelings will help you see that life is about more than money and that you are not facing your situation alone.
Finding greater Value because of great Pain
Finally, here are some encouraging words from my friend, psychologist Sandy Wilson in her book “Released from Shame” about how God can use a tough time to bring something positive on the other side. Listen to her words about Pearls.
“Pearls are the product of pain. For some unknown reason, the shell of the oyster gets pierced and an alien substance – like a grain of sand - slips inside. On the entry of that foreign irritant, all the resources within the tiny, sensitive oyster rush to the spot and begin to release healing fluids that otherwise would have remained dormant. By and by the irritant is covered and the wound is healed - by the pearl. No other gem has so fascinating a history. It is the symbol of stress - a healed wound... a precious, tiny jewel conceived through irritation, born of adversity, nursed by adjustments. Had there been no wounding, no irritating interruption, there could have been no pearl.”
God loves you and God can bring greater value to your life on the other side of a tough financial time, often by helping you see that what matters in life are the things that money can’t buy. As you gain a deeper spiritual faith, your life will feel more in control and you can feel peace instead of panic when facing a financial test, or any other test for that matter. And remember that there is no testimony without a test. So whatever you are facing today, may you be encouraged to walk through it with God. His love will always be there for you.
Reprint Permission- If this article was helpful you are invited to share it electronically or in print with your own list at work or church, forward it to friends and family or post it on your own site or blog. Just leave it intact and do not alter it in any way. Please include the following paragraph in your reprint and thanks for helping us to help others by spreading the word. "Reprinted with permission from the LifeWorks Group, www.LifeWorksGroup.org eNews (Copyright, 2004-2009, by the LifeWorks Group)"
About the author- Dwight Bain is dedicated to helping people achieve greater results. He is a Nationally Certified Counselor, Certified Life Coach and Certified Family Law Mediator in practice since 1984 with a primary focus on solving crisis events and managing major change. He partners with media, major corporations and non-profit organizations to make a positive difference in our culture. Access more counseling and coaching resources designed to save you time by solving stressful situations by visiting his counseling blog with over 200 complimentary articles and special reports at www.LifeWorksGroup.org
By Dwight Bain, Nationally Certified Counselor & Life Coach
Someone asked me this question recently, “Will God love me if I have a low credit score?” I couldn’t believe it! They were under so much pressure to be financially perfect they made the wrong connection between having limited financial resources and experiencing spiritual abundance. Your worth as a human being isn’t based on the amount of stuff you have or how you may appear to have it all together on the outside. The Bible says that God loves you, just because it’s you. Not because of wealth, good looks, a big house or great job. You don’t have to be perfect to experience God’s love, but you do have to reach out in dependence knowing that you need a relationship with Him. Prideful, independent people who push through life don’t stop to recognize their need for God until they are facing some type of crisis, (and in the crisis it’s always easier to reach out for God’s help). So the answer to the question is Yes, Yes, Yes!
God will love you if you have low credit, no credit or are homeless. His love for you isn’t based on your bank account. Consider this true story of some of the most powerful men on the planet before the US Great Depression in the 1930’s to see how fast wealth can go away, and how wrong priorities about money can end up destroying life.
The Great Depression changed the definition of Success
The 1920’s were referred to as the ‘roaring twenties’ because the US economy was doing so well after World War I. A group of the world's most successful and wealthiest men met at the Edgewater Beach Hotel in Chicago on a sunny day in 1923. Collectively, these powerful tycoons controlled more wealth than there was in the entire United States Treasury at the time. For year after year magazine and newspaper headlines had printed the stories of their business and financial successes and challenged the people of the world to follow their fine example of wealth management. However, here is the rest of the story of how their life ended after experiencing the financial collapse of the Great Depression.
1 - Charles Schwab - The president of the largest independent steel company - lived on borrowed money the last five years of his life, and died penniless.
2 - Richard Whitney - The president of the New York Stock Exchange - served time in Sing Sing prison.
3 - Albert Fall - A former member of the US President's Cabinet - was pardoned from prison so he could go home to die.
4 - Jesse Livermore - the greatest bear in Wall Street history at the time - committed suicide
5 - Leon Fraser - the president of the Bank of International Settlement - committed suicide.
6 - Ivar Krueger - the head of the world's greatest monopoly - committed suicide.
Worth is more important than Wealth
There have been countless numbers of powerful people since the Great Depression who have ended up with the same fate. When they lost their wealth it was like they had lost their worth. Your self-worth should be based out of your true identity inside… not based on your net financial worth on the outside. If you base your self-worth on your net-worth, then your moods will change by the day, perhaps even by the hour as financial markets are continually shifting with changing market conditions. If your self-worth is based on things that are eternal and unchanging, then your outlook on life will remain stable in spite of changing financial or career circumstances.
All of the men listed above learned how to make a great living for a while, but not one of them learned how to manage their life. They started well, looked strong but finished the race in disgrace. It is a terribly sad reminder of how true the words are spoken by Jesus thousands of years ago about people who put wealth ahead of worship. “For what does a man profit if he gains the whole world and loses his own soul?” (Matthew 16:26)
God loves you and wants a relationship with you, no matter what you have in your wallet. Rest in that good news as you make wise choices in your daily decisions that base your worth on who you are, not what you have. We all need to be aware of our finances, and to be good financial managers, as part of being a responsible and mature individual. However, money management isn’t the most important thing to God, you are! To give you some eternal perspective consider the rest of what Jesus taught on this subject, who said,
19"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 20But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
24"No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money.
25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?
31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
So, does God just not care about money and financial stewardship? Of course not- God cares so much about wise financial management and accounting that there is an entire book of the Bible called “Numbers”. God sets a standard to be a wise financial manager of the resources He has placed in your hands. A good credit score is a reflection of a person who has been responsible to manage their bills and pay their expenses on time. It’s a reflection of financial discipline, not a reflection of personal value. And most of all, never forget that you are much more important and much more than just a number to God.
What can you do if your credit is shot because you’re behind on your bills?
Once you know God loves you in spite of low credit, it doesn’t take away the financial realities of being behind on bills. Yet what can you do if you are financially strapped without the resources to pay your bills on time? People feel pressure or even panic when they are out of control with money. It is a helpless feeling to have more bills than income so here are five principles to consider if you are facing money pressure to regain a feeling of control.
1) Mindset
You can control your mindset about finances by managing your intake of information. Don’t sit and watch financial shows on TV that make you more aware of your debt or your lack of income. That only drains away your mental energy to take positive action and can set you up for a spending relapse. Rather, focus your mind on things that will empower you to make positive changes.
2) Mood
You can control your mood about finances by choosing to manage what you do with your emotions. If you dwell on things that make you worry you will feel miserable and powerless. Instead take positive action to pray, journal, or talk to friends who have come through a tough time. Telling your story and listening to the stories of others will give you new strength.
3) Motivate
You can control your motivation by taking positive action. Being in a financial hole tends to rob energy to get up and do what you need to do. The longer you sit alone in the dark feeling afraid the further behind you will fall. Get up and reach out for help. There are wonderful organizations and individuals who can guide you to a stronger place financially without condemning you or making you feel like a failure. Google search groups like Crown Financial Concepts or Consumer Credit Counseling to find a support group near you.
4) Morale
You can control your morale, and that of your family who may be feeling overwhelmed financially by not letting every conversation be about money woes. Connect to positive people of faith, or read books of people who overcame incredible odds to find financial freedom. Author Dave Ramsey shares his testimony of how his family were near bankruptcy, yet worked together to find financial freedom, and now he travels the country to encourage others that they can make it out of a tough time by working together as a family with God’s help.
5) Message
You can control the message that you send by facing the truth of your financial situation with courage, instead of shame. Talk to your spouse, older children or close family about the changes that may need to take place to get back on track financially. Make calls to your creditors to let them know what’s going on because often they can provide some temporary financial relief through renegotiating the debt service. This will give you a sense of control of your finances, instead of your finances controlling you. Plus, it will help your family to grow along with you in faith, instead of you feeling like a failure alone. Stuffed emotional fears about finances can lead to desperation or isolation. Sharing those feelings will help you see that life is about more than money and that you are not facing your situation alone.
Finding greater Value because of great Pain
Finally, here are some encouraging words from my friend, psychologist Sandy Wilson in her book “Released from Shame” about how God can use a tough time to bring something positive on the other side. Listen to her words about Pearls.
“Pearls are the product of pain. For some unknown reason, the shell of the oyster gets pierced and an alien substance – like a grain of sand - slips inside. On the entry of that foreign irritant, all the resources within the tiny, sensitive oyster rush to the spot and begin to release healing fluids that otherwise would have remained dormant. By and by the irritant is covered and the wound is healed - by the pearl. No other gem has so fascinating a history. It is the symbol of stress - a healed wound... a precious, tiny jewel conceived through irritation, born of adversity, nursed by adjustments. Had there been no wounding, no irritating interruption, there could have been no pearl.”
God loves you and God can bring greater value to your life on the other side of a tough financial time, often by helping you see that what matters in life are the things that money can’t buy. As you gain a deeper spiritual faith, your life will feel more in control and you can feel peace instead of panic when facing a financial test, or any other test for that matter. And remember that there is no testimony without a test. So whatever you are facing today, may you be encouraged to walk through it with God. His love will always be there for you.
Reprint Permission- If this article was helpful you are invited to share it electronically or in print with your own list at work or church, forward it to friends and family or post it on your own site or blog. Just leave it intact and do not alter it in any way. Please include the following paragraph in your reprint and thanks for helping us to help others by spreading the word. "Reprinted with permission from the LifeWorks Group, www.LifeWorksGroup.org eNews (Copyright, 2004-2009, by the LifeWorks Group)"
About the author- Dwight Bain is dedicated to helping people achieve greater results. He is a Nationally Certified Counselor, Certified Life Coach and Certified Family Law Mediator in practice since 1984 with a primary focus on solving crisis events and managing major change. He partners with media, major corporations and non-profit organizations to make a positive difference in our culture. Access more counseling and coaching resources designed to save you time by solving stressful situations by visiting his counseling blog with over 200 complimentary articles and special reports at www.LifeWorksGroup.org
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Will God Love Me if I have a Low Credit Score?
By Dwight Bain, Nationally Certified Counselor & Life Coach
Someone asked me this question recently, “Will God love me if I have a low credit score?” I couldn’t believe it! They were under so much pressure to be financially perfect they made the wrong connection between having limited financial resources and experiencing spiritual abundance. Your worth as a human being isn’t based on the amount of stuff you have or how you may appear to have it all together on the outside. The Bible says that God loves you, just because it’s you. Not because of wealth, good looks, a big house or great job. You don’t have to be perfect to experience God’s love, but you do have to reach out in dependence knowing that you need a relationship with Him. Prideful, independent people who push through life don’t stop to recognize their need for God until they are facing some type of crisis, (and in the crisis it’s always easier to reach out for God’s help).
So the answer to the question is Yes, Yes, Yes!
God will love you if you have low credit, no credit or are homeless. His love for you isn’t based on your bank account. Consider this true story of some of the most powerful men on the planet before the US Great Depression in the 1930’s to see how fast wealth can go away, and how wrong priorities about money can end up destroying life.
The Great Depression changed the definition of Success
The 1920’s were referred to as the ‘roaring twenties’ because the US economy was doing so well after World War I. A group of the world's most successful and wealthiest men met at the Edgewater Beach Hotel in Chicago on a sunny day in 1923. Collectively, these powerful tycoons controlled more wealth than there was in the entire United States Treasury at the time. For year after year magazine and newspaper headlines had printed the stories of their business and financial successes and challenged the people of the world to follow their fine example of wealth management. However, here is the rest of the story of how their life ended after experiencing the financial collapse of the Great Depression.
1 - Charles Schwab - The president of the largest independent steel company - lived on borrowed money the last five years of his life, and died penniless.
2 - Richard Whitney - The president of the New York Stock Exchange - served time in Sing Sing prison.
3 - Albert Fall - A former member of the US President's Cabinet - was pardoned from prison so he could go home to die.
4 - Jesse Livermore - the greatest bear in Wall Street history at the time - committed suicide
5 - Leon Fraser - the president of the Bank of International Settlement - committed suicide.
6 - Ivar Krueger - the head of the world's greatest monopoly - committed suicide.
Worth is more important than Wealth
There have been countless numbers of powerful people since the Great Depression who have ended up with the same fate. When they lost their wealth it was like they had lost their worth. Your self-worth should be based out of your true identity inside… not based on your net financial worth on the outside. If you base your self-worth on your net-worth, then your moods will change by the day, perhaps even by the hour as financial markets are continually shifting with changing market conditions. If your self-worth is based on things that are eternal and unchanging, then your outlook on life will remain stable in spite of changing financial or career circumstances.
All of the men listed above learned how to make a great living for a while, but not one of them learned how to manage their life. They started well, looked strong but finished the race in disgrace. It is a terribly sad reminder of how true the words are spoken by Jesus thousands of years ago about people who put wealth ahead of worship. “For what does a man profit if he gains the whole world and loses his own soul?” (Matthew 16:26)
God loves you and wants a relationship with you, no matter what you have in your wallet. Rest in that good news as you make wise choices in your daily decisions that base your worth on who you are, not what you have. We all need to be aware of our finances, and to be good financial managers, as part of being a responsible and mature individual. However, money management isn’t the most important thing to God, you are! To give you some eternal perspective consider the rest of what Jesus taught on this subject, who said,
19"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 20But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
24"No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money.
25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?
31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
So, does God just not care about money and financial stewardship? Of course not- God cares so much about wise financial management and accounting that there is an entire book of the Bible called “Numbers”. God sets a standard to be a wise financial manager of the resources He has placed in your hands. A good credit score is a reflection of a person who has been responsible to manage their bills and pay their expenses on time. It’s a reflection of financial discipline, not a reflection of personal value. And most of all, never forget that you are much more important and much more than just a number to God.
What can you do if your credit is shot because you’re behind on your bills?
Once you know God loves you in spite of low credit, it doesn’t take away the financial realities of being behind on bills. Yet what can you do if you are financially strapped without the resources to pay your bills on time? People feel pressure or even panic when they are out of control with money. It is a helpless feeling to have more bills than income so here are five principles to consider if you are facing money pressure to regain a feeling of control.
1) Mindset
You can control your mindset about finances by managing your intake of information. Don’t sit and watch financial shows on TV that make you more aware of your debt or your lack of income. That only drains away your mental energy to take positive action and can set you up for a spending relapse. Rather, focus your mind on things that will empower you to make positive changes.
2) Mood
You can control your mood about finances by choosing to manage what you do with your emotions. If you dwell on things that make you worry you will feel miserable and powerless. Instead take positive action to pray, journal, or talk to friends who have come through a tough time. Telling your story and listening to the stories of others will give you new strength.
3) Motivate
You can control your motivation by taking positive action. Being in a financial hole tends to rob energy to get up and do what you need to do. The longer you sit alone in the dark feeling afraid the further behind you will fall. Get up and reach out for help. There are wonderful organizations and individuals who can guide you to a stronger place financially without condemning you or making you feel like a failure. Google search groups like Crown Financial Concepts or Consumer Credit Counseling to find a support group near you.
4) Morale
You can control your morale, and that of your family who may be feeling overwhelmed financially by not letting every conversation be about money woes. Connect to positive people of faith, or read books of people who overcame incredible odds to find financial freedom. Author Dave Ramsey shares his testimony of how his family were near bankruptcy, yet worked together to find financial freedom, and now he travels the country to encourage others that they can make it out of a tough time by working together as a family with God’s help.
5) Message
You can control the message that you send by facing the truth of your financial situation with courage, instead of shame. Talk to your spouse, older children or close family about the changes that may need to take place to get back on track financially. Make calls to your creditors to let them know what’s going on because often they can provide some temporary financial relief through renegotiating the debt service. This will give you a sense of control of your finances, instead of your finances controlling you. Plus, it will help your family to grow along with you in faith, instead of you feeling like a failure alone. Stuffed emotional fears about finances can lead to desperation or isolation. Sharing those feelings will help you see that life is about more than money and that you are not facing your situation alone.
Finding greater Value because of great Pain
Finally, here are some encouraging words from my friend, psychologist Sandy Wilson in her book “Released from Shame” about how God can use a tough time to bring something positive on the other side. Listen to her words about Pearls.
“Pearls are the product of pain. For some unknown reason, the shell of the oyster gets pierced and an alien substance – like a grain of sand - slips inside. On the entry of that foreign irritant, all the resources within the tiny, sensitive oyster rush to the spot and begin to release healing fluids that otherwise would have remained dormant. By and by the irritant is covered and the wound is healed - by the pearl. No other gem has so fascinating a history. It is the symbol of stress - a healed wound... a precious, tiny jewel conceived through irritation, born of adversity, nursed by adjustments. Had there been no wounding, no irritating interruption, there could have been no pearl.”
God loves you and God can bring greater value to your life on the other side of a tough financial time, often by helping you see that what matters in life are the things that money can’t buy. As you gain a deeper spiritual faith, your life will feel more in control and you can feel peace instead of panic when facing a financial test, or any other test for that matter. And remember that there is no testimony without a test. So whatever you are facing today, may you be encouraged to walk through it with God. His love will always be there for you.
Reprint Permission- If this article was helpful you are invited to share it electronically or in print with your own list at work or church, forward it to friends and family or post it on your own site or blog. Just leave it intact and do not alter it in any way. Please include the following paragraph in your reprint and thanks for helping us to help others by spreading the word. "Reprinted with permission from the LifeWorks Group, www.LifeWorksGroup.org eNews (Copyright, 2004-2009, by the LifeWorks Group)" About the author- Dwight Bain is dedicated to helping people achieve greater results. He is a Nationally Certified Counselor, Certified Life Coach and Certified Family Law Mediator in practice since 1984 with a primary focus on solving crisis events and managing major change. He partners with media, major corporations and non-profit organizations to make a positive difference in our culture. Access more counseling and coaching resources designed to save you time by solving stressful situations by visiting his counseling blog with almost 200 complimentary articles and special reports at www.LifeWorksGroup.org
By Dwight Bain, Nationally Certified Counselor & Life Coach
Someone asked me this question recently, “Will God love me if I have a low credit score?” I couldn’t believe it! They were under so much pressure to be financially perfect they made the wrong connection between having limited financial resources and experiencing spiritual abundance. Your worth as a human being isn’t based on the amount of stuff you have or how you may appear to have it all together on the outside. The Bible says that God loves you, just because it’s you. Not because of wealth, good looks, a big house or great job. You don’t have to be perfect to experience God’s love, but you do have to reach out in dependence knowing that you need a relationship with Him. Prideful, independent people who push through life don’t stop to recognize their need for God until they are facing some type of crisis, (and in the crisis it’s always easier to reach out for God’s help).
So the answer to the question is Yes, Yes, Yes!
God will love you if you have low credit, no credit or are homeless. His love for you isn’t based on your bank account. Consider this true story of some of the most powerful men on the planet before the US Great Depression in the 1930’s to see how fast wealth can go away, and how wrong priorities about money can end up destroying life.
The Great Depression changed the definition of Success
The 1920’s were referred to as the ‘roaring twenties’ because the US economy was doing so well after World War I. A group of the world's most successful and wealthiest men met at the Edgewater Beach Hotel in Chicago on a sunny day in 1923. Collectively, these powerful tycoons controlled more wealth than there was in the entire United States Treasury at the time. For year after year magazine and newspaper headlines had printed the stories of their business and financial successes and challenged the people of the world to follow their fine example of wealth management. However, here is the rest of the story of how their life ended after experiencing the financial collapse of the Great Depression.
1 - Charles Schwab - The president of the largest independent steel company - lived on borrowed money the last five years of his life, and died penniless.
2 - Richard Whitney - The president of the New York Stock Exchange - served time in Sing Sing prison.
3 - Albert Fall - A former member of the US President's Cabinet - was pardoned from prison so he could go home to die.
4 - Jesse Livermore - the greatest bear in Wall Street history at the time - committed suicide
5 - Leon Fraser - the president of the Bank of International Settlement - committed suicide.
6 - Ivar Krueger - the head of the world's greatest monopoly - committed suicide.
Worth is more important than Wealth
There have been countless numbers of powerful people since the Great Depression who have ended up with the same fate. When they lost their wealth it was like they had lost their worth. Your self-worth should be based out of your true identity inside… not based on your net financial worth on the outside. If you base your self-worth on your net-worth, then your moods will change by the day, perhaps even by the hour as financial markets are continually shifting with changing market conditions. If your self-worth is based on things that are eternal and unchanging, then your outlook on life will remain stable in spite of changing financial or career circumstances.
All of the men listed above learned how to make a great living for a while, but not one of them learned how to manage their life. They started well, looked strong but finished the race in disgrace. It is a terribly sad reminder of how true the words are spoken by Jesus thousands of years ago about people who put wealth ahead of worship. “For what does a man profit if he gains the whole world and loses his own soul?” (Matthew 16:26)
God loves you and wants a relationship with you, no matter what you have in your wallet. Rest in that good news as you make wise choices in your daily decisions that base your worth on who you are, not what you have. We all need to be aware of our finances, and to be good financial managers, as part of being a responsible and mature individual. However, money management isn’t the most important thing to God, you are! To give you some eternal perspective consider the rest of what Jesus taught on this subject, who said,
19"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 20But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
24"No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money.
25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?
31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
So, does God just not care about money and financial stewardship? Of course not- God cares so much about wise financial management and accounting that there is an entire book of the Bible called “Numbers”. God sets a standard to be a wise financial manager of the resources He has placed in your hands. A good credit score is a reflection of a person who has been responsible to manage their bills and pay their expenses on time. It’s a reflection of financial discipline, not a reflection of personal value. And most of all, never forget that you are much more important and much more than just a number to God.
What can you do if your credit is shot because you’re behind on your bills?
Once you know God loves you in spite of low credit, it doesn’t take away the financial realities of being behind on bills. Yet what can you do if you are financially strapped without the resources to pay your bills on time? People feel pressure or even panic when they are out of control with money. It is a helpless feeling to have more bills than income so here are five principles to consider if you are facing money pressure to regain a feeling of control.
1) Mindset
You can control your mindset about finances by managing your intake of information. Don’t sit and watch financial shows on TV that make you more aware of your debt or your lack of income. That only drains away your mental energy to take positive action and can set you up for a spending relapse. Rather, focus your mind on things that will empower you to make positive changes.
2) Mood
You can control your mood about finances by choosing to manage what you do with your emotions. If you dwell on things that make you worry you will feel miserable and powerless. Instead take positive action to pray, journal, or talk to friends who have come through a tough time. Telling your story and listening to the stories of others will give you new strength.
3) Motivate
You can control your motivation by taking positive action. Being in a financial hole tends to rob energy to get up and do what you need to do. The longer you sit alone in the dark feeling afraid the further behind you will fall. Get up and reach out for help. There are wonderful organizations and individuals who can guide you to a stronger place financially without condemning you or making you feel like a failure. Google search groups like Crown Financial Concepts or Consumer Credit Counseling to find a support group near you.
4) Morale
You can control your morale, and that of your family who may be feeling overwhelmed financially by not letting every conversation be about money woes. Connect to positive people of faith, or read books of people who overcame incredible odds to find financial freedom. Author Dave Ramsey shares his testimony of how his family were near bankruptcy, yet worked together to find financial freedom, and now he travels the country to encourage others that they can make it out of a tough time by working together as a family with God’s help.
5) Message
You can control the message that you send by facing the truth of your financial situation with courage, instead of shame. Talk to your spouse, older children or close family about the changes that may need to take place to get back on track financially. Make calls to your creditors to let them know what’s going on because often they can provide some temporary financial relief through renegotiating the debt service. This will give you a sense of control of your finances, instead of your finances controlling you. Plus, it will help your family to grow along with you in faith, instead of you feeling like a failure alone. Stuffed emotional fears about finances can lead to desperation or isolation. Sharing those feelings will help you see that life is about more than money and that you are not facing your situation alone.
Finding greater Value because of great Pain
Finally, here are some encouraging words from my friend, psychologist Sandy Wilson in her book “Released from Shame” about how God can use a tough time to bring something positive on the other side. Listen to her words about Pearls.
“Pearls are the product of pain. For some unknown reason, the shell of the oyster gets pierced and an alien substance – like a grain of sand - slips inside. On the entry of that foreign irritant, all the resources within the tiny, sensitive oyster rush to the spot and begin to release healing fluids that otherwise would have remained dormant. By and by the irritant is covered and the wound is healed - by the pearl. No other gem has so fascinating a history. It is the symbol of stress - a healed wound... a precious, tiny jewel conceived through irritation, born of adversity, nursed by adjustments. Had there been no wounding, no irritating interruption, there could have been no pearl.”
God loves you and God can bring greater value to your life on the other side of a tough financial time, often by helping you see that what matters in life are the things that money can’t buy. As you gain a deeper spiritual faith, your life will feel more in control and you can feel peace instead of panic when facing a financial test, or any other test for that matter. And remember that there is no testimony without a test. So whatever you are facing today, may you be encouraged to walk through it with God. His love will always be there for you.
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