How can you talk to kids after a major Crisis like a School Shooting?

Community Crisis Recovery Guide-

Strategies to rebuild you and your kids after a tragedy

By Dwight Bain

A community crisis, (like a school shooting), can terrorize an entire community in just a few minutes, while the recovery process to rebuild from a major critical incident may take weeks or months to sort through. The more you know about how to survive and rebuild after the crisis, the faster you can take positive action to get your personal and professional life back on track. Since community crisis events like extreme acts of violence, school shootings or terrorism are unpredictable it requires a different course of action from natural disasters like hurricanes, tornadoes, earthquakes, fires and floods. What can you do right now to cope with the psychological impact of a major community crisis?

            Dealing directly with your emotions will reduce the tension and stress on you, which allows you to have more energy to deal with a difficult situation. However, if you stuff your fears and frustrations in a major community crisis, your emotions can quickly blow up without warning. Exploding in rage on your children, your coworkers or your marriage partner will only make a difficult situation worse. Community crisis events are a terrible situation full of loss and difficulty for everyone. By taking action now you can move beyond feeling overwhelmed by intense stress, anger or confusion. As you follow the insight from this recovery guide, you will be taking positive steps to rebuild with the focused energy of an even stronger life for you and your family after the emergency service workers pack up and go home because your community has recovered.

To best survive a major community crisis, you need a strong combination of three key elements

- healthy coping skills

- healthy supports and a

- healthy perspective

While things will never be the same as they were before the crisis  the following guidelines will give you the key elements needed to get past the overwhelming stress and to find stability again.

What should Parents do with their Children after they hear about this tragedy?

 

Turn the TV news off, then ask your children what they know or what they may have heard since rumors about a school shooting spread rapidly. It's important to talk about safety issues at school, however, for most kids school is the only place they are ever away from their parents care. Let them know you and their teachers always do everything possible to keep them safe.

 

Ask questions, especially talk about their emotions and fears. Let them know it's ok to talk about their feelings today, or even weeks from now. Anytime they are feeling scared it's ok to talk about it. Finally, get your family back to "normal" quickly... regular routines help people stay stable during a national crisis. So share lots of love, affection and prayer. Family is powerful since we are always stronger together than we ever could be alone.

 

- What are the dangerous warning signs of stress overload?

A major community crisis affects everyone however; it becomes dangerous to our health when the stress goes on for an extended period of time. Major stress can affect adults, children, the elderly and even pets, so it is important to be alert to watch for the danger signs of the psychological condition called, ‘Post-Traumatic-Stress-Disorder’, (commonly referred to as PTSD), in yourself, your family members and coworkers. These symptoms include any dramatic change in emotions, behavior, thought patterns or physical symptoms over the next few days, weeks or even months. Since community crisis events are a terribly stressful time for everyone and often remain stressful for days or weeks to come, there are a number of factors to be aware of to keep yourself and those who you care about safe.

Stress Warning Signs-
These signs are indicators that the intense stress from the critical incident is beginning to overwhelm the individual. The longer the stress symptoms occur-the greater the severity of the traumatic event on the individual. This does not imply craziness or personal weakness; rather, it simply indicates that the stress levels from the storm were too powerful for the person to manage and their body is reacting to the abnormal situation of having survived a major trauma.

It’s normal to feel completely overwhelmed by a community crisis like a mass shooting or natural disaster; however there are danger signs to watch for in yourself or others that may indicate psychological trauma. Adults or children who display any of the following stress symptoms may need additional help dealing with the events of this crisis. It is strongly recommended that you seek the appropriate medical or psychological assistance if you see a lot of the physical, emotional, cognitive or behavioral symptoms listed below in you, your coworkers, or someone in your family or home, especially if these symptoms weren’t present before the crisis.

Physical Symptoms:
Chills, thirst, fatigue, nausea, fainting, vomiting, dizziness, weakness, chest pain, headaches, elevated blood pressure, rapid heart rate, muscle tremors, difficulty breathing, shock symptoms, and so on.

Emotional Symptoms:
Fear, guilt, grief, panic, denial, anxiety, irritability, depression, apprehension, emotional shock, and feeling overwhelmed, loss of emotional control, and so on.

Cognitive Symptoms:
Confusion, nightmares, uncertainty, hyper-vigilance, suspiciousness, intrusive images, poor problem solving, poor abstract thinking, poor attention/memory and concentration, disorientation of time, places or people, difficulty identifying objects or people, heightened or lowered alertness, and so on.

Behavioral Symptoms:
Withdrawal, antisocial acts, inability to rest, intensified pacing, erratic movements, changes in social activity, changes in speech patterns, loss of or increase of appetite, increased alcohol consumption, and so on.

If you are in doubt about these symptoms in your life, or someone you care about, it is wise to seek the care of a physician or certified mental health professional. Better to actively deal with the stressful emotions directly to help yourself and your loved ones to immediately cope with this crisis because these emotions tend to worsen and get more intense if left untreated. Remember that there are many experienced professionals who can help you and your children recover during a time of crisis. You do not have to go through this alone.

Take action now to prevent stress from continuing to overwhelm you or the people you care about. Call a trusted friend to talk through it, reach out to clergy, or call your family doctor or counselor. If you don't know someone to call about these emotional issues, you can reach out for assistance by calling telephone hotlines which are offered at no cost to you. These numbers are often posted by local media, hospitals, the American Red Cross, the Salvation Army or FEMA. If you, or someone you care about are feeling overwhelmed by stress, anxiety, guilt or grief it's important to make the call for assistance now to learn how to get past the pressure to begin to feel ‘okay’ again. 

- How does a community crisis event affect kids?
            It depends on the age of the child. The younger the child, the more they look to their parents for emotional security and strength. If a Mom or Dad are “shell-shocked" or “numb” and not able to manage their own emotions or responsibilities; the child will feel that pressure and become very confused and further stressed. Remember, it's normal to be overwhelmed by a community crisis like a mass shooting. This is why it's so important to take care of yourself in order to take care of your children and those your care about through the long period of recovery and rebuilding after the storm.

Think about the advice given on commercial airliners to parents traveling with small children. “Should there be an unexpected cabin de-pressurization; oxygen masks will drop from the ceiling. Place the mask over your nose and mouth like this and then place the mask over the mouth and nose of those around you needing assistance.” Take care of your own emotional needs first, and then you will be in a stronger position to help those around you. If you feel overwhelmed in giving your children or others who may depend on you for support, please ask for help. It's okay to be tired, worn out and overly stressed. That's normal after a community crisis.

However, it's not okay to ignore caring for the needs of those counting on you like children, the elderly or pets. Sometimes a parent may need to make adjustments at work or change their own schedules for a while by delegating some tasks in order to have time and energy to help their children avoid feeling more pressure from the difficult experience that surviving a major disaster brings. If you feel that your caregiver ‘tank’ is empty, let someone else help you for a while until you get your strength back. That's best for you and for those that you care about.
            When you can focus and dedicate attention to understanding the needs of young children, notice what they are saying, drawing or doing to determine if they are still feeling overly stressed from the traumatic event.

School age kids need to talk, draw pictures or take positive action, (like having a lemonade stand to raise money for kids just like them who may have lost loved ones or family members because of the traumatic event), so if you give them something to do to help, they can take positive action and sort through their emotions immediately.

High school age kids  may try to act "cool" about everything, but often are more scared about the changes, losses and confusion than any other group. They are older and may need to experience a bit more "reality" at times to loosen up their ability to talk about what is happening around them. If they are willing to talk to their siblings, other family members, clergy or counselors it often doesn’t take very long before they can grow strong enough to deal with their emotions and get back to feeling like themselves again.

The greatest danger sign to be alert and aware of is by noticing any dramatic changes in behavior. If a child was always happy go lucky before the crisis event and now sits all day to watch video footage of the shooting, or other world disasters on the news channels- then you may want to figure out why they made such a dramatic shift in personality. Watch for other major changes in sleep patterns, school patterns, school performance, peer relations and so on. If you see major changes that concern you, it's time to seek professional attention for the child with their pediatrician or with a child behavioral specialist

- What are some ways to help our kids talk about the crisis?
            You can reach out to children in many ways to help them deal with this stressful time. Talking, writing, drawing, or writing poetry about the experience with the disaster will make the time pass more quickly, and may even lighten someone else's load of emotional pain and difficulty while helping you back through the process. Talking about any crisis event in life can help kids learn the basics of moving from the panic of basic survival to building strengths through problem solving.

- Are there any “hidden dangers” in media that parents should be concerned about that might make the crisis worse?
            Too much media exposure is dangerous for kids. It is better to get a media "news update" once or perhaps at the most, twice a day to avoid the danger of media over-exposure. Leaving the news on all the time will depress the mood of the person who hears it; since deep down inside we learn to go "numb" to the normal emotions of the stressful event, to press on and burn reserve energy in the process. If your child didn't watch the morning news programs before the community crisis, be cautious about allowing them to watch TV news alone or having long blocks of unaccounted time with too much isolation. Best is to sort through media outlets-like television, Internet, radio or newspapers, which may contain content that is overly stressful or just too depressing for a child. Then set boundaries to protect them from additional stress in media stories, since it is important to protect their home and minds by managing the media around them.

It's wise to move from negatives to positives in highly charged and difficult situations like a mass shooting or wide spread community disaster. We have all seen enough negative images to last a lifetime and yet the media will often play scenes from a disaster over again and again. Also, parents and kids can sit down and discuss why they really need to have so many media and entertainment services available in their homes. Many families found that not having the Internet, cable television and loud music playing in their homes while staying in a shelter allowed them to reconnect as a family with much greater communication. By sitting down and discussing these issues your home can be a more positive place, by creating more positive energy to manage the stress of recovering from this crisis situation.

Since watching other people’s problems in other parts of the country will cause more stress in an already stressful situation it's better to focus on your responsibilities today, right here in your own community. When things in your life are strong again, you and your family won't be as affected by the images of crisis from other places. But that's another day, so for now as you recover, it’s better to focus on getting you and your kids though the day that you have been handed without making it harder because of the hidden stress of media overexposure.

Also, the same principles apply for the aged as for anyone else. Seniors often can spend a tremendous amount of time in front of negative media images which can be harmful to their wellbeing. Better to get involved in helping others, praying for those affected or donating to help as you can than to become overwhelmed with the stressors of others by becoming desensitized from media over-exposure.

- How can I help my family get back to “normal” after a community disaster?
            It may take weeks or months for people to feel that things are back to “normal.” The actual psychological impact of the storm will vary widely between people based on factors like- age, their previous experiences with crisis events and most significantly how much stress they already had in their life before the disaster. The more stress someone had in their life prior to the traumatic event, the longer it takes to recover.

Here are some immediate ways to bring order and calmness back into your life after the chaos and confusion that follows a natural disaster or community crisis like a mass shooting.

1) Reconnect in relationships -
             You can't get through a crisis alone. Since we all were impacted differently, it is vitally important to talk about the stress and pressures you have experienced with the people closest to you. Reach out to friends and family as soon as possible, and call people you haven't heard from in a while. Just checking in to see if they are okay will only take a few minutes, but it will empower and help both of you. Simply talk about what each of you experienced through the crisis and how you got through it. Tremendous connection can occur through crisis, so this is an especially good time to reach out to friends or family who may have drifted away from your closest circle of relationships. Take action now to reach out to people with words of encouragement and support, but don't wait for someone else to call you- since their phone may not work! Go find them and then reconnect the relationship while helping each other rebuild.

2) Rebuild your routines-
            This is one of the most important factors to quickly get life back on track because we all draw strength and security from a structured daily routine. Bed time, dinner time, getting up to go to school, or work, or church or the gym to work out. To regain strength quickly identify what your normal routines were before the crisis-and then get back to them as soon as possible. Even if you are staying in a hotel, shelter or with family members for a while, stick with the rituals that you have typically followed that make up your daily lifestyle. This way you will feel the comfort of your stable and predictable routines, regardless of the stress of the many changes happening around you.

3) Reach out for faith-
            In times of crisis everyone believes in the power of prayer and the importance of their faith. There is tremendous strength in knowing what you believe and living in harmony with those beliefs and values. Plugging back into your faith after a community crisis will allow you to release anxiety over the things that you know are too big for you, because you can trust God to handle them. Dedicate a few minutes or perhaps even an hour per day to quiet mediation and reflection on what matters most if you want to continue to grow strong in spite of the crisis.

This is especially important when you or your children may feel lost, alone or afraid. God cares and taking time to pray and release those burdens will help you make it through the rest of your day. Many churches and houses of faith have chaplains, recovery teams, support services and even financial assistance available to help their members cope with the crisis. Helping others in need is one of the greatest ways people of faith model what they believe, so avoid the tendency of being “too nice” to ask for help if you need it. Having a committed personal faith combined with the connection of a local house of worship will give you a tremendous sense of community to get through this crisis as well as the ones to come.

4) Retell your story-
            Young and old alike will benefit from hearing about how other people survived the trauma they experienced. There is tremendous power in telling your story; healing power for you and helpful power for others who will gain insight and strength by hearing how creative people can become through the crisis. As you speak up about what happened, it will make it easier for other family members or coworkers to talk about their feelings of loss as well. Things will never be the same as before, but life will go on and we can rebuild and get through it better together. Telling your story now will give you additional strength as well as connect you to the neighbors and friends as they share their story with you.

Remember, no matter what the size of crisis event, you can find strength on the other side. Following the action steps in this resource guide will allow you to begin building strength back into your personal and professional life no matter how big the crisis event was. As you grow stronger you can tell others, which will encourage them to press on as they rebuild their lives, right next to yours. Stronger people create stronger communities and that is the journey you have already begun. I encourage you to stay with it as you build an even stronger life after the crisis, and then reach out to others in rebuilding your community with hope and compassion.

Reprint Permission- If this article helped you, you are invited to share it with your own list at work or church, forward it to friends and family or post it on your own site or blog. Just leave it intact and do not alter it in any way. Any links must remain in the article.

Please include the following paragraph in your reprint. "Reprinted with permission from the LifeWorks Group weekly eNews, (Copyright, 2004-2012), To subscribe to this valuable counseling and coaching resource visit www.LifeWorksGroup.org or call 407-647-7005"

About the author- Dwight Bain is dedicated to helping people achieve greater results. He is a Nationally Certified Counselor and Certified Life Coach in practice since 1984 with a primary focus on solving crisis events and managing major change. He and his wife Sheila are lifelong residents of Orlando where they live with their two children and Yorkie. Find more resources to help you and your family by following his counseling and life coaching resources which he posts frequently online at any of these social media sites:

www.Twitter.com/DwightBain
www.Facebook.com/DwightBain
www.DwightBain.com

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Pat Williams inspires while battling Cancer

Pat Williams, owner of the Orlando Magic of the National Basketball
Association (NBA), speaker, author, health advocate and marathon runner, lives a
"never say never" approach to life. This past February, Pat was diagnosed with
multiple myeloma, a rare blood/bone cancer. In typical Pat Williams fashion, he
is not giving this disease the upper hand, as associate and publisher Adam Witty
outlines below. The five keys Adam identifies mesh with The Daniel Plan
principles.
By Adam Witty, Published by Author Advantage Magazine,
Advantage Media
Recently I had dinner with Advantage author Pat Williams. Many of you know of
Pat for his incredible accomplishments: as the Founder of the NBA's Orlando
Magic, as the author of over 65 books, as a motivational speaker, renowned
sports executive, and, gulp, the father of 19 kids! Pat has spoken at our
Marketing Summit, has graced the cover of this magazine, and has been an
inspiration to many.
I first met Pat when I was in college at Clemson, some 12 years ago. Pat
agreed, much to my pleasant surprise, to mentor me. He accepted a seat on the
Board of the company I was running at the time, TicketAdvantage. A sports
fanatic, my dream was to run an NBA basketball team. Why not learn from the guy
that brought NBA basketball to Central Florida? Over the years, Pat and I have
had hundreds of meetings, phone calls, e-mails, and voice messages. Aside from
my own father, I can think of no other person that has taught me more about
business and leadership. I owe a great deal to Pat.
In February, Pat was diagnosed with a rare form of blood cancer, Multiple
Myeloma. I remember speaking with Pat two days after the diagnosis. I said Pat, if anyone can beat this, it is you. Second, you are going to beat
this. As we had dinner, I asked how treatment was going and what his doctors
were saying. My doctor says I have 5 big advantages in fighting this
disease” said Pat. I knew it was time to get out my notepad.
Family. The doctors say that having a loving family is the first critical
ingredient to overcoming a serious health challenge. With 19 kids and a loving
wife, Pat certainly gets a big check mark on that one! Faith. Believing in
someone bigger than yourself cannot be underestimated. Having a relationship
with God gives patients peace, equanimity, and solid footing. Being comfortable
with any outcome actually gives the body energy to recover. A devoted Christian,
Pat is a Sunday school teacher, and openly talks about his faith. Attitude.
As Pat Williams told me many years ago, Attitudes come in two flavors,
Positive and Negative. You choose the quality of your life by choosing what
attitude you have when the going gets tough. Pat is Mr. Positive, from his 65
motivational books, to the famous motivational quotes on his voice mail, Pat
drinks the positive kool aid 24/7!
Fitness. A former college baseball player, Pat has always been a fitness
buff. He has run in over 50 marathons, he exercises at least 1 hour every single
day. When I traveled with him to Detroit to launch our book on Coach Chuck Daly,
Pat was doing wind sprints in the hallway of the hotel. Seriously. Pat has
always eaten a sensible diet. His overall state of good health gives him a huge
advantage when fighting cancer. Professional Network. Just as having strong
support from your family is important, so is having strong support from
colleagues and business associates. There are few organizations as fine as the
Orlando Magic. The level of support Pat has received from co-workers and the
current owner of the club, Rich DeVos, is unparalleled.
As Pat shared all of this with me, I thought, Gee, it would sure be nice
to be Pat Williams if you ever got sick. But as I reflected further, I
realized that these five so called advantages that Pat has are purely of
his own creation. He has worked his tail off over a lifetime to prepare for this
day. Pat's hard work has been a giant insurance policy. Upon further
reflection, I realize that you don't have to be the author of 65 books, the
father or 19 kids, or a renowned sports executive to have the exact same
insurance policy for your own life. All it takes is hard work.
Although it is still too early to tell the exact progress of Pat's
treatment, I can tell you this, you would never think the man had cancer. He was
upbeat, full of energy, and executing on all aspects of his life, without
missing a beat.
When I was in boy scouts, we had a motto, be prepared. What are you
doing today, to prepare yourself for tomorrow? If cancer, or any other challenge
strikes, are you giving yourself the best fighting chance to win? A good
question or all of us.
Words of support can be sent to Pat at pwilliams@orlandomagic.com or by
mail: Pat Williams, c/o Orlando Magic, 8701 Maitland Summit Blvd., Orlando, FL
32810.

Burning up Energy doesn't Bring Positive Change

The Big Tree burned up last week and I’m still sad. A mysterious fire brought down
of one of the world's oldest cypress trees, estimated to be 3,500 years old. The
118-foot-tall bald cypress was the fifth largest tree in the world… but it’s
gone now. The fire investigators believe
that a fire was sparked in a hollow part of the tree, so it slowly burned up from
the inside out. By the time fire fighters were called to save one of the oldest
trees in America – it was too late.

Hearing
the news of a landmark I first visited as a child made me feel sad, but it also
reminded me of how often people do the same thing. Think about it for a minute.
How many times do you see someone who has a great career, but then they self-destruct
from the inside-out. Dr. David Uth describes
it this way, “You never see the fall in a
person’s life – you only see the crash.” Because we can’t see what is burning
in people’s lives there is a tendency to believe they are doing well when in
fact there are two dangerous emotional reactions we need to be aware of...
emotions that can destroy everything good.

Burning up –
This
dangerous behavior is easy to spot. Someone is angry, moody and irritable all
the time. When someone is burning up with emotion they need a healthy way to
vent, so these toxic emotions don’t get dumped on the people they love the
most.

Burning in –
This
is the slow-burn, like the one that destroyed the Big Tree. Resentment,
bitterness or revenge are common emotions that slowly burn inside of a person,
and eventually can destroy them and the relationships they cherish at home, or
work.

So
how can you manage these intense emotions without destroying yourself- or
others? A better approach is to remember the words of King David in Psalm 34…”This
poor man cried out, and the Lord heard him and delivered him from all his
fears.” When you learn to voice the emotional pressure you feel, it can be
pointed toward productive behavior, and can bring much good. (Much like a fire in a fireplace can warm,
comfort and soothe a person.) How can you express emotions without dumping
a “Fire” onto others?
1. Pray it-
Taking
your fears, frustrations, anger and hurt directly to God is the single best way
to manage major emotions. Little children learn to take their burdens to God,
so they don’t have to carry them alone. As adults we can do the same thing.

2.
Write it-
Expressing
painful emotions on paper is a simple way to relieve pressure. The odd thing is
that it’s so simple most people won’t take time to do it. When you take a pen
and paper and just vent out the frustrations you now can actually ‘see’ more of
the problem, so it’s easier to sort through your options and find a solution.

3.
Talk it-
Finding
a trusted friend, pastor or counselor to talk through issues is another
positive way to manage major emotions. It’s also a safe way to sort through the
best way to respond to protect the relationship- instead of letting pressure
build up that will ultimately destroy it.

4.
Read it-
To
spend time in God’s word studying the biblical response to managing emotions is
another positive way to sort through the normal emotional pressures we all
feel. Small children can learn from simple stories that show how to deal with
others, (like “Veggie Tales), and
adults can benefit from the insights of popular authors who focus on counseling
themes. Reading to gain new skills is another way to seek out new options to
manage major emotions. Remember – you always have options.

Do
you see the difference? To let pressure build up inside can lead to the
dangerous situation of a tiny spark igniting a major fire of emotion. Wisdom is
to keep the risk of internal fires away by spending time in healthy skill
development, instead of continually being at risk for a major burn.

The
relationships in your life are important… protect them by keeping the risk of
fire away. Every step you take and every skill you develop will protect the
beauty of God’s design for you, and those you care about.

About the author: Dwight Bain is dedicated to helping people
achieve greater results. He is a Nationally Certified Counselor and Certified
Life Coach in practice since 1984 with a primary focus on solving crisis events
and managing major change. He partners with the media, major corporations and
non-profit organizations to make a positive difference in our culture. Access
more counseling and coaching resources designed to save you time by solving
stressful situations by visiting his life management blog with over 400
complimentary articles and special reports at www.LifeWorksGroup.org

Can you really change during a major life crisis?

Change... it is a part of life thatwe don’t like to face. Oh we mayspeculate on what it would be like to live some where else, move to anotherhouse, take another job in another industry, move away from mom and dad, ormarry our 'dream date'. We like to talkabout the big changes that we may go through one day; but let's face it. Most people hate to go through a majorchange. I think we tend to avoid changelike the plague; even though we know in our heads that God will ultimately usechange to grow us into a stronger person through the process. Some ofthe changes in life are predictable. Losing our first tooth, the independence that comes from a driver’slicense, graduation, moving out on our own, and other expected stages oflife. Some changes are not pleasant, butequally common. A new-born baby notsleeping well and the parents struggling to find the energy to cope with theirnew child's continual cries for comfort, siblings fighting with each other,feeling nervous about a job interview, wondering if you will be able to pay fora child’s future education. We thinkabout those changes for years, often with worry, sometimes with a plan on howto cope when the kids leave home, but always with the anticipation that theevent will happen one day. Thesechanges we accept as a part of growing up... of moving forward... even if wedon’t like it. You may be old enough toremember a popular song from the 1960's based on the verse in Ecclesiastes 3 :1 “Thereis a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven.” God has a plan and purpose for your life, andultimately we know that these predictable stages are a good thing. But what about the changes that we don’tlike. The ones that are unpredictableand painful? Think about the suddenand unpredictable changes in life. Single words tell it all. Death,law-suit, divorce, flood, abuse, hurricane, bankruptcy, flunked, foreclosure,fired. Do we quickly seek to thank Godfor these events. I don’t and suspectthat you don’t either. It is hard to seethe blessing when the change was so unexpected, so sudden, so painful and sohard to figure out. Perhapsthat is why the following words have so much meaning to me. They were spoken by a local mediapersonality, who shared these inspirational words at a banquet where he was thekeynote speaker for the event. It's important to know that hewas speaking that night AFTER he had been fired fromhis day job, yet BEFORE he was allowed to share his firingwith the public. Listen: “After awhile, you learn the subtledifference between holding a hand and chaining a soul. You begin to learn that kisses aren’tcontracts and presents aren’t promises. Learn to accept your defeats with head up and eyes open- with the graceof an adult, not the grief of a child. You build your roads on today, becausetomorrow’s roads are too uncertain for plans. So plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waitingfor someone to bring you flowers. Andlearn you really can endure, that you really are strong and you really do haveworth.” Thesewords remind me that God is in control even if my life feels like it is in atotal crisis. I believe that God has aplan for you, a way out of the pain and toward the strength that comes on theother side of a crisis. The rest of thethird chapter of Ecclesiastes includes the following theme that really gives usthe big picture on sudden and unexpected change. ‘He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternityin the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginningto end.” Ibelieve that God has the major changes of our lives mapped out. He knowswhy bad things happen to good people. Sothe next time a major change hurts you, feels scary, or causes you to want torun like crazy- I hope you will try running. Except this time, run toward Him, because in God you will find the peaceyou need in a difficult place. Hispresence will make all the difference to guide you from panic to a place ofinner strength and lasting peace. NOTE: you can freely redistribute this resource, electronically orin print, provided you leave the authors contact information intact in the boxbelow. About the Author: DwightBain has dedicated his life to guide people toward greater resultsas an Author, Nationally Certified Counselor and Certified Life Coach inpractice since 1984. He has spoken to over 3,000 groups on the topic of making strategicchange to overcome major stress. He is passionate about positivegrowth and is quoted in over 20 personal development books. Corporate client list- Disney, Toyota, AT&T, Harcourt,SunTrust, DuPont & Bank of America. Organizational client list-US Army, Florida Hospital, American Heart Association, International CriticalIncident Stress Foundation and the American Association of ChristianCounselors. Bain is a Trusted Media Resource on managingmajor change and has been interviewed on hundreds of radio and televisionstations; as well as quoted in over 100 newspapers/websites including: Investor’sBusiness Daily, New York Times, Chicago Tribune, Sacramento Bee, AtlantaJournal, Orlando Sentinel, CBN.com, Miami Herald, Newsday, FoxBusiness.com andMSNBC.com Follow Counseling and Coaching insights www.FaceBook.com/dwightbain~ www.linkedin.com/in/dwightbain~ www.Twitter.com/dwightbain ~ www.YouTube.com/LifeworksGroup~http://dwightbain-counselor-coach.blogspot.com/ Accessmore counseling and coaching resources about creating positive change from TheLifeWorks Group (407.647.7005)by visiting their extensive posting of blogs and special reports designedto save you time by strategically solving problems at www.LifeWorksGroup.org

2012 – The End of the World?

2012 is projected by some to be the year that the world ends; and Christian Coach Dwight Bain hopes they are correct… to a degree. If people are stuck in habits and routines of the past then Bain says they should live every day as if it was their last... to maximize the moments and make a positive difference for Christ.

How can you benefit from making some little changes to achieve big results in this year so that you maximize your potential and experience greater success?

These are the top 5 areas that will radically change this year for the Boomer Generation:

1. Digital Technology increase across all generations, especially seniors, (Kindle, iPad, texting, DVR)

2. Healthy lifestyles to avoid health crisis and nursing care, (organic everything, gardens, bankruptcy of “Twinkies” parent company – Hostess)

3. Personal Economy focus more than worrying about the national economy with people focusing on saving over spending, (greater gap between those with financial stability and those in financial crisis)

4. Families are re-structured with Grandparents heavily involved in parenting grandkids, single parent homes increase and women being more empowered to confront issues instead of waiting on a passive husband to get involved

5. Spirituality over traditional Church membership, (deep search for God, just not on Sunday morning, more people open to discussion about faith but not religion)

No matter what the year brings, meditate on this scripture… “Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.” ~ Proverbs 19:21

Motive Based Coaching is the key to Winning at Work

“What does it take to win at work?”

People have asked me that question dozens of times after a keynote speech or radio talk show. They wanted to know the action to take to build a successful life instead of being trapped in long term failure. It's a great question, but since every person faces different challenges there isn't a 100% specific answer that works for every person. A better approach is to focus on the real source of motivation by exploring the underlying motives.

When you discover the motive behind why you want to win at work you will be on track to shaping a strategic approach to speed toward accomplishing goals and avoiding distractions that lead to failure. Here are some key coaching questions to ask yourself-

· Do you want to win at work to deepen your resume to advance your career?
· Does success at work mean making more money to bring home to your family?
· Does career success give you personal meaning and fulfillment?
· Does winning bring you a sense of satisfaction by proving you are the best?

Greater professional success usually gives a person much greater options in their personal life because increased income brings the flexibility to solve problems and control schedules by delegation. Outsourcing to save time and money is a wise use of resources. However, working harder to gain greater self-esteem is a dangerous motivator because it takes major sacrifices of time and energy and can often become a ‘black hole’ of busy activity leading to workaholism.

Career burnout is from an attempt to fill up deep emotional insecurity through aggressive professional activity. Burnout won’t lead to professional success, and sadly is incredibly common among people who haven’t seen the importance of mapping out a realistic career coaching plan to win at work, without losing at home. Finding the Energy for Career Success

So how do you stay motivated to achieve greater career success? Start by dealing with your core values, which can be identified through mapping out your internal motives, since motives lead to motivation. Here are key areas I use to inspire business professionals I've coached to stay focused to win at work while feeling greater energy and fulfillment in the process.

1) Insight
There is a scripture verse I was taught to pray every day, “If any many lacks wisdom let him ask God and it will be given to him.” (James 1:5). If you know that you don’t know the answers, then asking for God’s direction is a wise use of time. Generating insight by asking God to reveal your special gifts and natural ability, regardless of how much you may feel like you are struggling. Everyone has talent and ability at something. It takes insight to see it and then it takes courage to stay focused to light the fire of desire in your heart, especially when you may feel like giving up.

This career coaching approach could begin with some of the people close to you, like a marriage partner, family member or trusted friend because they already know so much about your personality, character, motivation and inner-drives. Asking many questions to gain greater insight will protect against impulsive choices, and insure a greater likelihood of success, so don't be afraid to ask too many questions, but do be afraid to stay silent on this important element.

2) Interests
One you know your gifts, talents, abilities and skills, the next step is to see how those unique gifts could be transferred into something so incredibly interesting that you want to show up and learn more about it every day. There is an old saying that the curious are never bored, which is true. When you are inspired about pursuing something extremely interesting you lose all track of time because you find it so fascinating. Linking your interests with greater insight leads to the next part of the process to win at work.

3) Important
Once you get inspired to pursue the aspects of your job or career calling that are most interesting, the next element to stir up personal motivation is to discover what is most important. What is valuable to you? What has great meaning? What activities or organizations do believe strongly in? Everyone believes in something yet many of us haven’t taken time to explore and discover the core motives that fuel our motivation to create positive change.Now that you have mapped out the key areas that motivate people you are ready for the final stage.

4) IdentityWhen people figure who they are, and what they enjoy doing, they are on track to live out their purpose and have more fun in the process! Perhaps the huge success of many work related reality TV shows, (like American Idol), are because they reveal what many people secretly would like their daily work experience to be - a place that allows them to utilize their creative abilities in an environment that rewards taking big risks to achieve greater results. It’s not hard to stay motivated when you know why you are going to work and it’s not hard to stay in the race to win either. In fact, it makes it easy to move from a fear of failure to moving forward with a new dedication to finish strong!

Now you have the basic career coaching strategies needed to win at work. Yet, even with these insights many people are afraid to try and often give up on the belief that they could have a better life by moving from what I call their ‘day job’ over to fully experiencing their ‘dream job’. Why do they lack career confidence?

Why are they still likely to fail? Here are the hidden motivations that most often lead to losing at work.

Fearful-
Times are tough and many people are afraid about what the economy will do in the future, in fact they can become so frozen in fear they are afraid to try. It’s normal to feel afraid, yet when you are overwhelmed with fear it can often lead to becoming indecisive and totally ‘zoning out.’ Since running away from reality feels easier than facing it for some people they chose to stick their head in the sand and completely deny what’s happening to their industry, (think about how Blockbuster Video failed to make strategic changes with their customers and eventually filed for bankruptcy protection, while competitor organizations like NetFlix and Red Box were thriving).

Some people do this in a passive way and just slowly sink, while others try to avoid reality by using substances or media to escape. Avoiding major change by hiding in fear will lead to a major crisis. Being aware of these dangers and opening up the conversation will help you to ask tough questions to protect yourself when heading toward a dangerous situation.

Frustrated-
This could include marriage partners or coworkers connected to people who are already losing at work, but it’s really more about you. Think about the times you were trying, but it’s just didn't come together. You know you want to finish strong and have a meaningful career, but you feel like you lack the horsepower to really pull out in front of the crowd. When frustration builds up it puts you at great risk, because you face a tough choice. Finish with mediocre results and risk getting laid off or downsized to try again at the next job; or just check out to avoid feeling the pain of not performing to your potential and quit. I’ve especially seen this with highly creative or bright coaching clients who procrastinated until the last minute and then couldn’t finish projects assigned to them. Their frustration often comes out as anger directed toward the closest person to them. It’s not fair, but it happens because they let the frustration take over, which blocks their ability to win at work.

Failing-
Sadly this type of unmotivated person is the easiest to spot because they checked out a long time ago. When someone has reached this level they are so unmotivated they give up on even trying at the most basic of tasks so their resume just reflects a ‘free fall’ down to zero. They totally and completely fail, which crushes their confidence and for many it kills the desire to try again; which leads many coaching clients to give up completely and just drop out on the idea that a meaningful career was ever even a possibility for them.

They are too depleted to even believe that God’s promise spoken through the prophet Jeremiah, ‘Call to Me, and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty things, which you do not know.’ (Jeremiah 33:3) is still available to them. I challenge you to face your fears, frustrations and the fear of failing with words of encouragement from God's word. If you take time out daily to meditate on the Bible I believe it will guide you from fear to greater faith by identifying their core motives, and then translating that into the powerful motivation needed to win at work.

You are stronger than you think, but just in case you are feeling beat up by life, listen to the words of Moses in Exodus 14 as a final challenge when feeling unmotivated or scared about your career; “Do not be afraid. Stand still, and see the salvation of the LORD, which He will accomplish for you today...The LORD will fight for you!"

About the author- Dwight Bain is dedicated to helping people achieve greater results. He is the Executive Director of the International Christian Coaching Association, (ICCA), a Certified Life Coach and Nationally Certified Counselor in practice since 1984 at the LifeWorks Group in Orlando, (http://www.lifeworksgroup.org/) with a primary focus on solving crisis events and managing major change. Stay connected with him on social media at www.linkedin.com/in/dwightbain

Winning at Work with Motive Based Coaching

“What does it take to win at work?”

People have asked me that question dozens of times after a keynote speech or radio talk show. They wanted to know the action to take to build a successful life instead of being trapped in long term failure. It's a great question, but since every person faces different challenges there isn't a 100% specific answer that works for every person. A better coaching approach is to focus on the real source of motivation by exploring the underlying motive.

When you discover the motive behind why your clients want to win at work you will be on track to shaping a coaching approach that speeds them toward accomplishing goals and avoiding distractions that lead to failure. Ask coaching questions like

· Do you want to win at work to deepen your resume to advance your career?
· Does success at work mean making more money to bring home to your family?
· Does career success give you personal meaning and fulfillment?
· Does winning bring you a sense of satisfaction by proving you are the best?

Greater professional success usually gives a person much greater options in their personal life because increased income brings the flexibility to solve problems and control schedules by delegation. Outsourcing to save time and money is a wise use of resources. However, working harder to gain greater self-esteem is a dangerous motivator because it takes major sacrifices of time and energy and can often become a ‘black hole’ of busy activity leading to workaholism.

Career burnout is from an attempt to fill up deep emotional insecurity through aggressive professional activity. Burnout won’t lead to professional success, and sadly is incredibly common among people who haven’t seen the importance of mapping out a realistic coaching plan to win at work.

Finding the Energy for Career Success
So how do you help coaching clients stay motivated to achieve greater career success? Start by dealing with their core values, which can be identified through their internal motives, since motives lead to motivation. Here are key areas I use to inspire people to stay focused to win at work while feeling greater energy and fulfillment in the process.

1) Insight
There is a scripture verse I was taught to pray every day, “If any many lacks wisdom let him ask God and it will be given to him.” (James 1:5). If you know that you don’t know the answers, then asking for God’s direction is a wise use of time. Generating insight by asking God to reveal the special gifts and abilities your coaching client has been granted, regardless of how much they are struggling. Everyone has talent and ability at something. It takes insight to see it and then it takes courage to stay focused to light the fire of desire in the heart of a client who may feel like giving up. This coaching approach could begin with some of the people close to your client, like a marriage partner, family member or trusted friend because they already know so much about your client’s personality, character, motivation and drives. Asking many questions to gain greater insight will protect against impulsive choices, and insure a greater likelihood of success.

2) Interests
Once you know your coaching clients gifts, talents, abilities and skills, the next step is to help them see how those unique gifts could be transferred into something so incredibly interesting that they want to show up and learn more about it every day. There is an old saying that the curious are never bored, which is true. When a coaching client is inspired about pursuing something extremely interesting to them they can lose all track of time because they are so fascinated with the topic they are studying. Linking their interests with greater insight leads to the next part of the process to win at work.

3) Important
Once a coaching client gets inspired to pursue the aspects of their job or career that are interesting to them, the next element to add to stir up motivation is to discover what is important to them. What is valuable to them? What has great meaning? What activities or organizations do they believe strongly in? Everyone believes in something yet they often haven’t taken time to explore and discover the core motives that fuel their motivation to create positive change.Now that you have mapped out the key areas that motivate your coaching client you are ready for the final stage.

4) Identity
When people figure who they are, and what they enjoy doing, they are on track to live out their purpose and having fun in the process! Perhaps the huge success of many work related reality TV shows are because they show what most coaching clients secretly would like their work experience to be - a place that allows them to utilize their creative abilities in an environment that rewards taking big risks to achieve greater results. It’s not hard for them to stay motivated because when they know why they are going to work it’s not hard to stay in the race to win. In fact, it makes it easy to move from a fear of failure to moving forward with a new dedication to finish strong!

Now you have the basic coaching strategies needed to guide your clients toward winning at work. Yet, even with these insights many people are afraid to try and often give up on the belief that they could have a better life by moving from what I call their ‘day job’ over to experiencing their ‘dream job’. Why do they lack career confidence? Why are they still likely to fail? Here are the hidden motivations that most often lead to losing at work.

Fearful
Times are tough and many people are afraid about what the economy will do in the future, in fact they can become so frozen in fear they are afraid to try. It’s normal to feel afraid, yet a coaching client overwhelmed with fear can often become indecisive and ‘zone out.’ Since running away from reality feels easier than facing it for some people they chose to stick their head in the sand and completely deny what’s happening to their industry, (think about how Blockbuster Video failed to make strategic changes with their customers and eventually filed for bankruptcy protection, while competitor organizations like NetFlix and Red Box were thriving).

Some people do this in a passive way and just slowly sink, while others try to avoid reality by using substances or media to escape. Avoiding major change by hiding in fear will lead to a major crisis. Being aware of these dangers and opening up the conversation will help you to ask tough questions to protect your coaching clients when they are heading toward a dangerous situation.

Frustrated
Clients in this could include marriage partners or coworkers connected to people who are losing at work, but it’s really about your coaching clients who are trying, but it’s just not coming together for them. They want to finish strong and have a meaningful career, but they lack the horsepower to really pull out in front of the crowd. These coaching clients are at great risk, because they will face a choice. Finish with mediocre results and risk getting laid off or downsized to try again at the next job; or just check out to avoid feeling the pain of not performing to their potential and quit. I’ve especially seen this with highly creative or bright coaching clients who procrastinated until the last minute and then couldn’t finish projects assigned to them. Their frustration often comes out as anger directed toward the closest person to them. It’s not fair, but it happens because they let the frustration take over, which blocks their ability to win at work.

Failing
Sadly this type of coaching client is the easiest to spot because they checked out a long time ago. When someone has reached this level they are so unmotivated they give up on even trying at the most basic of tasks so their resume just reflects a ‘free fall’ down to zero. They totally and completely fail, which crushes their confidence and for many it kills the desire to try again; which leads many coaching clients to give up completely and just drop out on the idea that a meaningful career was ever even a possibility for them. They are too depleted to even believe that God’s promise spoken through the prophet Jeremiah, ‘Call to Me, and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty things, which you do not know.’ (Jeremiah 33:3) is still available to them.

I challenge you as a Christian to step up with words of encouragement to guide people from fear to greater faith by identifying their core motives, and then translating that into the powerful motivation needed to win at work.

About the author- Dwight Bain is dedicated to helping people achieve greater results. He is the Executive Director of the International Christian Coaching Association, (ICCA), Certified Life Coach and Nationally Certified Counselor in practice since 1984 with a primary focus on solving crisis events and managing major change. Stay connected with him at www.linkedin.com/in/dwightbain

Speak Less - Say More

Words can hurt; words can heal.

But what many leaders forget is that the higher they climb on the "Food Chain," of responsibility, the greater damage they can do with a few careless words.

People 'hear' you differently when they know you are in a leadership position, (and everybody is a leader to somebody). Instead of 'shooting from the hip' by talking without thinking- try something new.

Consider what you would say if you knew a television camera was pointed your way. The world is shrinking because of social networks, so please take a few minutes to think about how you are coming across; that way we don't have to see you sticking your foot in your mouth as the next viral video on YouTube.

Speak less... Say more

5 Strategies for a Successful New Year

There are 5 key areas to focus on if you want to actually keep your New Year's Resolutions.

1) READ!
Readers are leaders, so read more if you want a better quality of life. Especailly inspirational passages from the Bible.

2) WATCH!
Invest time with media that makes a positive difference. Biographies on television or in movies can give you courage and a new perspective.

3) LISTEN!
Find positive ...music or motivating messages on the radio or from audio books checked out at the library. Let your drive time become personal growth time.

4) ATTEND!
Find positive energy from local groups of like-minded leaders at church, business networking events or seminars.

5) CONNECT!
The single greatest influence on your life is from others. Birds of a feather really do hang together, so choose your companions wisely since you will take on their characteristics in multiple ways.

So, there you have it. 5 rapid strategies to build a better you in the new year. Now go and use them to have the best time of your life!!!

10 year old business strategy more valuable today

Found this conversation from an interview with Inc. Magazine almost ten years ago... after seeing some of the Wall Street projections it seems just as timely today.

"Business is changing faster than ever so companies have to be focused, strategic and fast to maintain profitability. One way to stay ahead of this trend is for the bigs to partner with the smalls to offer the best of both worlds to their customers. Matching smalls with bigs brings the winning combination of Speed, Service, Skills and Selection to the marketplace.

This business model is growing because each company can focus on what they do best while allowing their business partner to bring even more elements to the table to further exceed the expectations of their customers while creating added value in the process. Deeply satisfied customers today become long term loyal customers in the future, which benefits everyone.

This type of symbiotic relationship is like the important connection of a cruise ship to a tugboat. While each one serves a very different function for the overall success of the experience, the customer may only see the big cruise ship and not realize that the 100 times smaller tugboat is what did most of the work to actually get them out to sea. Each business needs the other to be excellent at what they do well, and when each side learns to trust the rhythm of shared strengths and core values. It's common to see a business barely surviving explode with growth by rapidly moving ahead and thriving from strategic partnership."

Awake?

Are you awake to your life?

It's been my experience that people are on one of 5 levels...

1. Asleep - totally unaware of their life
2. Awake- inital awareness of reality
3. Aware- tough level off having to face and deal with issues, but at least it's real!
4. Automatic- Changed behavior has become a new pattern... it's almost easy at this point
5. Alive! - Fully engaged into a life that matters!

Which level are you on?

More importantly, what are you doing to move toward a life that is fully engaged and fully alive!

Some days are like that

Ever have one of those days when things just don't come together? Me too.

It's unrealistic that every day will go well, and that things will always work out... better is to bounce back from the conflict or pressure, or problems as they come.

Making the next right decision is the key to a better future... better present too.

Ask yourself if you are ready for a better life. If so, make every day count and don't let anything steal your joy

New Year - Same Old Problems?

Seems like some people celebrate New Years as a holiday... but carry the same old problems.

When you look at your life do you see continual growth or the same old stress?

The secret to a better life is to make the Next Right Choice, (or NRC for short).

Are you mapping out a great year?

If so, then rememberr to utilize NRC as your key strategy for lasting success.

Start with the end in Mind

Today I had a few minutes to catch up with a friend about the value of starting with the end in mind if you want to make a major life transition.

She was trying to decide about selecting the best graduate school... so we charted out her life calling, then worked backwards to select the best school. It was a lot easier than you could imagine, even though it seems odd.

Start with the end in mind and then work back till today. You will be surprised at how quickly you can make a major decision without the stress.

Have you given up on your potential?

Saw this quote on a bumper-sticker today,

"Here's a scary thought - what if you really were living up to your potential?"

Made me wonder what kind of pain and disappointment someone has gone through to make them put that hopeless thought on their car for the world to see. I suspect a lot of people have given up on their dreams, they got hurt and now are afraid to try again.

I believe if you are still breathing that you have more potential and a greater purpose. If you believe that too - then what are you doing today to maximize your potential?

Which is more important - Counseling or Coaching?

Today I was asked about the difference between COUNSELING and COACHING... here's a brief answer in a comparison format.

Counseling has a goal of creating STABILITY

Coaching has a goal of creating SIGNIFICANCE & SUCCESS

is often about dealing with unresolved issues from the PAST

Coaching is usually about building a better FUTURE

Counseling has a final goal of creating a better feeling - to achieve COMFORT

Coaching has a final goal of pushing for better results - to CHALLENGE

Both disciplines are important, but not everyone needs a counselor since so many people have stable, but boring and unfulfilled lives. However everyone needs a coach.

What about you?

Do you need counseling to get 'unstuck' from a painful past?

Or

Do you need coaching to gain satisfaction and strength to create a better future?

Once you know your path - get moving.

New Plan

If your life isn't going the way you want, or worse, if it's a repeat of the same old problems - you need a new plan.

There is a phrase I use a lot - "See you the way God sees you."

God has a bigger plan for your life than you could imagine.

Seek it.

Big Goals = Big Disappointment

Are you making big goals this year?

I did, with the plan of posting every day on this personal journey to guide you toward positive change.

If you have a big goal, you are setting yourself up for big disappointment... or for greater confidence, success and strength.

Positive change is a series of steps. Take the first one to move foward and dream big.

Map out your goals, list out your dreams. If you don't write them down, you won't accomplish anything. Start writing and see what this year brings.

Keep me posted on your progress.

Positive Change

My mom always said that what you do on New Years day you will do every day of the year. Well, I find myself agreeing with her since life is a series of days, hours and minutes.

Success comes in minutes, not through a full year's resolution. Master your minutes and you can have the best year of your life.

I'm on a journey this year to create positive change. I hope you will join me.

Be strong!