Is Happiness connected to Relationships?
3 Strategies to find fulfillment from the people around you
By Dwight Bain, Nationally Certified Counselor and Certified Life Coach
Relationships- we all are impacted by them, but have you thought about how much of our happiness actually comes from being in a healthy relationship? MTV did and recently conducted a massive study to see what made their viewers, (ages 14-34) the happiest... and the answer may surprise you. The number one answer by a huge margin was that these young people longed for a connected relationship with their family.
To be happy at home isn't limited to the younger audience either, because USA Today surveyed an older audience a few months back and discovered the same pattern. The majority of people in the United States define happiness more from the health of their relationships than by their income, house, car or job success combined! I believe God designed us to experience connected relationships and so when we are blessed enough to be in one life is great. However, when we are in a struggling relationship it saps the joy and sucks the energy out of life. If you are having the time of your life with the people in your home, rejoice and make some great memories! And if you aren't, then here are some tips to help you find the love and laughter again.
Blended personalities bring value or war
I saw a desk sign once that read, “everyone here brings happiness- some by leaving and some by staying- which are you?” We all have some degree of relationships and we all them- so why does it seem so hard to find healthy ones? Simple, everyone is different, and those differences either make for a wonderful “blending” of people and personalities, or it creates the ingredients of a major war! No one wants more problems, and since everyone is longing for the best relationship possible, so here are some quick tips to help you have healthier relationships.
1) Start with you
Are you taking responsibility to deal with the major issues in your life? For instance, if you know you have a short temper, take ownership of your anger before you begin to look for another group of friends or family that will just “put up” with your behavior. Scripture teaches us to “do unto others as you would have them do unto you” and “be slow to anger” so start with looking into the mirror of your souls to see what needs attention. Once you see what needs work get busy working on it and if you get stuck, find a coach to help hold you accountable to grow.
2) Do a relationship evaluation
After you have taken bold steps to face your fears and doubts, you should actually sit down and evaluate your current relationships. I suggest that you confidentially list out the key people in your life on a legal pad by name. Start with those closest to you, perhaps parent, child or family relationship, dating or marriage partner boss or co-workers, as well as your spiritual relationship with God.
Pay attention to the strengths of the relationship as well as what needs improvement. As you map out these relationships it will be easy to create a specific action plan. Once you have a plan in hand you can make better decisions about which relationships are working well, and meeting needs in your life, as well as which ones may be a “bottomless pit” of irresponsible behavior and may never grow into a healthy relationship. (There are times that this evaluation process will reveal tremendous problems that require some intensive help from a counselor or clergy member to deal with to make life work better).
3) Prioritize key relationships
Once you have a master list of relationships, you can then quickly see which ones create a source of support and emotional strength so you can regularly nurture them. Too often we take our daily relationships for granted, and spend too much time reaching out to others. Better to spend our emotional energy on staying close to the people that God has placed around us than to abandon those people and try to live life alone.
It won’t be easy to get along with some people in your life, but by taking time to build stronger relationship connections you build greater happiness and fulfillment. Relationships can add value to you today, and for decades to come. Sounds like a great trade for a lifetime of happiness.
Reprint Permission- If this article helped you, you are invited to share it with your own list at work or church, forward it to friends and family or post it on your own site or blog. Just leave it intact and do not alter it in any way. Any links must remain in the article. Please include the following paragraph in your reprint.
"Reprinted with permission from the LifeWorks Group weekly eNews, (Copyright, 2004-2009), To subscribe to this valuable weekly resource visit www.LifeWorksGroup.org or call 407-647-7005"
About the author- Dwight Bain is dedicated to helping people achieve greater results. He is a Nationally Certified Counselor, Certified Life Coach and Certified Family Law Mediator in practice since 1984 with a primary focus on solving crisis events and managing major change.
Showing posts with label complex relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label complex relationships. Show all posts
Friday, May 1, 2009
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Fathers & Sons- why don't they work together anymore?
Fathers & Sons- Why don't they walk the same career path anymore?
by Dwight Bain, Nationally Certified Counselor & Certified Life Coach
Have you noticed how rare it is these days for a son to follow in the same career path as his father? Up until about fifty years ago most boys would take up the same career as their dad and granddad. Dads who were farmers taught their sons about the land, fathers who ran markets showed their boys how to manage a store. It was so common, that historically many last names are associated with the trade or vocation of the man in the family, (think of "Smith" from the craftsmen who may have been silver smiths, or black smiths for instance).
Today young men may go in dozens of career directions, but usually not in the same way as their father. Let's take a quick look at the major reasons why sons don't walk the same career path as their fathers.
Expectations can be a complex thing between fathers and sons
There was a time when you did what your dad expected you to do, whether you liked it or not. That approach may have worked for some, but created rebellion in others. Over the last generation the world changed a lot as has the connection between a dad passing along his profession to his son. Technology may have replaced the need for some closely held father/son family businesses, (like print shops or travel agencies), but broken relationships, poor communication and the power struggle over releasing control to the next generation of leadership has likely stopped far more father/son operations than all the low budget call centers overseas ever could.
Many family businesses aren't hurt by off shore competition, they are crushed by the failure between to communicate between generations.
What are the key elements behind these challenges to father/son businesses?
1) Bill Gates daddy didn't make microchips-
Today's culture often rewards the entrepreneur who launches out to break new ground more than those sticking close to home to follow in a fathers footprints. Bill Gates dad didn't make micro-chips, and Bruce Willis father didn't make action adventure movies. Technology has opened up new doors of opportunity for young men, which pulls them away from the traditional path mapped out by their fathers.
2) The cat really was in the cradle too long-
Some dads were too busy to teach their trade because they were working 80 hours a week to create greater educational opportunities for their sons, and to keep them busy with sports and special summer camps. Workaholic dads that were so busy keeping the wolf away from the door may have lost their son in the process. It doesn't mean that they can't have a good relationship, it just creates a greater likelihood that the son will choose a path similar to the men who actually were around to be a positive influence, (Think about the powerful example of Robert Kiyosaki as described in the book, "Rich dad, Poor dad.").
3. 'It's a Wonderful Life' is a movie, not a family business training film-
Consider the classic Christmas movie, "It's a Wonderful Life" where Jimmy Stewart's character resents having to stay behind and care for the family business while his brother leaves town to pursue a military career. In the movie you can put a happy ending on a grown son's desperate situation by ringing a bell for an angel who gets his wings saving him. In real life it's a lot harder because it often leads to the hard choice of protecting the father/son relationship, or preserving the profitability of the business.
Some sons or their wife and kids, actually resent the family business being 'forced on them' so they serve silently, but often allow bitterness to grow, while others do the opposite of their dads and push their sons in another direction without any guidance at all, just so they won't have the burden of having to carry the family business forward.
Memories are more important than money
Father/Son relationships can be complex. Communication is a major challenge and with the added pressure of trying to make a business profitable it can move from a paternal dynamic to simply becoming a profitable one. When money gets in the way of two generations connecting, cash flow can ruin the importance of just being together as a family. When that happens the business costs too much because staying close to make memories as a father and son is more valuable than just making money.
There are a lot of reasons why boys don't grow up to do the same work as their fathers these days, but if they can still stay close through the years it doesn't matter. Passing on a trade or career isn't as important as still being able to talk and stay close. If you are blessed enough to have a father who is living, and then doubly blessed to have a healthy relationship with your father, then he gave you something more valuable than the family farm, he gave you a legacy of knowing a man secure enough to allow you to choose your own path, and then hopefully to cheer as you pursued your own career dreams that may have been quite different than his.
If you didn't have that kind of relationship with your dad, then make sure that the generation behind you are given a shot at their dreams, even if it's different from yours. Every generation has a chance to make it a little better for the next. Technology and traditions may change, but wanting the best for your kids never does.
Reprint Permission- If this article helped you, you are invited to share it with your own list at work or church, forward it to friends and family or post it on your own site or blog. Just leave it intact and do not alter it in any way. Any links must remain in the article. Please include the following paragraph in your reprint. -
"Reprinted with permission from the LifeWorks Group weekly eNews, (Copyright, 2004-2009), To receive this valuable weekly resource subscribe at www.LifeWorksGroup.org or call 407-647-7005.
About the author-
Dwight Bain is a Nationally Certified Counselor, Certified Life Coach and Certified Family Law Mediator in practice over 25 years with a primary focus on solving crisis events and managing major change. He is an author and member of the National Speakers Association who partners with media, major corporations and non-profit organizations to make a positive difference in our culture.
by Dwight Bain, Nationally Certified Counselor & Certified Life Coach
Have you noticed how rare it is these days for a son to follow in the same career path as his father? Up until about fifty years ago most boys would take up the same career as their dad and granddad. Dads who were farmers taught their sons about the land, fathers who ran markets showed their boys how to manage a store. It was so common, that historically many last names are associated with the trade or vocation of the man in the family, (think of "Smith" from the craftsmen who may have been silver smiths, or black smiths for instance).
Today young men may go in dozens of career directions, but usually not in the same way as their father. Let's take a quick look at the major reasons why sons don't walk the same career path as their fathers.
Expectations can be a complex thing between fathers and sons
There was a time when you did what your dad expected you to do, whether you liked it or not. That approach may have worked for some, but created rebellion in others. Over the last generation the world changed a lot as has the connection between a dad passing along his profession to his son. Technology may have replaced the need for some closely held father/son family businesses, (like print shops or travel agencies), but broken relationships, poor communication and the power struggle over releasing control to the next generation of leadership has likely stopped far more father/son operations than all the low budget call centers overseas ever could.
Many family businesses aren't hurt by off shore competition, they are crushed by the failure between to communicate between generations.
What are the key elements behind these challenges to father/son businesses?
1) Bill Gates daddy didn't make microchips-
Today's culture often rewards the entrepreneur who launches out to break new ground more than those sticking close to home to follow in a fathers footprints. Bill Gates dad didn't make micro-chips, and Bruce Willis father didn't make action adventure movies. Technology has opened up new doors of opportunity for young men, which pulls them away from the traditional path mapped out by their fathers.
2) The cat really was in the cradle too long-
Some dads were too busy to teach their trade because they were working 80 hours a week to create greater educational opportunities for their sons, and to keep them busy with sports and special summer camps. Workaholic dads that were so busy keeping the wolf away from the door may have lost their son in the process. It doesn't mean that they can't have a good relationship, it just creates a greater likelihood that the son will choose a path similar to the men who actually were around to be a positive influence, (Think about the powerful example of Robert Kiyosaki as described in the book, "Rich dad, Poor dad.").
3. 'It's a Wonderful Life' is a movie, not a family business training film-
Consider the classic Christmas movie, "It's a Wonderful Life" where Jimmy Stewart's character resents having to stay behind and care for the family business while his brother leaves town to pursue a military career. In the movie you can put a happy ending on a grown son's desperate situation by ringing a bell for an angel who gets his wings saving him. In real life it's a lot harder because it often leads to the hard choice of protecting the father/son relationship, or preserving the profitability of the business.
Some sons or their wife and kids, actually resent the family business being 'forced on them' so they serve silently, but often allow bitterness to grow, while others do the opposite of their dads and push their sons in another direction without any guidance at all, just so they won't have the burden of having to carry the family business forward.
Memories are more important than money
Father/Son relationships can be complex. Communication is a major challenge and with the added pressure of trying to make a business profitable it can move from a paternal dynamic to simply becoming a profitable one. When money gets in the way of two generations connecting, cash flow can ruin the importance of just being together as a family. When that happens the business costs too much because staying close to make memories as a father and son is more valuable than just making money.
There are a lot of reasons why boys don't grow up to do the same work as their fathers these days, but if they can still stay close through the years it doesn't matter. Passing on a trade or career isn't as important as still being able to talk and stay close. If you are blessed enough to have a father who is living, and then doubly blessed to have a healthy relationship with your father, then he gave you something more valuable than the family farm, he gave you a legacy of knowing a man secure enough to allow you to choose your own path, and then hopefully to cheer as you pursued your own career dreams that may have been quite different than his.
If you didn't have that kind of relationship with your dad, then make sure that the generation behind you are given a shot at their dreams, even if it's different from yours. Every generation has a chance to make it a little better for the next. Technology and traditions may change, but wanting the best for your kids never does.
Reprint Permission- If this article helped you, you are invited to share it with your own list at work or church, forward it to friends and family or post it on your own site or blog. Just leave it intact and do not alter it in any way. Any links must remain in the article. Please include the following paragraph in your reprint. -
"Reprinted with permission from the LifeWorks Group weekly eNews, (Copyright, 2004-2009), To receive this valuable weekly resource subscribe at www.LifeWorksGroup.org or call 407-647-7005.
About the author-
Dwight Bain is a Nationally Certified Counselor, Certified Life Coach and Certified Family Law Mediator in practice over 25 years with a primary focus on solving crisis events and managing major change. He is an author and member of the National Speakers Association who partners with media, major corporations and non-profit organizations to make a positive difference in our culture.
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