Dwight Bain- Change Author

Burning up Energy doesn't Bring Positive Change

2012-02-17T11:29:00.003-08:00

The Big Tree burned up last week and I’m still sad. A mysterious fire brought down
of one of the world's oldest cypress trees, estimated to be 3,500 years old. The
118-foot-tall bald cypress was the fifth largest tree in the world… but it’s
gone now. The fire investigators believe
that a fire was sparked in a hollow part of the tree, so it slowly burned up from
the inside out. By the time fire fighters were called to save one of the oldest
trees in America – it was too late.

Hearing
the news of a landmark I first visited as a child made me feel sad, but it also
reminded me of how often people do the same thing. Think about it for a minute.
How many times do you see someone who has a great career, but then they self-destruct
from the inside-out. Dr. David Uth describes
it this way, “You never see the fall in a
person’s life – you only see the crash.” Because we can’t see what is burning
in people’s lives there is a tendency to believe they are doing well when in
fact there are two dangerous emotional reactions we need to be aware of...
emotions that can destroy everything good.

Burning up –
This
dangerous behavior is easy to spot. Someone is angry, moody and irritable all
the time. When someone is burning up with emotion they need a healthy way to
vent, so these toxic emotions don’t get dumped on the people they love the
most.

Burning in –
This
is the slow-burn, like the one that destroyed the Big Tree. Resentment,
bitterness or revenge are common emotions that slowly burn inside of a person,
and eventually can destroy them and the relationships they cherish at home, or
work.

So
how can you manage these intense emotions without destroying yourself- or
others? A better approach is to remember the words of King David in Psalm 34…”This
poor man cried out, and the Lord heard him and delivered him from all his
fears.” When you learn to voice the emotional pressure you feel, it can be
pointed toward productive behavior, and can bring much good. (Much like a fire in a fireplace can warm,
comfort and soothe a person.) How can you express emotions without dumping
a “Fire” onto others?
1. Pray it-
Taking
your fears, frustrations, anger and hurt directly to God is the single best way
to manage major emotions. Little children learn to take their burdens to God,
so they don’t have to carry them alone. As adults we can do the same thing.

2.
Write it-
Expressing
painful emotions on paper is a simple way to relieve pressure. The odd thing is
that it’s so simple most people won’t take time to do it. When you take a pen
and paper and just vent out the frustrations you now can actually ‘see’ more of
the problem, so it’s easier to sort through your options and find a solution.

3.
Talk it-
Finding
a trusted friend, pastor or counselor to talk through issues is another
positive way to manage major emotions. It’s also a safe way to sort through the
best way to respond to protect the relationship- instead of letting pressure
build up that will ultimately destroy it.

4.
Read it-
To
spend time in God’s word studying the biblical response to managing emotions is
another positive way to sort through the normal emotional pressures we all
feel. Small children can learn from simple stories that show how to deal with
others, (like “Veggie Tales), and
adults can benefit from the insights of popular authors who focus on counseling
themes. Reading to gain new skills is another way to seek out new options to
manage major emotions. Remember – you always have options.

Do
you see the difference? To let pressure build up inside can lead to the
dangerous situation of a tiny spark igniting a major fire of emotion. Wisdom is
to keep the risk of internal fires away by spending time in healthy skill
development, instead of continually being at risk for a major burn.

The
relationships in your life are important… protect them by keeping the risk of
fire away. Every step you take and every skill you develop will protect the
beauty of God’s design for you, and those you care about.

About the author: Dwight Bain is dedicated to helping people
achieve greater results. He is a Nationally Certified Counselor and Certified
Life Coach in practice since 1984 with a primary focus on solving crisis events
and managing major change. He partners with the media, major corporations and
non-profit organizations to make a positive difference in our culture. Access
more counseling and coaching resources designed to save you time by solving
stressful situations by visiting his life management blog with over 400
complimentary articles and special reports at www.LifeWorksGroup.org

Can you really change during a major life crisis?

2012-02-10T12:19:00.001-08:00

Change... it is a part of life thatwe don’t like to face. Oh we mayspeculate on what it would be like to live some where else, move to anotherhouse, take another job in another industry, move away from mom and dad, ormarry our 'dream date'. We like to talkabout the big changes that we may go through one day; but let's face it. Most people hate to go through a majorchange. I think we tend to avoid changelike the plague; even though we know in our heads that God will ultimately usechange to grow us into a stronger person through the process. Some ofthe changes in life are predictable. Losing our first tooth, the independence that comes from a driver’slicense, graduation, moving out on our own, and other expected stages oflife. Some changes are not pleasant, butequally common. A new-born baby notsleeping well and the parents struggling to find the energy to cope with theirnew child's continual cries for comfort, siblings fighting with each other,feeling nervous about a job interview, wondering if you will be able to pay fora child’s future education. We thinkabout those changes for years, often with worry, sometimes with a plan on howto cope when the kids leave home, but always with the anticipation that theevent will happen one day. Thesechanges we accept as a part of growing up... of moving forward... even if wedon’t like it. You may be old enough toremember a popular song from the 1960's based on the verse in Ecclesiastes 3 :1 “Thereis a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven.” God has a plan and purpose for your life, andultimately we know that these predictable stages are a good thing. But what about the changes that we don’tlike. The ones that are unpredictableand painful? Think about the suddenand unpredictable changes in life. Single words tell it all. Death,law-suit, divorce, flood, abuse, hurricane, bankruptcy, flunked, foreclosure,fired. Do we quickly seek to thank Godfor these events. I don’t and suspectthat you don’t either. It is hard to seethe blessing when the change was so unexpected, so sudden, so painful and sohard to figure out. Perhapsthat is why the following words have so much meaning to me. They were spoken by a local mediapersonality, who shared these inspirational words at a banquet where he was thekeynote speaker for the event. It's important to know that hewas speaking that night AFTER he had been fired fromhis day job, yet BEFORE he was allowed to share his firingwith the public. Listen: “After awhile, you learn the subtledifference between holding a hand and chaining a soul. You begin to learn that kisses aren’tcontracts and presents aren’t promises. Learn to accept your defeats with head up and eyes open- with the graceof an adult, not the grief of a child. You build your roads on today, becausetomorrow’s roads are too uncertain for plans. So plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waitingfor someone to bring you flowers. Andlearn you really can endure, that you really are strong and you really do haveworth.” Thesewords remind me that God is in control even if my life feels like it is in atotal crisis. I believe that God has aplan for you, a way out of the pain and toward the strength that comes on theother side of a crisis. The rest of thethird chapter of Ecclesiastes includes the following theme that really gives usthe big picture on sudden and unexpected change. ‘He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternityin the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginningto end.” Ibelieve that God has the major changes of our lives mapped out. He knowswhy bad things happen to good people. Sothe next time a major change hurts you, feels scary, or causes you to want torun like crazy- I hope you will try running. Except this time, run toward Him, because in God you will find the peaceyou need in a difficult place. Hispresence will make all the difference to guide you from panic to a place ofinner strength and lasting peace. NOTE: you can freely redistribute this resource, electronically orin print, provided you leave the authors contact information intact in the boxbelow. About the Author: DwightBain has dedicated his life to guide people toward greater resultsas an Author, Nationally Certified Counselor and Certified Life Coach inpractice since 1984. He has spoken to over 3,000 groups on the topic of making strategicchange to overcome major stress. He is passionate about positivegrowth and is quoted in over 20 personal development books. Corporate client list- Disney, Toyota, AT&T, Harcourt,SunTrust, DuPont & Bank of America. Organizational client list-US Army, Florida Hospital, American Heart Association, International CriticalIncident Stress Foundation and the American Association of ChristianCounselors. Bain is a Trusted Media Resource on managingmajor change and has been interviewed on hundreds of radio and televisionstations; as well as quoted in over 100 newspapers/websites including: Investor’sBusiness Daily, New York Times, Chicago Tribune, Sacramento Bee, AtlantaJournal, Orlando Sentinel, CBN.com, Miami Herald, Newsday, FoxBusiness.com andMSNBC.com Follow Counseling and Coaching insights www.FaceBook.com/dwightbain~ www.linkedin.com/in/dwightbain~ www.Twitter.com/dwightbain ~ www.YouTube.com/LifeworksGroup ~http://dwightbain-counselor-coach.blogspot.com/ Accessmore counseling and coaching resources about creating positive change from TheLifeWorks Group (407.647.7005)by visiting their extensive posting of blogs and special reports designedto save you time by strategically solving problems at www.LifeWorksGroup.org

2012 – The End of the World?

2012-02-01T20:17:00.000-08:00

2012 is projected by some to be the year that the world ends; and Christian Coach Dwight Bain hopes they are correct… to a degree. If people are stuck in habits and routines of the past then Bain says they should live every day as if it was their last... to maximize the moments and make a positive difference for Christ.

How can you benefit from making some little changes to achieve big results in this year so that you maximize your potential and experience greater success?

These are the top 5 areas that will radically change this year for the Boomer Generation:

1. Digital Technology increase across all generations, especially seniors, (Kindle, iPad, texting, DVR)

2. Healthy lifestyles to avoid health crisis and nursing care, (organic everything, gardens, bankruptcy of “Twinkies” parent company – Hostess)

3. Personal Economy focus more than worrying about the national economy with people focusing on saving over spending, (greater gap between those with financial stability and those in financial crisis)

4. Families are re-structured with Grandparents heavily involved in parenting grandkids, single parent homes increase and women being more empowered to confront issues instead of waiting on a passive husband to get involved

5. Spirituality over traditional Church membership, (deep search for God, just not on Sunday morning, more people open to discussion about faith but not religion)

No matter what the year brings, meditate on this scripture… “Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.” ~ Proverbs 19:21

Motive Based Coaching is the key to Winning at Work

2012-01-26T11:46:00.000-08:00

“What does it take to win at work?”

People have asked me that question dozens of times after a keynote speech or radio talk show. They wanted to know the action to take to build a successful life instead of being trapped in long term failure. It's a great question, but since every person faces different challenges there isn't a 100% specific answer that works for every person. A better approach is to focus on the real source of motivation by exploring the underlying motives.

When you discover the motive behind why you want to win at work you will be on track to shaping a strategic approach to speed toward accomplishing goals and avoiding distractions that lead to failure. Here are some key coaching questions to ask yourself-

· Do you want to win at work to deepen your resume to advance your career?
· Does success at work mean making more money to bring home to your family?
· Does career success give you personal meaning and fulfillment?
· Does winning bring you a sense of satisfaction by proving you are the best?

Greater professional success usually gives a person much greater options in their personal life because increased income brings the flexibility to solve problems and control schedules by delegation. Outsourcing to save time and money is a wise use of resources. However, working harder to gain greater self-esteem is a dangerous motivator because it takes major sacrifices of time and energy and can often become a ‘black hole’ of busy activity leading to workaholism.

Career burnout is from an attempt to fill up deep emotional insecurity through aggressive professional activity. Burnout won’t lead to professional success, and sadly is incredibly common among people who haven’t seen the importance of mapping out a realistic career coaching plan to win at work, without losing at home. Finding the Energy for Career Success

So how do you stay motivated to achieve greater career success? Start by dealing with your core values, which can be identified through mapping out your internal motives, since motives lead to motivation. Here are key areas I use to inspire business professionals I've coached to stay focused to win at work while feeling greater energy and fulfillment in the process.

1) Insight
There is a scripture verse I was taught to pray every day, “If any many lacks wisdom let him ask God and it will be given to him.” (James 1:5). If you know that you don’t know the answers, then asking for God’s direction is a wise use of time. Generating insight by asking God to reveal your special gifts and natural ability, regardless of how much you may feel like you are struggling. Everyone has talent and ability at something. It takes insight to see it and then it takes courage to stay focused to light the fire of desire in your heart, especially when you may feel like giving up.

This career coaching approach could begin with some of the people close to you, like a marriage partner, family member or trusted friend because they already know so much about your personality, character, motivation and inner-drives. Asking many questions to gain greater insight will protect against impulsive choices, and insure a greater likelihood of success, so don't be afraid to ask too many questions, but do be afraid to stay silent on this important element.

2) Interests
One you know your gifts, talents, abilities and skills, the next step is to see how those unique gifts could be transferred into something so incredibly interesting that you want to show up and learn more about it every day. There is an old saying that the curious are never bored, which is true. When you are inspired about pursuing something extremely interesting you lose all track of time because you find it so fascinating. Linking your interests with greater insight leads to the next part of the process to win at work.

3) Important
Once you get inspired to pursue the aspects of your job or career calling that are most interesting, the next element to stir up personal motivation is to discover what is most important. What is valuable to you? What has great meaning? What activities or organizations do believe strongly in? Everyone believes in something yet many of us haven’t taken time to explore and discover the core motives that fuel our motivation to create positive change.Now that you have mapped out the key areas that motivate people you are ready for the final stage.

4) IdentityWhen people figure who they are, and what they enjoy doing, they are on track to live out their purpose and have more fun in the process! Perhaps the huge success of many work related reality TV shows, (like American Idol), are because they reveal what many people secretly would like their daily work experience to be - a place that allows them to utilize their creative abilities in an environment that rewards taking big risks to achieve greater results. It’s not hard to stay motivated when you know why you are going to work and it’s not hard to stay in the race to win either. In fact, it makes it easy to move from a fear of failure to moving forward with a new dedication to finish strong!

Now you have the basic career coaching strategies needed to win at work. Yet, even with these insights many people are afraid to try and often give up on the belief that they could have a better life by moving from what I call their ‘day job’ over to fully experiencing their ‘dream job’. Why do they lack career confidence?

Why are they still likely to fail? Here are the hidden motivations that most often lead to losing at work.

Fearful-
Times are tough and many people are afraid about what the economy will do in the future, in fact they can become so frozen in fear they are afraid to try. It’s normal to feel afraid, yet when you are overwhelmed with fear it can often lead to becoming indecisive and totally ‘zoning out.’ Since running away from reality feels easier than facing it for some people they chose to stick their head in the sand and completely deny what’s happening to their industry, (think about how Blockbuster Video failed to make strategic changes with their customers and eventually filed for bankruptcy protection, while competitor organizations like NetFlix and Red Box were thriving).

Some people do this in a passive way and just slowly sink, while others try to avoid reality by using substances or media to escape. Avoiding major change by hiding in fear will lead to a major crisis. Being aware of these dangers and opening up the conversation will help you to ask tough questions to protect yourself when heading toward a dangerous situation.

Frustrated-
This could include marriage partners or coworkers connected to people who are already losing at work, but it’s really more about you. Think about the times you were trying, but it’s just didn't come together. You know you want to finish strong and have a meaningful career, but you feel like you lack the horsepower to really pull out in front of the crowd. When frustration builds up it puts you at great risk, because you face a tough choice. Finish with mediocre results and risk getting laid off or downsized to try again at the next job; or just check out to avoid feeling the pain of not performing to your potential and quit. I’ve especially seen this with highly creative or bright coaching clients who procrastinated until the last minute and then couldn’t finish projects assigned to them. Their frustration often comes out as anger directed toward the closest person to them. It’s not fair, but it happens because they let the frustration take over, which blocks their ability to win at work.

Failing-
Sadly this type of unmotivated person is the easiest to spot because they checked out a long time ago. When someone has reached this level they are so unmotivated they give up on even trying at the most basic of tasks so their resume just reflects a ‘free fall’ down to zero. They totally and completely fail, which crushes their confidence and for many it kills the desire to try again; which leads many coaching clients to give up completely and just drop out on the idea that a meaningful career was ever even a possibility for them.

They are too depleted to even believe that God’s promise spoken through the prophet Jeremiah, ‘Call to Me, and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty things, which you do not know.’ (Jeremiah 33:3) is still available to them. I challenge you to face your fears, frustrations and the fear of failing with words of encouragement from God's word. If you take time out daily to meditate on the Bible I believe it will guide you from fear to greater faith by identifying their core motives, and then translating that into the powerful motivation needed to win at work.

You are stronger than you think, but just in case you are feeling beat up by life, listen to the words of Moses in Exodus 14 as a final challenge when feeling unmotivated or scared about your career; “Do not be afraid. Stand still, and see the salvation of the LORD, which He will accomplish for you today...The LORD will fight for you!"

About the author- Dwight Bain is dedicated to helping people achieve greater results. He is the Executive Director of the International Christian Coaching Association, (ICCA), a Certified Life Coach and Nationally Certified Counselor in practice since 1984 at the LifeWorks Group in Orlando, (http://www.lifeworksgroup.org/) with a primary focus on solving crisis events and managing major change. Stay connected with him on social media at www.linkedin.com/in/dwightbain

Winning at Work with Motive Based Coaching

2012-01-15T21:06:00.000-08:00

“What does it take to win at work?”

People have asked me that question dozens of times after a keynote speech or radio talk show. They wanted to know the action to take to build a successful life instead of being trapped in long term failure. It's a great question, but since every person faces different challenges there isn't a 100% specific answer that works for every person. A better coaching approach is to focus on the real source of motivation by exploring the underlying motive.

When you discover the motive behind why your clients want to win at work you will be on track to shaping a coaching approach that speeds them toward accomplishing goals and avoiding distractions that lead to failure. Ask coaching questions like

· Do you want to win at work to deepen your resume to advance your career?
· Does success at work mean making more money to bring home to your family?
· Does career success give you personal meaning and fulfillment?
· Does winning bring you a sense of satisfaction by proving you are the best?

Greater professional success usually gives a person much greater options in their personal life because increased income brings the flexibility to solve problems and control schedules by delegation. Outsourcing to save time and money is a wise use of resources. However, working harder to gain greater self-esteem is a dangerous motivator because it takes major sacrifices of time and energy and can often become a ‘black hole’ of busy activity leading to workaholism.

Career burnout is from an attempt to fill up deep emotional insecurity through aggressive professional activity. Burnout won’t lead to professional success, and sadly is incredibly common among people who haven’t seen the importance of mapping out a realistic coaching plan to win at work.

Finding the Energy for Career Success
So how do you help coaching clients stay motivated to achieve greater career success? Start by dealing with their core values, which can be identified through their internal motives, since motives lead to motivation. Here are key areas I use to inspire people to stay focused to win at work while feeling greater energy and fulfillment in the process.

1) Insight
There is a scripture verse I was taught to pray every day, “If any many lacks wisdom let him ask God and it will be given to him.” (James 1:5). If you know that you don’t know the answers, then asking for God’s direction is a wise use of time. Generating insight by asking God to reveal the special gifts and abilities your coaching client has been granted, regardless of how much they are struggling. Everyone has talent and ability at something. It takes insight to see it and then it takes courage to stay focused to light the fire of desire in the heart of a client who may feel like giving up. This coaching approach could begin with some of the people close to your client, like a marriage partner, family member or trusted friend because they already know so much about your client’s personality, character, motivation and drives. Asking many questions to gain greater insight will protect against impulsive choices, and insure a greater likelihood of success.

2) Interests
Once you know your coaching clients gifts, talents, abilities and skills, the next step is to help them see how those unique gifts could be transferred into something so incredibly interesting that they want to show up and learn more about it every day. There is an old saying that the curious are never bored, which is true. When a coaching client is inspired about pursuing something extremely interesting to them they can lose all track of time because they are so fascinated with the topic they are studying. Linking their interests with greater insight leads to the next part of the process to win at work.

3) Important
Once a coaching client gets inspired to pursue the aspects of their job or career that are interesting to them, the next element to add to stir up motivation is to discover what is important to them. What is valuable to them? What has great meaning? What activities or organizations do they believe strongly in? Everyone believes in something yet they often haven’t taken time to explore and discover the core motives that fuel their motivation to create positive change.Now that you have mapped out the key areas that motivate your coaching client you are ready for the final stage.

4) Identity
When people figure who they are, and what they enjoy doing, they are on track to live out their purpose and having fun in the process! Perhaps the huge success of many work related reality TV shows are because they show what most coaching clients secretly would like their work experience to be - a place that allows them to utilize their creative abilities in an environment that rewards taking big risks to achieve greater results. It’s not hard for them to stay motivated because when they know why they are going to work it’s not hard to stay in the race to win. In fact, it makes it easy to move from a fear of failure to moving forward with a new dedication to finish strong!

Now you have the basic coaching strategies needed to guide your clients toward winning at work. Yet, even with these insights many people are afraid to try and often give up on the belief that they could have a better life by moving from what I call their ‘day job’ over to experiencing their ‘dream job’. Why do they lack career confidence? Why are they still likely to fail? Here are the hidden motivations that most often lead to losing at work.

Fearful
Times are tough and many people are afraid about what the economy will do in the future, in fact they can become so frozen in fear they are afraid to try. It’s normal to feel afraid, yet a coaching client overwhelmed with fear can often become indecisive and ‘zone out.’ Since running away from reality feels easier than facing it for some people they chose to stick their head in the sand and completely deny what’s happening to their industry, (think about how Blockbuster Video failed to make strategic changes with their customers and eventually filed for bankruptcy protection, while competitor organizations like NetFlix and Red Box were thriving).

Some people do this in a passive way and just slowly sink, while others try to avoid reality by using substances or media to escape. Avoiding major change by hiding in fear will lead to a major crisis. Being aware of these dangers and opening up the conversation will help you to ask tough questions to protect your coaching clients when they are heading toward a dangerous situation.

Frustrated
Clients in this could include marriage partners or coworkers connected to people who are losing at work, but it’s really about your coaching clients who are trying, but it’s just not coming together for them. They want to finish strong and have a meaningful career, but they lack the horsepower to really pull out in front of the crowd. These coaching clients are at great risk, because they will face a choice. Finish with mediocre results and risk getting laid off or downsized to try again at the next job; or just check out to avoid feeling the pain of not performing to their potential and quit. I’ve especially seen this with highly creative or bright coaching clients who procrastinated until the last minute and then couldn’t finish projects assigned to them. Their frustration often comes out as anger directed toward the closest person to them. It’s not fair, but it happens because they let the frustration take over, which blocks their ability to win at work.

Failing
Sadly this type of coaching client is the easiest to spot because they checked out a long time ago. When someone has reached this level they are so unmotivated they give up on even trying at the most basic of tasks so their resume just reflects a ‘free fall’ down to zero. They totally and completely fail, which crushes their confidence and for many it kills the desire to try again; which leads many coaching clients to give up completely and just drop out on the idea that a meaningful career was ever even a possibility for them. They are too depleted to even believe that God’s promise spoken through the prophet Jeremiah, ‘Call to Me, and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty things, which you do not know.’ (Jeremiah 33:3) is still available to them.

I challenge you as a Christian to step up with words of encouragement to guide people from fear to greater faith by identifying their core motives, and then translating that into the powerful motivation needed to win at work.

About the author- Dwight Bain is dedicated to helping people achieve greater results. He is the Executive Director of the International Christian Coaching Association, (ICCA), Certified Life Coach and Nationally Certified Counselor in practice since 1984 with a primary focus on solving crisis events and managing major change. Stay connected with him at www.linkedin.com/in/dwightbain

Speak Less - Say More

2012-01-14T19:30:00.000-08:00

Words can hurt; words can heal.

But what many leaders forget is that the higher they climb on the "Food Chain," of responsibility, the greater damage they can do with a few careless words.

People 'hear' you differently when they know you are in a leadership position, (and everybody is a leader to somebody). Instead of 'shooting from the hip' by talking without thinking- try something new.

Consider what you would say if you knew a television camera was pointed your way. The world is shrinking because of social networks, so please take a few minutes to think about how you are coming across; that way we don't have to see you sticking your foot in your mouth as the next viral video on YouTube.

Speak less... Say more

5 Strategies for a Successful New Year

2012-01-13T05:23:00.001-08:00

There are 5 key areas to focus on if you want to actually keep your New Year's Resolutions.

1) READ!
Readers are leaders, so read more if you want a better quality of life. Especailly inspirational passages from the Bible.

2) WATCH!
Invest time with media that makes a positive difference. Biographies on television or in movies can give you courage and a new perspective.

3) LISTEN!
Find positive ...music or motivating messages on the radio or from audio books checked out at the library. Let your drive time become personal growth time.

4) ATTEND!
Find positive energy from local groups of like-minded leaders at church, business networking events or seminars.

5) CONNECT!
The single greatest influence on your life is from others. Birds of a feather really do hang together, so choose your companions wisely since you will take on their characteristics in multiple ways.

So, there you have it. 5 rapid strategies to build a better you in the new year. Now go and use them to have the best time of your life!!!

10 year old business strategy more valuable today

2012-01-11T11:32:00.001-08:00

Found this conversation from an interview with Inc. Magazine almost ten years ago... after seeing some of the Wall Street projections it seems just as timely today.

"Business is changing faster than ever so companies have to be focused, strategic and fast to maintain profitability. One way to stay ahead of this trend is for the bigs to partner with the smalls to offer the best of both worlds to their customers. Matching smalls with bigs brings the winning combination of Speed, Service, Skills and Selection to the marketplace.

This business model is growing because each company can focus on what they do best while allowing their business partner to bring even more elements to the table to further exceed the expectations of their customers while creating added value in the process. Deeply satisfied customers today become long term loyal customers in the future, which benefits everyone.

This type of symbiotic relationship is like the important connection of a cruise ship to a tugboat. While each one serves a very different function for the overall success of the experience, the customer may only see the big cruise ship and not realize that the 100 times smaller tugboat is what did most of the work to actually get them out to sea. Each business needs the other to be excellent at what they do well, and when each side learns to trust the rhythm of shared strengths and core values. It's common to see a business barely surviving explode with growth by rapidly moving ahead and thriving from strategic partnership."

Awake?

2012-01-10T20:55:00.000-08:00

Are you awake to your life?

It's been my experience that people are on one of 5 levels...

1. Asleep - totally unaware of their life
2. Awake- inital awareness of reality
3. Aware- tough level off having to face and deal with issues, but at least it's real!
4. Automatic- Changed behavior has become a new pattern... it's almost easy at this point
5. Alive! - Fully engaged into a life that matters!

Which level are you on?

More importantly, what are you doing to move toward a life that is fully engaged and fully alive!

Some days are like that

2012-01-09T20:34:00.000-08:00

Ever have one of those days when things just don't come together? Me too.

It's unrealistic that every day will go well, and that things will always work out... better is to bounce back from the conflict or pressure, or problems as they come.

Making the next right decision is the key to a better future... better present too.

Ask yourself if you are ready for a better life. If so, make every day count and don't let anything steal your joy

New Year - Same Old Problems?

2012-01-07T20:34:00.000-08:00

Seems like some people celebrate New Years as a holiday... but carry the same old problems.

When you look at your life do you see continual growth or the same old stress?

The secret to a better life is to make the Next Right Choice, (or NRC for short).

Are you mapping out a great year?

If so, then rememberr to utilize NRC as your key strategy for lasting success.

Start with the end in Mind

2012-01-06T20:53:00.000-08:00

Today I had a few minutes to catch up with a friend about the value of starting with the end in mind if you want to make a major life transition.

She was trying to decide about selecting the best graduate school... so we charted out her life calling, then worked backwards to select the best school. It was a lot easier than you could imagine, even though it seems odd.

Start with the end in mind and then work back till today. You will be surprised at how quickly you can make a major decision without the stress.

Have you given up on your potential?

2012-01-05T19:26:00.000-08:00

Saw this quote on a bumper-sticker today,

"Here's a scary thought - what if you really were living up to your potential?"

Made me wonder what kind of pain and disappointment someone has gone through to make them put that hopeless thought on their car for the world to see. I suspect a lot of people have given up on their dreams, they got hurt and now are afraid to try again.

I believe if you are still breathing that you have more potential and a greater purpose. If you believe that too - then what are you doing today to maximize your potential?

Which is more important - Counseling or Coaching?

2012-01-04T20:10:00.000-08:00

Today I was asked about the difference between COUNSELING and COACHING... here's a brief answer in a comparison format.

Counseling has a goal of creating STABILITY

Coaching has a goal of creating SIGNIFICANCE & SUCCESS

is often about dealing with unresolved issues from the PAST

Coaching is usually about building a better FUTURE

Counseling has a final goal of creating a better feeling - to achieve COMFORT

Coaching has a final goal of pushing for better results - to CHALLENGE

Both disciplines are important, but not everyone needs a counselor since so many people have stable, but boring and unfulfilled lives. However everyone needs a coach.

What about you?

Do you need counseling to get 'unstuck' from a painful past?

Do you need coaching to gain satisfaction and strength to create a better future?

Once you know your path - get moving.

New Plan

2012-01-03T20:50:00.000-08:00

If your life isn't going the way you want, or worse, if it's a repeat of the same old problems - you need a new plan.

There is a phrase I use a lot - "See you the way God sees you."

God has a bigger plan for your life than you could imagine.

Seek it.

Big Goals = Big Disappointment

2012-01-02T20:01:00.000-08:00

Are you making big goals this year?

I did, with the plan of posting every day on this personal journey to guide you toward positive change.

If you have a big goal, you are setting yourself up for big disappointment... or for greater confidence, success and strength.

Positive change is a series of steps. Take the first one to move foward and dream big.

Map out your goals, list out your dreams. If you don't write them down, you won't accomplish anything. Start writing and see what this year brings.

Keep me posted on your progress.

Positive Change

2012-01-01T15:56:00.000-08:00

My mom always said that what you do on New Years day you will do every day of the year. Well, I find myself agreeing with her since life is a series of days, hours and minutes.

Success comes in minutes, not through a full year's resolution. Master your minutes and you can have the best year of your life.

I'm on a journey this year to create positive change. I hope you will join me.

Be strong!

Media Life Magazine - New trend: A drop in TV households

2011-12-02T13:20:00.000-08:00

Media Life Magazine - New trend: A drop in TV households

More important than ever for coaches, authors and communicators to be connected on the web... television alone platforms are beginning the slow slide toward the future, (remember the 8 track). People still watch, just not exclusively in front of a big box in the living room.

What do you think will become of television? And more importantly, are you positioned to be part of the next big wave?

pray to make it through the day

2010-02-06T14:45:00.000-08:00

On the toughest days, remember to pray, journal and look forward in faith so that you don't feel overwhelmed by fear.

Does "The Shack" solve Childhood Trauma?

2010-01-28T16:53:00.000-08:00

Does “The Shack” solve Childhood Trauma?
Commentary and review from Dwight Bain

“The Shack” is one of the most popular fiction books in the country with millions of copies in print. Could it be because the author, Paul Young, used this parable story to address the issue of finding resolution from his own childhood trauma? Here's an overview of "The Shack" as well as the testimony of the author, which explains much of his orientation in writing a book like this one; which was almost an autobiography of his own healing journey from sexual abuse and adultery. The author spoke in the Orlando area last year and I could hear his heart and motivation to write this book. Knowing the author will always give you a better understanding of the intended message, and often will help you to understand why so many people are connecting to this little paperback book about getting past their secrets, shame and pain to really feeling free in a relationship with God as their "Papa".

The Shack, by William Paul Young

Paul wrote this parable book at the urging of his wife for a Christmas gift for their 6 children, December 2005. Then copies from Kinko's were passed around between friends and family in 2006, and when not a single publisher, (Christian publishers thought it was too mystical, mainstream publishers though it too religious), would print the book, he shared it with two local pastors in Oregon, who created a publishing company specifically for this book. "Windblown Media", began in 2007 and pulled together a mere $300 to market the book. It began selling by the tens of thousands via their website, www.theshackbook.com with almost a million copies in print in just over 18 months, shattering all records for a self-published title. The "Shack” had its debut at No. 1 on the New York Times trade paperback fiction best-seller list It is No. 1 on Borders Group’s trade paperback fiction list, and at Barnes & Noble it has been No. 1 on the trade paperback list since May 2008. It is currently at #8 overall on Amazon.com in ranking of book sales out of the more than 2 million titles they carry on-line.

Theme:The title of the book is a metaphor for “the house you build out of your own pain”.

The goal is to go to the shack to be healed from the secret shame or hurts from your past by seeing God in a new way. Young views his journey of emotional and spiritual healing vicariously through the main character of 'Mack'. In hearing the author’s testimony about his motivation to write the book, he describes that it actually took him over 11 years to find the emotional and spiritual healing that the character Mack experienced in the shack with God in just a few days.

Early in the story Mack's youngest daughter is kidnapped and murdered by a serial killer. Four years later he is called to visit the shack where his daughter was murdered by a note from God. He spends a weekend there with God in the flesh, envisioned by the author as a large African-American woman, who calls herself “Papa”; Jesus, appears as a plain Jewish workman; and the Holy Spirit is portrayed as Sarayu, a translucent Asian woman who floats like the wind. (Sarayu is from a Hindu word meaning the gentle wind that catches you by surprise to refresh you).

The book is a parable story written for his children, not theology, so it can’t be taken literally, but rather is designed to be understood on a more personal level. This way you can go to your own ‘shack’ to find the answers that only God could give you. Although Paul describes that he wrote it only to help his kids not carry the terrible emotional and spiritual baggage that he has shouldered all his life as a Preachers Kid and Missionary Kid, (Who grew up among a stone age tribal group of near cannibals, known as "The Dani", in New Guinea, near West Papua). He was first sexually molested at age 4 and then throughout childhood by the tribe and then by older boys, although he never told his parents at that time. He still has a broken relationship with his biological father, who is alive and a pastor in Canada still. Paul speaks openly of how painful it still is to carry that broken father relationship of abandonment which he believes may never be healed.

Part of the popularity of this book is likely from the controversy of how many people hate it, most likely because they are focused on the lack of systematic theology, which is intentional by the author; instead of focusing on his experience of healing from the past secrets and shame. Paul is a Bible college and Seminary graduate who worked on church as well as ministry staffs along with dozens of other jobs he has held through the decades to provide for his family of six kids. Despite the popularity of the book, he, his wife Kim and their young adult kids still live in a rented house in Oregon.

On a personal note, I enjoyed the book and thought it would help people with a wounded past most of all, while likely just offending people who haven't ever experienced horrible trauma or those who were deeply wounded, yet spend all their time desperately trying to cover it up with massive amounts of religious activity or just trying to act perfect. Oh yes, Papa is a large black woman, because in his childhood it was the large black women would rescue him, love him and be his safest place; while his own parents were so busy building a ministry that they left Paul to the mercy of a brutal culture. I've listened to his testimony via television interviews, on CD and read it in print and find this man to be sound in his faith and not driven by anything or trying to upset anyone’s belief system, rather trying to help them see God’s grace, healing and forgiveness in a new way. Basically he was a simple man who wrote a story as a Christmas gift to help his own children be at peace in their understanding of how much God loves them.

This book’s popularity has been supernatural because it is going into some amazing places around our world and challenging people about actively working through their own ‘shack’ of issues to experience a new level of peace with God. I hope this analysis is useful to equip you in understanding how to find a deeper walk with Christ than you’ve ever known and then to share that freedom with even more wounded people. That way you can help others to experience greater emotional and spiritual healing; and the remarkable freedom of spending time with God alone in the “Shack” and then coming out as a new person by God’s grace.

================► Willie's Personal Testimony and Journey

We live in a world where ‘normal’ does not truly exist except as an idea or concept. For each of us, where and how we grew up plays a foundational role in our sense of ‘normal’, and only when we begin to experience the ‘bigness and diversity’ of the world are we tempted to evaluate our roots. I thought the way I grew up was ‘normal’ but I think most would probably agree that my history and journey have been a bit unusual.

I was the eldest of four, born May 11th, 1955, in Grande Prairie, Alberta, Canada, but the majority of my first decade was lived with my missionary parents in the highlands of Netherlands New Guinea (West Papua), among the Dani, a technologically stone age tribal people. These became my family and as the first white child and outsider who ever spoke their language, I was granted unusual access into their culture and community. Although at times a fierce warring people, steeped in the worship of spirits and even occasionally practicing ritualistic cannibalism, they also provided a deep sense of identity that remains an indelible element of my character and person. By the time I was flown away to boarding school at age 6, I was in most respects a white Dani.

In the middle of a school year, my family unexpectedly returned to the West. My father worked as a Pastor for a number of small churches in Western Canada and by the time I graduated, I had already attended thirteen different schools. I paid my way through Bible College working as a radio disc jockey, lifeguard and even a stint in the oil fields of northern Alberta. I spent one summer in the Philippines and another touring with a drama troupe before working in Washington D.C. at Fellowship House, an international guest house. Completing my undergraduate degree in Religion, I graduated summa cum laude from Warner Pacific College in Portland, Oregon. The following year, I met and married Kim Warren and for a time worked on staff at a large suburban church while attending seminary.

I have owned businesses and worked for others in diverse industries, from insurance to construction, venture capital companies to telecom, contract work to food processing; whatever was needed to help feed and house my growing family. I have always been a writer, whether songs, poetry, short stories or newsletters; never for public consumption but for friends and family. While I have extensively written for business, creating web content, business plans, white papers etc., The Shack was a story written for my six children, with no thought or intention to publish. It is as much a surprise to me as to anyone else that I am now an ‘author’.

Overall, I am a very simple guy; I have one wife, six kids, two daughter-in-laws and two grandkids on the way. I work as a general manager, janitor and inside sales guy for a friend who owns a small manufacturers rep company in Milwaukie, Oregon, and I live in a small rented house in Gresham, Oregon, that Kim has made into a marvelous home. My time is spent loving the people that are a part of my life. I am not connected, or a part, or a member of, or involved inside any sort of organization or movement anywhere. The truth is that I doubt anyone would want me. From my perspective that is a very positive thing… for both of us. I have lots of incredible friends, and now you are one of those. Oh yeah… and I wrote this book.

These are some of the facts of my life, but they don’t begin to tell the real story. That would take much more room than is available here. The journey has been both incredible and unbearable, a desperate grasping after grace and wholeness. These facts don’t tell you about the pain of trying to adjust to different cultures, of life losses that were almost too staggering to bear, of walking down railroad tracks at night in the middle of winter screaming into the windstorm, of living with an underlying volume of shame so deep and loud that it constantly threatened any sense of sanity, of dreams not only destroyed but obliterated by personal failure, of hope so tenuous that only the trigger seemed to offer a solution.

These few facts also do not speak to the potency of love and forgiveness, the arduous road of reconciliation, the surprises of grace and community, of transformational healing and the unexpected emergence of joy. Facts alone might help you understand where a person has been, but often hide who they actually are.The Shack will tell you much more about me than a few facts ever could. In some ways my life is partly revealed in both characters—Willie and Mack. But an author is always more. I hope that someday we can share a cup of coffee, or for me, an extra hot chai tea with soy. If that happens, and if you want, I will tell you a little more about the bigger story and you can tell me some of yours.

That about sums up my life. For me, everything is about Jesus and Father and the Holy Spirit, and relationships, and life is an adventure of faith lived one day at a time. Any aspirations, visions and dreams died a long time ago and I have absolutely no interest in resurrecting them (they would stink by now anyway). I have finally figured out that I have nothing to lose by living a life of faith. I know more joy every minute of every day than seems appropriate, but I love the wastefulness of my Papa’s grace and presence. For me, everything in my life that matters, is perfect! (source: author information, www.theshackbook.com)

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► Endorsements for “The Shack”“When the imagination of a writer and the passion of a theologian cross-fertilize the result is a novel on the order of The Shack. This book has the potential to do for our generation what John Bunyan’s Pilgrim’s Progress did for his. It’s that good!” - Eugene Peterson, Professor Emeritus Of Spiritual Theology,Regent College, Vancouver, B.C.

“The Shack is a one of a kind invitation to journey to the very heart of God. Through my tears and cheers, I have been indeed transformed by the tender mercy with which William Paul Young opened the veil that too often separated me from God and from myself. With every page, the complicated do’s and don’t that distort a relationship into a religion were washed away as I understood Father, Son, and Holy Ghost for the first time in my life.” -Patrick M. Roddy, Emmy Award Winning Producer of ABC News

“Riveting, with twists that defy your expectations while teaching powerful theological lessons without patronizing. I was crying by page 100. You cannot read it without your heart becoming involved.” - Gayle E. Erwin, Author The Jesus Style

“Finally! A guy-meets-god novel that has literary integrity and spiritual daring. The Shack cuts through the clichés of both religion and bad writing to reveal something compelling and beautiful about life’s integral dance with the divine. This story reads like a prayer—like the best kinds of prayer, filled with sweat and wonder and transparency and surprise. When I read it, I felt like I was fellowshipping with God. If you read one work of fiction this year, let this be it.” -Mike Morrell, Zoecarnate.com

“Don’t miss this! If there’s a better book out there capturing god’s engaging nature and his ability to crawl into our darkest nightmare with his love, light and healing, I’ve not seen it. For the most ardent believer or newest spiritual seeker, the shack is a must-read.” - Wayne Jacobsen, author of So You Don’t Want to Go to Church Anymore

“An exceptional piece of writing that ushers you directly into the heart and nature of god in the midst of agonizing human suffering. This amazing story will challenge you to consider the person and the plan of god in more expansive terms than you may have ever dreamed.” -David Gregory, author of Dinner with a Perfect Stranger

“The path to God is paved with questions—sometimes frightening and deeply painful ones. While reading The Shack I realized the questions unfolding in this captivating novel were questions I was carrying deep within me. True freedom is born from facing those things we feel we don’t have the courage or strength to face. The beauty of this book is not that it supplies the reader with easy answers to grueling questions, but that it invites you to come in close to a God of mercy and love, in whom we find hope and healing.” - Jim Palmer, author of Divine Nobodies
For more about “The Shack” visit http://www.theshackbook.com/

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► Web Reviewer from Great Britain about “The Shack”I am sorry to say that I am rarely surprised by new Christian titles – it’s not that they aren’t good, but just that I get what I expect. Not so with ‘The Shack’. This is the best Christian novel I have ever read; an absolute heart wrenching page-turner. The Shack is a breath of fresh air for the Church.The plot centres round Mack, a father distraught and depressed over the abduction and murder of his youngest daughter. Four years after the tragedy, he receives a note inviting him back to the shack where the crime was perpetrated. The author of the note is God.

Through beautifully-crafted encounters between the novel’s characters, Young deals with the hardest questions of the Christian faith: Where is God in suffering? Who is the Holy Trinity? And, how can we understand God’s justice and mercy? As a vicar and apologist I have longed to read something that not only makes rational sense but also resonates with the heart. Surely this is it.

I cried, I laughed, at points the theologian in me shouted, but ultimately my heart was enlarged by the awesome love of God. This book has increased my excitement about heaven, indeed it has revolutionized it. I can’t wait to eat pies with Papa! Read it and you will know what I mean.

High: Pretty much all of it. It’s one of those books that you want buy five copies of to hand out to friends.
Low: Should have been longer.

Reviewed by Rev Will Van Der Hart, co-director of Mind and Soul (www.mindandsoul.info) and associate vicar of St Mary’s, Bryanston Sq, London.
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► From USA TodayAim at 'spiritually interested' sparks 'The Shack' salesBy Cathy Lynn Grossman, USA TODAY 5-1-08A little novel written by an Oregon salesman and self-published by two former pastors with a $300 marketing budget is lighting up USA TODAY's Best-Selling Books list with a wrenching parable about God's grace.

First-time author William P. Young's book The Shack, in which the father of a murdered child encounters God the Father as a sarcastic black woman, Jesus as a Middle Eastern laborer and the Holy Spirit as an Asian girl, is No. 8 on the list.

Aimed at the "spiritually interested," the novel had an inauspicious start, says co-publisher Brad Cummings, who is still shipping books from the garage of his home in Thousand Oaks, Calif., and nearby mini-warehouses. Young says that when he wrote the book in 2005, "my only goal was to get copied and bound at Kinko's in time for Christmas as a gift to my kids."

Until The Shack sales soared, he was a manufacturer's representative for a technology company by day and did website design work on the side. But he had always been a writer, he says, who gave poems and stories as gifts.

He wrote the book to explain his own harrowing journey through pain and misery to "light, love and transformation" in God to his six children, ages 14 to 27.

Eleven years ago, Young says, he was hanging on by a thread, haunted by his history as a victim of sexual abuse, by his own adulterous affair, by a life of shame and pain, all stuffed deep in his psyche. "The shack" was what he called the ugly place inside where everything awful was hidden away. The book is about confronting evil and stripping the darkness away to reveal a loving God within, he says.Why are so many heading for The Shack? "People are not necessarily concerned with how orthodox the theology is. People are into the story and how the book strikes them emotionally," Garrett says.

► From The New York Times:Christian Novel Is Surprise Best SellerBy MOTOKO RICH, New York TimesJune 24, 2008
Eckhart Tolle may have Oprah Winfrey, but “The Shack” has people like Caleb Nowak. Skip to next paragraphMr. Nowak, a maintenance worker near Yakima, Wash., first bought a copy of “The Shack,” a slim paperback novel by an unknown author about a grieving father who meets God in the form of a jolly African-American woman, at a Borders bookstore in March. He was so taken by the story of redemption and God’s love that he promptly bought 10 more copies to give to family and friends.“Everybody that I know has bought at least 10 copies,” Mr. Nowak said. “There’s definitely something about the book that makes people want to share it.”

Just over a year after it was originally published as a paperback, “The Shack” had its debut at No. 1 on the New York Times trade paperback fiction best-seller list on June 8 and has stayed there ever since. It is No. 1 on Borders Group’s trade paperback fiction list, and at Barnes & Noble it has been No. 1 on the trade paperback list since the end of May, outselling even Mr. Tolle’s spiritual guide “A New Earth,” selected by Ms. Winfrey’s book club in January.

Sales have been fueled partly by a whiff of controversy. Some conservative Christian leaders and bloggers have attacked “The Shack” as heresy. The Rev. R. Albert Mohler Jr., president of the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, devoted most of a radio show to the book, calling it “deeply troubling” and asserting that it undermined orthodox Christianity. Others have said the book’s approach to theology is too breezy to be taken seriously.

Even people initially put off by the book’s characterization of God as a black woman were won over. “I was so stunned by the presentation of Papa that I couldn’t deal with it,” said Bill Ritchie, senior pastor of an 8,000-member nondenominational church in Vancouver, Wash., who recalled putting the book down at first. He eventually finished it and told his congregation that it was “one of the most remarkable books I’ve read in years.” Since early this year, his church has been buying copies to sell to members by the caseload.

Mr. Young, who is known as Paul, said he had written “The Shack” as a gift for his six children. The shack was a metaphor for “the house you build out of your own pain,” Mr. Young said in a telephone interview from the Phoenix airport on his way to a book reading. (source: www.NewYorkTimes.com)

15 Factors that Fuel Infidelity

2010-01-14T15:40:00.000-08:00

The Secret behind Cheaters-
15 factors that Fuel Infidelity
By Dwight Bain, Nationally Certified Counselor & Certified Life Coach

Celebrities do it - so do Pro Athletes, Politicians, Television Evangelists, Executives, Salesmen, Singers, Truckers, Teachers, and even Presidents. No, I’m not referring to a Nike commercial, rather to people who cheat in their marriage relationship. There is even a reality TV show called, “Cheaters” where you can watch a betrayed partner spy on and eventually confront their mate – caught in the act.

Cheating as Recreational Entertainment or Symptom of Psychological Problems?

Watching people lie, cheat, manipulate or hide in the shadows of their secret sin isn’t entertaining, it’s just sad. Lying, cheating and covering up secret affairs has become so commonplace that it has evolved into media fodder for stand up comics to joke about, trending topics to Tweet about, or an endless source of gossip fueling the tabloid headlines at the checkout counter of your local supermarket.

Why do cheaters cheat?
Instead of being entertained by affairs, let’s take a moment to understand the psychological dynamics behind breaking the basic promise in a relationship – to be faithful. What drives a man, (or woman since women cheat almost as often as men according to a cover story in Newsweek magazine), to break their vows, violate their values and spend more time in the shadows of their secret fantasy life than simply living in the light of the life they already have?

15 Factors fuel Adultery
There are 15 key elements that can cause someone to ignore everything they believe in to break all the rules of a stable relationship. The more factors present, the harder it is to break out of the illicit relationship and the more likely trust can’t be rebuilt, meaning that restoration is virtually impossible. Most people think that an affair “just happened” like a bolt of lightening out of the sky striking two unsuspecting individuals who then are destined to become soul-mates for the rest of eternity. Nope. That concept fuels ‘chick-flick’ movies, sappy music and smutty novels but it isn’t the real reason that drives people to cheat.

Here are the factors that drive people to cheat. As you read them, think of the people you have watched in a continual and desperate attempt to find somebody new to love, who only ended up creating massive stress and chaos for everyone else involved. Because when a secret life is exposed, all the new ‘love’ gets replaced with loss and pain. There are tremendous losses; loss of family, loss of children, loss of financial stability and loss of integrity; over the deceit and betrayal. Research from the University of Florida showed that only 3% of people who cheat and end their marriage to be with their secret lover actually end up staying married to their new love interest. The passion of infatuation fades fast, or to quote Will Smith’s old song lyric, “Ain’t no love in the Champagne room”

The real reason behind bad behavior is not because people wake up and decide to destroy their lives. Actually a lot of things are going on privately under the surface which aren’t evident until their public lives collapse after the affair is discovered. Here are the most common factors that erode stability and ruin relationships.

Selfishness – The clear #1 factor that fuels secret relationships is a commitment to please ones self over any commitment to their partner. Selfishness is a subtle slave master because it seems so natural to do what feels good inside, without consideration for how it will affect others. Once a person buys into the notion that their happiness is more important than that of their marriage partner, or children, parents, co-workers, boss or share-holders; they begin a seductive slide into the darkness of forbidden behaviors. Rules don’t matter to a person driven by their selfish need for pleasure, which is why they justify their bad decisions instead of having the self-control not to make them in the first place.

Lustful – However not the kind of lust you may be thinking about. Adultery is fueled by psychological insecurities more than by physical intimacy. The breathless ripping off of clothes (remember Michael Douglas in the elevator scene of the film “Fatal Attraction”) to experience physical passion is only one stage of an affair. It’s not the only factor and in long term affairs it’s often a forgotten one. Lust is the illicit desire for something more; so once the ‘conquest’ has been made with the new partner, a cheater silently begins the ‘hunt’ for the next target in their string of hopping from bed to bed hoping for a little more happiness. They are continually looking and lusting for a better life instead of learning how to be satisfied with the one they have. Perhaps that’s why “Hollywood” marriages only last a few years. Lust for more prevents feeling contentment and satisfaction inside the person driven to find a little more happiness from their partner instead of finding it inside themselves. When someone is never fully satisfied with their life they and their relationships continually change because of it.

Lonely – Distance in a relationship leaves a married partner feeling empty inside. Often instead of working to solve that emptiness in a positive way, (creating connection points through date-nights, weekend getaways or attending a couples retreat together), they just grow more distant which leaves them vulnerable to the temptation of forbidden fruit. However, loneliness is a solvable problem in a marriage because there are so many healthy ways a lonely partner can reach out to rebuild their relationship. Loneliness can be solved by reconnecting with God and healthy people, including talking with a pastor, counselor or family member who can help develop strategies in a positive way, instead of leaving the gap of temptation open by crying on the shoulder of a stranger. It takes courage to move past the fear of feeling alone to seek help, but it’s a stronger choice than the chaos of living a secret life.

Low esteem – When someone feels like they are a ‘loser’ in life they are vulnerable to the temptations of others. Low esteem leaves the door open for someone to respond to the advances of a stranger because they don’t believe in themselves. When there is a major gap of personal confidence, or someone believes that they are not worthy of feeling loved they might seek out the attention of strangers to fill the ‘leaks’ from the ‘holes in their soul’. It doesn’t last for long, which is why they drift from relationship to relationship looking for someone who will completely satisfy their emptiness and fears. The problem is that another person cannot completely fill up the gaps inside; at least not for long. And there is always the risk of meeting someone new who has just a little more charisma or charm, leaving the door open to change partners again and again.

Conversation Connection – One of the most common factors I’ve heard from hundreds of people who crashed their marriage relationship to be with a stranger said it was because the new person was just so “Easy to talk to”. This is a subtle way into seduction because it seems so innocent. One day you are just sharing opinions and ideas with someone at work, church, or at a social event. And then, WHAM! The chemistry races ahead of reason and decisions are made that destroy stability. There are many people you could talk to in safe ways, but long conversations with someone new can lead to saying goodbye to the people who trusted you to stay faithful and keep the promises made in marriage.

Power and control – You may not have associated this category with cheaters, but it is a driving force. You see, many times the whole dynamic of keeping a secret lifestyle is to break the rules of order and decency to do whatever they want to do. To control others, or feel the invincible power of being able to get away with breaking the rules leads many powerful people into destroying their lifestyle. While it is true that you can break the rules, it is also true that eventually the rules break you. Cheaters forget that the truth always comes out, always. It’s just not revealed quickly. Sometimes people even act abusive to force their desires of manipulation on others, which is why those relationships fail so fast and so often. You can’t make someone do something they don’t want to do for very long, and if an affair is driven by the issues of power and control eventually the people in it will grow tired of the manipulation and gradually pull away. Sadly a lot of innocent people get stepped on in the process.

Addictions- When someone can’t stop their inappropriate and irresponsible behavior it can often be tied to the driven compulsive need for instant gratification, instead of long term commitment. Sadly I’ve seen situations where secret addictions were suffocating all of the joy out of living the life a person had been given because they were continually and compulsively reaching for something else. Addictions don’t make much sense to people who haven’t struggled with inner demons of desire, yet to an addict it is more important than their next breath. Addiction gradually destroys every relationship and will usually end a marriage if professional help isn’t sought out to stabilize the real factors fueling the fire of out of control desire inside.

Shame based past – Unresolved abuse of any kind, (either as victim or perpetrator) can lead to acting outside of the normal boundaries of a marriage relationship. Simply put, if a person feels dirty on the inside because of what has happened to them in the past, they often will act ‘dirty’ on the outside. This is tied to deeper psychological issues that often require counseling to resolve because a person with shame issues will continue to repeat the same self-destructive behavior pattern. Shame creates a feeling of guilt and condemnation and can become a driving force behind irresponsible and impulsive behavior. Until shame based behaviors are stabilized the person will continual to make the wrong choices, and while they may hate themselves for doing the wrong thing, they feel like they have absolutely no power to stop it.

Peer Pressure – You become like the people you hang around. So when a person works in an environment that embraces impulsive decisions, or if there is a ‘locker room’ mentality of conquest over character people ruin relationships. This can show up as ending up in the wrong bed on a business trip, or drinking too much at the office Christmas party, and then bragging about their indiscretions to coworkers. Focusing on romance instead of real work violates the basic principle of any job. A professor I had at Rollins College taught me, “Work should be about creating a quality product or service that returns a profit to shareholders.” Some corporate cultures push people to be their best, others build teams who want to pass the competition, however in a toxic workplace people spend their time sneaking around on the job to fall in love with someone else’s spouse. Cheating hurts a marriage, but it can also hurt the customers, clients and coworkers who depend on people do actually do their job well; instead of being totally distracted by the pressure to have more partners.

Lies, Deception & Cover Up – this factor is based on the notion that “liars lie – and cheaters cheat.” The driving force behind this factor is to manipulate others by keeping secrets and avoiding honestly. It’s not about the new relationship, since there are countless examples of cheaters who simply go on to cheat on their next partner. They weren’t into the new person they were simply using the next person to fuel their need to keep a continual string of secret relationships to fuel their inner desire to avoid playing by the rules of society.

Generational patterns – there is an old saying in families that “the fruit doesn’t fall far from the tree” meaning that a parent or grandparent who models the secret lifestyle behavior creates the negative role model for the kids who are always watching to do the same thing. And they do. It can be uncanny how repetitive the cycle plays out in people who hit a certain age, (say 35 or so), and then do exactly what their father did at the same age. Family secrets can go on for generations until someone finds the faith to move beyond the past to build a better future. Until that happens it’s like they are following a script of making the same mistakes to pass along the generational pain.

Stress- often an affair isn’t driven by the desire to really swap partners, violate trust and shatter integrity, rather, it was based on an escape from pressure. Simply put, exhausted and desperate people do exhausted and desperate things. When a person becomes overwhelmed with the responsibilities and pressures of life they sometimes give up on things that don’t seem important at the time. A distant marriage is completely vulnerable to temptations from others because there is no solid foundation to hold it together during the stressful seasons of life. A stressed out person doesn’t have to choose an affair to deal with stress, but when they do it creates a whole new layer of pressure from trying to keep secrets – and sadly that generates substantial new stress. Stress relief cannot be found in creating new problems. Real relief comes from reaching out to get help from people who can pull you out of the pressure, instead of those who add more burdens to your life.

Distance- The old saying is wrong. Absence doesn’t make the heart grow fonder… it often just makes a person’s heart, eyes and hands begin to wander. Feeling alone in a relationship, either from emotional distance, or geographical distance that comes from a job with a lot of travel, can lead to seeking the company of other people than their marriage partner and that can be disastrous. It takes far less emotional and psychological energy to keep your current relationship together than it does to keep a secret lifestyle going on behind the scenes.

Leaks - When people feel like they ‘leak’ or have a continual need to hear the praise and compliments from others they are open to stumble and struggle with temptation. When a person is constantly looking for someone to fill the void inside, the emptiness leads to making bad decisions and desperate attempts at finding fulfillment. Better to find true filling from healthy sources instead of making the ‘leaks’ bigger with bad decisions.

Acceptance – Everyone longs to feel a sense of connection, of belonging and approval. Finding validation from another person instead of from core values and beliefs that you hold inside can lead to the continual need for replacement. A healthy person has those needs for acceptance met in healthy ways, which improves their life instead of leading to a pattern of continual problems, secrets and lies. Being a person of deception, secrets and lies won’t make someone feel better inside, they feel worse! The deepest psychological and spiritual needs cannot be met through wrong choices, and when someone sees that truth it is transformational.

Boring Brain Chemistry creates Bad-Boy Behavior
Once the excitement of the new relationship wears off, many people choose to chase the intense feelings which can only come from the infatuation of an affair. Don’t discount the brain chemistry that causes infatuation, because it literally feels like oxygen to the person experiencing it and that they can’t live without it, (Think of the life or death struggle that the Greek hero Ulysses faced with the deadly Sirens in Homer’s classic Greek story of “The Odyssey”). However it is an unsustainable emotion because it is created from the sparks of being with someone new and exciting. The longer a relationship goes, the less infatuation can create enough brain chemistry to connect two desperate souls who must be together or they will simply die. This sounds like a high-school play of “Romeo and Juliet” because it basically is. Adolescent relationships are driven by surges of hormones and chemistry more than self-control and sincere commitment. Healthy people don’t ruin their lives chasing impulsive urges, they protect the stability of their relationships by making wise choices.

No such thing as “Soul-Mates”
The concept that you have a single ‘soul-mate’ who is the perfect partner that can totally “complete you,” (remember Tom Cruise tearfully saying that in the film Jerry Maguire?) really sells movie tickets, but it simply isn’t real. The hard reality isn’t that Americans marry and divorce more than any country in the world, which they do. The hardest reality, (reported in a Time magazine cover story) is that Americans divorce more than any country in the HISTORY of the world! And a large part of that partner swapping is driven by the false belief that the next person will be a lucky catch way better than the loser you are stuck with now.

The soul-mate concept is a common reason why people leave one partner for the next. But don’t miss the statistical reality that the pattern continues. (Divorce rates are much higher in for people in multiple marriages, or what some researchers call ‘serial monogamy’). Searching for the next soul-mate to complete you just a little better than the last one did may be why romance writers have a job, but it won’t create any stability in the relationship you currently have – only the desperate longing that you are missing out on happiness by being with the wrong partner. So people who cling to this belief practice the philosophy of an old rock n’roll lyric that says…”If you can’t be with the one you love – love the one you’re with!”

Sorry, no soul-mates, just different people with different levels of maturity and development. Healthy people can have healthy relationships with hundreds of others, including the self-control to make a single relationship the most satisfying.

Promise Keeping instead of Promise Breaking
The bottom line on breaking a cheating lifestyle is to change to invest time and energy in keeping the promises you made, instead of spending time, energy and money desperately trying to chase another person to create a little happiness. Over time it takes a lot more work to keep a secret lifestyle going than it does to simply work on the relationship you have. Trading a stable life for the hope of something better doesn’t work out for the majority of people who attempt it. The research shows that people divorce at significantly higher levels when they move from partner to partner. There is more stability from making wise choices in reality than in chasing a fantasy image of being with ‘dream boat’ person who later turns out to be a ‘nightmare’. Keeping promises builds trust, integrity, character and a life of balance. Keeping promises is the opposite of cheating, and may seem boring compared to a “Las Vegas” lifestyle, but the long term benefits of a stable life are worth it.

The Best Deal!
How much better life is when people move from cheating to protecting character! If you know someone who has been cheating, reach out to them and challenge them to stop making impulsive choices that hurt others. If you have been hurt by a cheater, learn to set boundaries and study what the Bible teaches about forgiveness so that you don’t become overwhelmed by bitterness, resentment or rage inside. If the cheater and the cheated on decide to rebuild something great from the ruins of their shattered relationship - incredible things can and do happen.

The best deal is to live a life of integrity by keeping your word and holding your head high because you are a person respected by all. It takes real strength to consider rebuilding a ruined life or reputation, but real strength is available to those who are willing to let go of something they once thought good to embrace something they discover is great.

Life is about choices, and when a cheater stops to really study the reasons why they cheat it’s possible for them to turn their life from one of being known as a liar to become a person who can be trusted again. It takes time and often a lot of hard work by the former cheater but it’s well worth the trade. I challenge anyone caught cheating to make that trade because their life and their future legacy will be much more successful. Blessings follow the man or woman who turns their life around.

The Bible is full of stories of people who experienced a major heart change, which rippled into every other area of their life and people still talk about those positive changes thousands of years later. When a cheater gets honest enough to see that they really can change their life from the inside out; radical things begin to happen. A deceptive person can’t re-write a painful past, and so they stay stuck in the shadows of their secret life. But look at the difference when someone embraces the truth about ttheir life and reaches out, gets some help and takes bold action to write a better future. It becomes a success story that is told and retold for generations. So what are you waiting for? Start writing!

Reprint Permission- If this article helped you, you are invited to share it with your own list at work or church, forward it to friends and family or post it on your own site or blog. Just leave it intact and do not alter it in any way. Any links must remain in the article. Please include the following paragraph in your reprint.

"Reprinted with permission from the LifeWorks Group weekly eNews, (Copyright, 2004-2010), To subscribe to this valuable counseling and coaching resource visit www.LifeWorksGroup.org or call 407-647-7005"

About the author- Dwight Bain is dedicated to helping people achieve greater results. He is a Nationally Certified Counselor, Certified Life Coach and Certified Family Law Mediator in practice since 1984 with a primary focus on solving crisis events and managing major change.

2010-01-14T15:36:00.001-08:00

Hope for those helping Haiti- Disaster Resources for Rapid Psychological Recovery at the LifeWorks Group sposored site: www.StormStress.com

2010-01-10T11:43:00.001-08:00

Strategic Coaching- Make a list of the mistakes you learned from last year & what you will do differently this year for maximum success

2009-12-27T19:32:00.001-08:00

"To walk and not faint is the hightest stretch possible as a measure of strength." -Oswald Chambers ...so no matter what, just keep walking

2009-12-27T19:04:00.001-08:00

Reward customer loyalty at as many touchpoints as possible across your entire enterprise. online, point of sale & calls. source: Media Week

2009-12-27T19:00:00.001-08:00

Media Week's Loyalty Marketing Strategy
1. Target Millennials
2. Cultivate champion customers
3. Explore partnerships
4. Stick with it

2009-12-27T18:53:00.001-08:00

"The only thing standing between one big creative idea and success is about a million small creative soultions." -The Disney Imagineers

2009-12-27T18:50:00.001-08:00

"History is change happening one person at a time." - Matt Damon # quote

Is your Marriage Partner a Cheater?

2009-12-01T21:25:00.000-08:00

Is your Marriage Partner Cheating?

What are the most common signs of a partner who is cheating in the marriage? Here is a rapid analysis of the most common warning signs. Simply check off any traits you have seen in your relationship over the last 6 – 12 months. Be honest, because the future of your relationship together could depend on it.

Spiritual
____ You find your partner has been lying to you about a variety of topics
____ Your partner abandons their religious belief system
____ Your spouse seems more secretive or deceptive
____ Abandoning faith or previously held values or morals
____ Not trustworthy or constant violations of trust
____ Secrecy or unusual activity that is very out of character for them
____ Your partner is disrespectful or rude to those who hold traditional values

Behavioral
____ Mate is working longer hours on the job and not coming home as much
____ Your spouse has become lazy, especially with household responsibilities
____ Working late every day, with no noticeable increase of income or volume of work
____ Leaving very early for work
____ Increased use of the internet, emails, IM’s, texts, Facebook or Twitter
____ Unaccounted for time away from home
____ Additional mileage on odometer for no apparent reason
____ Smelling of perfume, nicotine or alcohol, like they have been to a club- not work
____ Increased use of alcohol/tobacco
____ Increased use of personal pager or cell phone, especially at odd times
____ New clothing or hair style, with tremendous attention to outward appearance
____ Increase in exercise/personal grooming
____ No longer wearing a wedding ring
____ Taking trips alone to the store or coffee shop, often for unexplained reasons

Financial
____ You notice charges on credit card statement that don’t make sense
____ Money becomes more of an issue between the two of you
____ Frequent fights over spending
____ Hiding phone bills or travel expenses
____ Lying about raises, bonuses, or overtime pay
____ Discovering secret checking accounts, savings accounts, credit cards, or PO boxes
____ Unexplained purchases on credit card bills
____ An increase in ATM cash withdrawals for no logical reason
____ Purchases of flowers, jewelry, lingerie, perfume, or other intimate gift items that the spouse didn’t receive
____ Discovering financial records (cancelled checks or utility bills) that indicate spouse has a separate residence

Emotional
____ Your spouse in indifferent to family events like birthdays, holidays, or family vacations
____ Your spouse seems bored. Bored with you, with their job, with kids, with hobbies, and basically with home life in general
____ Your spouse seems to want danger or thrills in their life
____ Your spouse has low self-esteem or insecurity about themselves
____ You notice your spouse has a sense of confusion about their identity
____ Your spouse gets very defensive if you mention suspicion of infidelity or affairs
____ Saying “It’s in your imagination” is a common excuse for their actions

Relational
____ Your spouse is suddenly more attentive to others than usual
____ Your spouse is dressing nicer, looking nicer to everyone but you
____ They don’t want to go anywhere or do anything with you anymore
____ You feel as if you are being avoided by your spouse
____ You have considerably less intimacy in your relationship
____ You notice less affection, kindness or tender connections in your relationship
____ You sex life is practically non-existent
____ You can’t get your spouse to communicate with you
____ You can’t even get your mate to fight with you because they are so detached
____ You spot withdrawal or restlessness when they have home or church activities
____ Leaving home during an argument instead of staying and working it out
____ They have new friends that you’ve never met or are not allowed to meet
____ Hang up or anonymous phone calls at your house
____ No longer interested in you or the things important to you
____ New sexual techniques or the pressure to perform uncomfortable sexual behaviors
____ Finding birth control items hidden away in secret places
____ Finding new or hidden lingerie/ sexy undergarments
____ Unusually close to a ‘friend’ of the opposite sex who they talk about often
____ Saying “I need space” from the relationship or home responsibilities
____ Saying “You should go on with your life” or “I’m not good enough for you”
____ Separation is not only to move out – but clearly to move on

Predictable Stages of Adultery

Nearly all affairs follow very specific patters they generally fall into six stages, according to several leading researchers which can last for a period of weeks, months or in rare cases, for years.

Adultery Level One- Conversational
They develop a close emotional bond. Sometimes it occurs on the Internet, at work, or in the neighborhood. They get to know each other. There’s a spark. They want more.

Adultery Level Two- Secrets & Lies
Things are heating up by keeping feelings for the other person a total secret. Lies, deception and cover-ups fuel the fire of lustful desire even more. They don’t tell their spouse or friends that they are attracted emotionally or romantically to this person. Fantasy is very powerful and pushes the secret relationship deeper into the shadows and darkness.

Adultery Level Three- Romantic Dating
They meet for lunch, workout together or play tennis. Even though a casual observer would call this type of relationship ‘dating’ the new lovers may not see it that way and fiercely defend their actions as innocent. They start seeing and doing everything together. They begin to tell themselves that this is just a work pal, just a friend, but can’t deny that they dress special and look forward to being with them, even for the most mundane of activities.

Adultery Level Four- Fatal Attraction
The romance and secrets keep heating up the secret relationship until an explosion of physical desire creates sexual contact. They justify that it “just happened” and can’t explain their actions, yet want more of the forbidden fruit.

Adultery Level Five- Discovery & Decisions
The secret affair is discovered by someone and a decision must be made to stop the lies, set boundaries and seek professional help to restore or to move forward with the new person.

Adultery Level Six- Restoration or Separation
Research shows that an overwhelming majority of people caught in an affair decide to restore their marriage. They say good bye to the secret lover for good and take bold steps to restore trust into the relationship. In seriously damaged relationships they may move out and move on to begin the process of ending the marriage through divorce to start with someone new.

How can you tell if a Relationship is really Friends or Lovers?

Secrecy-
You meet or talk with someone of the opposite sex you are romantically attracted to and feel that you can’t tell your spouse. This includes Internet, email, social networks, chat rooms, text messaging or Twitter.

Emotional Affairs-
Confiding things you are reluctant to tell your spouse creates emotional intimacy that grows greater in the new friendship than in the marriage. A common pattern is confining negative things about your marriage to the new partner. This is boldly signaling that, “I am vulnerable” or I’m available”, which tends to heat things up with the new person.

Sexual Chemistry-
It can occur even if both people don’t actually touch. Saying suggestive things to a new person, like, “I’m attracted to you,” or “I thought about you last night, but because I’m married I can’t do anything about it.” This tremendously increases the sexual tension by creating the desire to taste the ‘forbidden fruit.’

Side by side or face to face?
Remember the old saying – “Friends stand side by side, while lovers stand face to face,” We all need friends who support us and who encourage us to honor our commitments. Lovers are motivated to use the relationship to meet their needs and neglect other family members. One relationship is about adding value to the other person to meet their needs in a healthy and appropriate way, while the other is about immediate gratification to indulge selfish desires.

Friends will tell you truth and protect you from going down roads that will destroy the good things in your life. Lovers often play along with the deception, but everyone knows that the secret will one day come out and often in a shame filled way. When that happens, the chemistry of the affair is usually replaced by the despair of trying to rebuild broken trust. It can be done, but usually can’t be done alone.If you, or someone you care about is facing a secret affair- get help now!

Marriages can recover from shattered trust in time, but it is essential to have some professional guidance to prevent more pain. There are many options available to those who want to rebuild and I believe that is always for the best, no matter how complex the situation, there is a way to work things out if both people are just willing to try. Hey, someone you know might benefit from this resource, so help us to help them by sending it along with our prayer that they take bold action today, to avoid regrets tomorrow.

Reprint Permission- If this article helped you, you are invited to share it with your own list at work or church, forward it to friends and family or post it on your own site or blog. Just leave it intact. Please include the following paragraph in your reprint. "Reprinted with permission from the LifeWorks Group eNewsletter. Receive this valuable weekly resource by subscribing at www.LifeWorksGroup.org "

Can God Love you with a Low Credit Score?

2009-10-20T21:01:00.000-07:00

Will God Love Me if I have a Low Credit Score?
By Dwight Bain, Nationally Certified Counselor & Life Coach

Someone asked me this question recently, “Will God love me if I have a low credit score?” I couldn’t believe it! They were under so much pressure to be financially perfect they made the wrong connection between having limited financial resources and experiencing spiritual abundance. Your worth as a human being isn’t based on the amount of stuff you have or how you may appear to have it all together on the outside. The Bible says that God loves you, just because it’s you. Not because of wealth, good looks, a big house or great job. You don’t have to be perfect to experience God’s love, but you do have to reach out in dependence knowing that you need a relationship with Him. Prideful, independent people who push through life don’t stop to recognize their need for God until they are facing some type of crisis, (and in the crisis it’s always easier to reach out for God’s help). So the answer to the question is Yes, Yes, Yes!

God will love you if you have low credit, no credit or are homeless. His love for you isn’t based on your bank account. Consider this true story of some of the most powerful men on the planet before the US Great Depression in the 1930’s to see how fast wealth can go away, and how wrong priorities about money can end up destroying life.

The Great Depression changed the definition of Success

The 1920’s were referred to as the ‘roaring twenties’ because the US economy was doing so well after World War I. A group of the world's most successful and wealthiest men met at the Edgewater Beach Hotel in Chicago on a sunny day in 1923. Collectively, these powerful tycoons controlled more wealth than there was in the entire United States Treasury at the time. For year after year magazine and newspaper headlines had printed the stories of their business and financial successes and challenged the people of the world to follow their fine example of wealth management. However, here is the rest of the story of how their life ended after experiencing the financial collapse of the Great Depression.

1 - Charles Schwab - The president of the largest independent steel company - lived on borrowed money the last five years of his life, and died penniless.

2 - Richard Whitney - The president of the New York Stock Exchange - served time in Sing Sing prison.

3 - Albert Fall - A former member of the US President's Cabinet - was pardoned from prison so he could go home to die.

4 - Jesse Livermore - the greatest bear in Wall Street history at the time - committed suicide

5 - Leon Fraser - the president of the Bank of International Settlement - committed suicide.

6 - Ivar Krueger - the head of the world's greatest monopoly - committed suicide.

Worth is more important than Wealth

There have been countless numbers of powerful people since the Great Depression who have ended up with the same fate. When they lost their wealth it was like they had lost their worth. Your self-worth should be based out of your true identity inside… not based on your net financial worth on the outside. If you base your self-worth on your net-worth, then your moods will change by the day, perhaps even by the hour as financial markets are continually shifting with changing market conditions. If your self-worth is based on things that are eternal and unchanging, then your outlook on life will remain stable in spite of changing financial or career circumstances.

All of the men listed above learned how to make a great living for a while, but not one of them learned how to manage their life. They started well, looked strong but finished the race in disgrace. It is a terribly sad reminder of how true the words are spoken by Jesus thousands of years ago about people who put wealth ahead of worship. “For what does a man profit if he gains the whole world and loses his own soul?” (Matthew 16:26)

God loves you and wants a relationship with you, no matter what you have in your wallet. Rest in that good news as you make wise choices in your daily decisions that base your worth on who you are, not what you have. We all need to be aware of our finances, and to be good financial managers, as part of being a responsible and mature individual. However, money management isn’t the most important thing to God, you are! To give you some eternal perspective consider the rest of what Jesus taught on this subject, who said,

19"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 20But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. 24"No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money. 25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?
31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

So, does God just not care about money and financial stewardship? Of course not- God cares so much about wise financial management and accounting that there is an entire book of the Bible called “Numbers”. God sets a standard to be a wise financial manager of the resources He has placed in your hands. A good credit score is a reflection of a person who has been responsible to manage their bills and pay their expenses on time. It’s a reflection of financial discipline, not a reflection of personal value. And most of all, never forget that you are much more important and much more than just a number to God.

What can you do if your credit is shot because you’re behind on your bills?

Once you know God loves you in spite of low credit, it doesn’t take away the financial realities of being behind on bills. Yet what can you do if you are financially strapped without the resources to pay your bills on time? People feel pressure or even panic when they are out of control with money. It is a helpless feeling to have more bills than income so here are five principles to consider if you are facing money pressure to regain a feeling of control.

1) Mindset
You can control your mindset about finances by managing your intake of information. Don’t sit and watch financial shows on TV that make you more aware of your debt or your lack of income. That only drains away your mental energy to take positive action and can set you up for a spending relapse. Rather, focus your mind on things that will empower you to make positive changes.

2) Mood
You can control your mood about finances by choosing to manage what you do with your emotions. If you dwell on things that make you worry you will feel miserable and powerless. Instead take positive action to pray, journal, or talk to friends who have come through a tough time. Telling your story and listening to the stories of others will give you new strength.

3) Motivate
You can control your motivation by taking positive action. Being in a financial hole tends to rob energy to get up and do what you need to do. The longer you sit alone in the dark feeling afraid the further behind you will fall. Get up and reach out for help. There are wonderful organizations and individuals who can guide you to a stronger place financially without condemning you or making you feel like a failure. Google search groups like Crown Financial Concepts or Consumer Credit Counseling to find a support group near you.

4) Morale
You can control your morale, and that of your family who may be feeling overwhelmed financially by not letting every conversation be about money woes. Connect to positive people of faith, or read books of people who overcame incredible odds to find financial freedom. Author Dave Ramsey shares his testimony of how his family were near bankruptcy, yet worked together to find financial freedom, and now he travels the country to encourage others that they can make it out of a tough time by working together as a family with God’s help.

5) Message
You can control the message that you send by facing the truth of your financial situation with courage, instead of shame. Talk to your spouse, older children or close family about the changes that may need to take place to get back on track financially. Make calls to your creditors to let them know what’s going on because often they can provide some temporary financial relief through renegotiating the debt service. This will give you a sense of control of your finances, instead of your finances controlling you. Plus, it will help your family to grow along with you in faith, instead of you feeling like a failure alone. Stuffed emotional fears about finances can lead to desperation or isolation. Sharing those feelings will help you see that life is about more than money and that you are not facing your situation alone.

Finding greater Value because of great Pain

Finally, here are some encouraging words from my friend, psychologist Sandy Wilson in her book “Released from Shame” about how God can use a tough time to bring something positive on the other side. Listen to her words about Pearls.

“Pearls are the product of pain. For some unknown reason, the shell of the oyster gets pierced and an alien substance – like a grain of sand - slips inside. On the entry of that foreign irritant, all the resources within the tiny, sensitive oyster rush to the spot and begin to release healing fluids that otherwise would have remained dormant. By and by the irritant is covered and the wound is healed - by the pearl. No other gem has so fascinating a history. It is the symbol of stress - a healed wound... a precious, tiny jewel conceived through irritation, born of adversity, nursed by adjustments. Had there been no wounding, no irritating interruption, there could have been no pearl.”

God loves you and God can bring greater value to your life on the other side of a tough financial time, often by helping you see that what matters in life are the things that money can’t buy. As you gain a deeper spiritual faith, your life will feel more in control and you can feel peace instead of panic when facing a financial test, or any other test for that matter. And remember that there is no testimony without a test. So whatever you are facing today, may you be encouraged to walk through it with God. His love will always be there for you.

Reprint Permission- If this article was helpful you are invited to share it electronically or in print with your own list at work or church, forward it to friends and family or post it on your own site or blog. Just leave it intact and do not alter it in any way. Please include the following paragraph in your reprint and thanks for helping us to help others by spreading the word. "Reprinted with permission from the LifeWorks Group, www.LifeWorksGroup.org eNews (Copyright, 2004-2009, by the LifeWorks Group)"

About the author- Dwight Bain is dedicated to helping people achieve greater results. He is a Nationally Certified Counselor, Certified Life Coach and Certified Family Law Mediator in practice since 1984 with a primary focus on solving crisis events and managing major change. He partners with media, major corporations and non-profit organizations to make a positive difference in our culture. Access more counseling and coaching resources designed to save you time by solving stressful situations by visiting his counseling blog with almost 200 complimentary articles and special reports at www.LifeWorksGroup.org

Introverts, Extroverts and the 4 Personalities

2009-10-20T20:47:00.000-07:00

Introverts, Extroverts and the 4 Personalities
By Dwight Bain, Nationally Certified Counselor and Certified Life Coach

“Why did you do that?” asked Molly, a busy mother of three kids to her youngest and loudest child. “I don’t know” was the only reply, leaving Molly feeling really frustrated and helpless about what to do to figure out how to effectively parent her little boy.

What about you, have you ever wondered why the people around you do some of the things they do? Well if you do you are not alone because parents and pastors, scientists and doctors have been studying human personality for thousands of years to figure out how to respond to some of the seemingly odd things people do.

If you want to solve conflicts at home or work then you need to take time to map out the personalities around you. Personality is important to understand because it allows you to rapidly and intelligently respond to the continual situations that pop up in marriage or family relationships. If you want more peace and fewer power struggles then get your legal pad out as we work together to map out the personalities around you.

“I was Born that Way- so deal with it”

A common reaction that people use to justify their inappropriate behavior is that they were born that way, which is partially true. People really are born a certain way, designed by God for a purpose. We know the majority of your personality is already there when you are born, and the remainder of personality development comes from early childhood or school experiences. That’s why you will sometimes notice that a son or daughter may act or look remarkably like an uncle they have never even met. DNA makes us that way, but the good news is that we don’t have to stay that way! God made us all different, which can really be irritating to some, but remember, it is for His greater purposes. The key is to figure out why the people around you do the things they do so you know how to respond to achieve a greater result, and not be frustrated in the process.

The study of personality types, (or what authors Tim LaHaye and Florence Littauer call “Temperments&rdquo isn’t new, because Hippocrates, a Greek physician was the first to track 4 specific personalities hundreds of years before the time of Christ. He noticed that there were distinct differences in people, and through the centuries many other researcher have noticed the same. Here are some common elements to keep in mind as you begin to map out the personality of the people around you.

Introverts are the most common type of personality. These individuals are not necessarily shy, but they do prefer quiet. Introverts are energized by calm and peaceful settings, being out in nature, enjoying the environment, soothing music or entertainment and the company of a few close friends or pets. They get their emotional batteries charged through these type of experiences and are drained by large crowds and loud events, which is why they like to have space and not be crowed. When an introvert is under stress they tend to hold their emotions inside until they literally erupt with tears or anger and then when the flood of emotions pass they hate that they lost control of themselves.

Extroverted personalities are not as common, but they make up for it with volume. As you begin to map out the people in your life it’s not hard to spot these folks. They fill up a room with their oversized personalities. They are energized by loud events and lengthy experiences because they seem to never get enough and don’t want the day to end. Concerts, sports, parades, big cities, New Year parties, trade shows, theme parks, seminars; it doesn’t matter, because the louder and more crowded the better! Remember, they pull energy from the environment around them, (which exhausts the introverts who probably were coaxed into going with them). Their emotional batteries are charged up by these loud experiences and can go on and on like the Energizer Bunny™ seemingly for days without sleep when doing something they enjoy. You usually don’t have to guess about what they are thinking, because they sometimes impulsively just ‘tell it like it is’, which can hurt feelings of sensitive personalities, while giving them relief to have dumped their emotions out for others to deal with.

The four most common personality traits that Hippocrates noticed are listed for you to begin to map out your family members, coworkers and friends. And here’s a tip. If you take time to map out your own personality it’s a lot easier to spot traits in others, as well as know how to respond. Plus, there are the corresponding letters listed from the DiSC personality assessment, which is used in a lot of business and educational settings for your comparison in mapping out why the people around you do the things they do.

The 2 Extroverted Personality Types

The Choleric, (or high D on the DiSC) is a task oriented individual who prefers to be out front leading. This high energy individual is driven, ambitious, and usually goal oriented toward the things that are important to them. This personality group like to lead and motivate others to accomplish their goals and can sometimes overpower others or step on their feelings. Leaders in politics, the military and business are often from this group, which is the smallest percentage of the 4 types, but by far the most aggressive. On a negative note, Choleric personalities can become easily angry or moody when things don’t go their way and aren’t afraid to create a conflict to get people moving toward the goals. In the Bible the Apostle Paul is most like the powerful Choleric personality.

The Sanguine, (or high I on the DiSC), is a people oriented person who loves to have a good time, sometimes at the expense of others. They fill up a room as the loudest of the two extroverted personalities and are often great verbal communicators, which is why they love to be on stage entertaining others. Sanguine personalities love to meet new people, but often forget their names the moment they meet them! Leaders in entertainment, comedy, media, drama, ministry, public speaking and music are often from this group. Rarely on time, the Sanguine personality can be impulsive, unmotivated and can come across as egotistical and self-absorbed but usually don’t really mean to hurt the feelings of others. They are just so busy in their world that they forget there are 7 billion other people on the planet too. In the Bible the Apostle Peter is most like the popular Sanguine personality.

The 2 Introverted Personality Types

The Phlegmatic, (or high S on the DiSC), is a people oriented person who likes to work at their own pace and not be pressured. They absolutely hate conflict and will do just about anything to get along with others. This is by far the largest personality group, since over half of people you meet are likely to be oriented as a Phlegmatic. They may have great ideas, but are sometimes too shy or embarrassed to step out and voice them, much to the frustration of the people who can see past their lack of confidence to spot their real potential. This group likes to have a few close family or friends and like to spend all of their time with the people they already know, so they don’t venture out very far to make new acquaintances. This is why the loss of a friend from a move or breakup can be so devastating to a Phlegmatic because they aren’t usually comfortable going out to meet strangers. They are stable and likeable people who can have great success in management, administration, nursing or education. The most loyal of the 4 personalities, they are also the most sensitive. They are gentle and compassionate individuals with big hearts which allow them to quickly spot the needs of others, but can easily get their own feelings hurt because of this overly sensitive side. They don’t like change and love to keep life predictable; which is why they work so hard to keep things stable in their family, school or work situation. The Biblical patriarch Abraham who was called “the friend of God” is a great example of a peaceful Phlegmatic personality.

The Melancholic, (or high C on the DiSC), is a task oriented personality who can be organized and overly conscious of details which is why they are considered by many to be perfectionistic; but only at the things which are important to them. They are often the most creative of the 4 personality types, both in the arts or in solving complex problems. This personality type is likely to be so quiet that they don’t reach out to make a lot of friends, but can be gentle and compassionate when you take time to get to know them. They think far more than talk, so when they voice their opinion they usually have a lot to say. That’s why you need to listen carefully to Melancholic’s since they may go back into what some people call their introverted ‘cave’ because they often would prefer to spend time with their own thoughts than spending time with others. They can be moody from suppressing so many emotions, which can come across as depressive, sullen, temperamental or critical. There are many careers where this personality can excel, because many authors, musicians, accountants, scientists and researchers have this trait. Perfect Melancholic’s are always driven to do things right so it is no wonder that the best example from the Bible is the great leader Moses who penned the ten commandments.

More to mapping out Personality

Remember, personality is a basic element inside each person, but there are also many factors to consider when mapping out the best approach to respond and achieve better results at home or at work. Birth-order, age, gender, family background, life experiences and education can heavily influence our behavior. If you want to explore this in greater detail, there are many books to guide your steps and here are a few to get you started:

Personality Plus- by Florence Littauer

Discovering your child design- by Ralph Mattson & Thom Black

Raising Children on Purpose- by Wesley H. Fleming

The Two Sides of Love- by Gary Smalley and John Trent

Plus, one of my daughter’s favorite children’s books called “The Treasure Tree” illustrates discovering personality for kids. It was written by my friends Gary Smalley & John Trent to help kids understand their unique design and includes a simple personality profile that corresponds to the characters in the book. Here’s a copy to use as you discover your own personality, or the person you are mapping to better understand.
Dr. Gary Smalley and Dr. John Trent's Rapid Personality Inventory

To balance our love with others, we’ve got to understand what particular personality strengths can push us toward either extreme. We’ve provided a short test that can help you recognize and value another person’s strengths as well as your own.

In the personal strength survey, circle a few simple words describing yourself. Then, with that information, we’ll show you specifically what your unique strengths are and why they make you such a valuable person in all your relationships.

To complete the instrument, just read through the four categories below (L, B, O, and G), and circle each word or phrase that seems to describe a consistent character trait of yours. Next, add up the number of words and phrases you circled in each category. Then double your score to come up with a total in each section.

L (Choleric)
Likes Authority, Confident, Firm, Enjoys Challenges, Problem Solver, Bold, Goal Driven, Strong-Willed, Self-Reliant, Persistent, Takes Charge, Determined, Enterprising, Competitive, Productive, Purposeful, Adventurous, Independent, Controlling, Action-Oriented

"Let's do it now!" Double the number Circled _____

O (Sanguine)
Enthusiastic, Visionary, Energetic, Promoter, Mixes Easily, Fun-Loving, Spontaneous, Creative, New Ideas, Optimistic, Infectious Laughter, Takes Risks, Motivator, Very Verbal, Friendly, Enjoys Popularity, Likes Variety, Enjoys Change, Group Oriented, Initiator, Inspirational

"Trust me! It'll work out!" Double the number Circled _____

G (Phlegmatic)
Sensitive Feelings, Calm, Non-Demanding, Avoids Confrontations, Enjoys Routine, Warm and elational, Adaptable, Thoughtful, Patient, Good Listener, Loyal, Even-Keeled, Gives In, Indecisive, Dislikes Change, Dry Humor, Sympathetic, Nurturing, Tolerant, Peace-Maker

"Let's keep things the way they are." Double the number Circled _____

B (Melancholic)
Enjoys Instruction, Consistent, Reserved, Practical, Factual, Perfectionist, Detailed, Inquisitive, Persistent, Sensitive, Accurate, Controlled, Predictable, Orderly, Conscientious, Discerning, Analytical, Precise, Scheduled, Deliberate

"How was it done in the past?" Double the number Circled _____

You’ve taken the test, but what does it all mean? The four letters at the top of each section stand for the four basic personality types, which we’ve chosen to picture by using animals: Lions, Beavers, Otters, and Golden Retrievers.

Scoring high on the L line are those we call LIONS. Lions are take charge leaders. They’re usually the bosses at work, or at least think they are! They’re decisive, bottom line folks who are doers, not watchers or listeners. They love to solve problems. Unfortunately, however, if the lions don’t learn to use both sides of love, their natural hard-side bent can cause problems with others.

Scoring high on the B line are those we call BEAVERS. Beavers have a strong need to do things right and by the book. In fact, they’re the kind who actually read the instruction manuals. They like maps, charts, and organization. And they’re great at providing quality control for a home or office. Because rules, consistency and high standards are so important to beavers, they often communicate the hard side of love to others just like the lion. Beavers have deep feelings for those they love. But learning to balance the two sides of love usually involves adding the ability to communicate that softness and warmth in a way that’s felt and clearly understood by others.

Scoring high on the O line are those we call OTTERS. Otters are excitable, fun-seeking, cheerleader types who love to yak, yak, yak. They’re great at motivating others and need to be in an environment where they get to talk and have a vote on major decisions. Otter’s outgoing nature makes them great networkers – they usually know people who know people who know people. The only problem is they usually don’t know everyone’s name. They can be very soft and encouraging with others (unless under pressure, when they tend to use their verbal skills to attack). But because of their strong desire to be liked, they can often fail to be hard on problems and cause further ones.

Scoring high on the G line are the GOLDEN RETRIEVERS. These people are just like their counter-parts in nature. If you could pick one word to describe them it would be loyalty. They’re so loyal, in fact, that they can absorb the most emotional pain and punishment in relationships and still stay committed. Golden retrievers are great listeners, empathizers and warm encouragers – all strong, soft side skills. But they tend to be such pleasers that they can have great difficulty in adding the hard side of love when it’s needed

Encouragement about Personality Mapping
God made each person for a special purpose, and when you discover your basic personality, you also can wisely map out so many major decisions in life, including the type of relationships, schools, churches or companies where you can most easily succeed. Personality helps determine the kind of hobbies, vacations and entertainment that you will most easily connect to. In short, life is easier when you know your personality and conflict is greatly reduced. If you want to know more, visit the websites of authors like John Trent, Gary Smalley or Florence Littauer or contact a counselor who specializes in personality testing to discover the dynamics that drive you and the people around you to do the things you do.

Reprint Permission- If this article helped you, you are invited to share it with your own list at work or church, forward it to friends and family or post it on your own site or blog. Just leave it intact and do not alter it in any way. Any links must remain in the article. Please include the following paragraph in your reprint."Reprinted with permission from the LifeWorks Group weekly eNews, (Copyright, 2004-2009), To subscribe to this valuable counseling and coaching resource visit www.LifeWorksGroup.org or call 407-647-7005"

About the author- Dwight Bain is dedicated to helping people achieve greater results. He is a Nationally Certified Counselor, Certified Life Coach and Certified Family Law Mediator in practice since 1984 with a primary focus on solving crisis events and managing major change.

Moviéndonos más allá de las presiones & problemas de la Vida

2009-10-19T21:45:00.000-07:00

Moviéndonos más allá de las presiones & problemas de la Vida
Una guía de recuperación sobre tensión y fatiga

Por: Dwight Bain, Consejero Nacional Certificado & Entrenador de Vida Certificado

Alguna vez se ha sentido completamente sobrecargado con la vida?

Ciertamente que a mi me ha pasado y probablemente a usted también en diversas ocasiones de la vida, puesto que cada uno sentimos presión sobre problemas en sus vidas. Sin embargo, los problemas y presiones son diferentes en diferentes etapas de la vida. Por ejemplo, para un adolescente su problema mas grande seria preocuparse porque no tiene una cita amorosa para la fiesta del prom, mientras que un padre podría preocuparse porque su hija tenga la cita amorosa con el muchacho incorrecto para la misma fiesta! La presión para una persona pudiera ser el sentimiento o pánico de no tener suficiente dinero, mientras para otra es estar sobrecargado por los impuestos que deben pagar por haber hecho más dinero del que esperaba. El aumento de tensión viene de varios ángulos que a menudo crean más grandes retos de salud de los que imaginamos. Cary Cooper, un profesor de la Universidad de Lancaster en Gran Bretaña, lo describe de esta manera, "La tensión, como asunto de salud; es probablemente la plaga negra del siglo 21."

La tensión, a menudo inicia pequeña, razón por la cual no lo pensamos mucho hasta que se vuelve incontrolable. Imagínese una serie de pequeños problemas aparentemente inofensivos que parecen saltar a través del día para crecer en intensidad como tornado en medio de un campo de maíz de Kansas a la hora de dormir. Si llegan uno a la vez pudiesen ser manejables, pero cuando son muchos juntos y parecen venir en docenas en diversas direcciones a la vez, se sienten como algo mas de lo que uno puede manejar … Es ahí cuando sabe que usted esta bajo sobrecarga de tensión y camino a quemarse. Y es eso lo que esta guía de recuperación en tensión pretende, ayudarle a identificar y aun de forma más importante, a solucionar.

Enfréntelo, la tensión diaria afecta todas las áreas de nuestras vidas y en alguna medida afecta a todo el mundo, pero no siempre de la misma forma. De acuerdo con una reciente encuesta "Harris" 75 por ciento de las personas dijeron que sintieron alguna o mucha tensión, mientras que el 23 por ciento experimentó muchísima tensión todos los días. Sus investigaciones cubrieron las 14 presiones más comunes que se creen ser causa de sobrecarga en tensiones, desde finanzas hasta la preocupación diaria sobre salud y hasta sentirse desconectado y solo en las relaciones.

Más de una en cada 5 personas se siente sobre cargada con tensión diariamente! - Estudio Harris

Las tensiones no resueltas pueden llevar al agotamiento que quema porque las presiones y problemas que pueden construirse en un área de la vida tienden a derramarse sobre otras áreas de la vida. Lo cual significa que no manejar la tensión y presión en un área de la vida, eventualmente tendrá un impacto negativo sobre las demás áreas como el nivel de energía, relaciones, salud, sueno, carrera, dinero, agendas, vida de hogar o aun dañar nuestro sentido en niveles de bienestar espiritual y emocional. La tensión comprime la cantidad de presión sicológica con la cual tenemos que lidiar, así sea que nos guste o no. Es por eso que tendemos a evadirlo, lo cual solo lo hace peor porque las tensiones diarias no resueltas pueden llevarnos a un nivel explosivo de pánico o si decidimos enfrentarlo, estas mismas presiones pueden ser rápidamente resueltas trayéndole a una posición de mayor paz y fortaleza interior.

LA TENSION PROVIENE DE SENTIMIENTOS FUERA DE CONTROL-

He aquí una declaración fundamental sobre moverse más allá de los cambios normales de la vida, sobreponiendo la tensión evitando quemazón- Usted tiene más control del que usted cree. Tiene mucho más poder para cambiar que lo que imagina. La Biblia enseña un principio sin limites sobre administrar la tensión cuando dice "Hermanos míos, gozaos profundamente cuando os halléis en diversas pruebas," (Santiago 1:2). Esto es porque las pruebas y retos nos empujan a lidiar con nuestros asuntos de carácter al crecer y cambiar. Una gran cantidad de presiones y problemas en nuestras vidas están basados en nuestra óptica sobre esos asuntos. Ve usted esas presiones y problemas como algo terrible que le ha de romper y dejarle más débil, o como presión positiva que eliminará inseguridades y temores para empujarle hacia el alcance de su potencial?

Desde la cuna hasta la tumba, la tensión afecta a todos, lo cual es buena noticia para algunos y no tan buena para otros. La no tan buena noticia es solo que no hay un lugar en el planeta en donde no tengas que lidiar con tensión porque nunca se acabara… Es parte de la vida. Si ve esto como malas noticias, por favor equilíbrelo con las buenas noticias de que es perfectamente parte normal del crecimiento a través de cada fase de la vida. Si, dije perfectamente normal porque cada uno tiene que lidiar con tensión si desean crecer fortalecidos. Se siente sobrecargado cuando hay tanto en tan corto periodo de tiempo, y con el ritmo rápido de la vida de estos días, todos estamos propensos a cargar con mucha tensión interna.

El investigador de tensiones, David Posen, MD, describe el problema de esta forma, "El problema causado por la tensión es la promoción de cambio en el mundo moderno. Usted casi no tiene tiempo para ajustar un cambio cuando ya tiene el próximo encima." Piense en ellos como un proceso que se ve como esta tabla:

La Vida causa Cambios
Los Cambios contienen Tensiones
Las Tensiones son difíciles de manejar
Y al otro lado de las tensiones hay fortaleza.

Crecemos en fortaleza mientras afrontamos situaciones que nos mueven adelante a través de la tensión y la presión para enfrentar nuestros temores yendo a un más profundo nivel de madurez y perspectiva. Así que, si su meta en la vida es tratar y hacer todo lo posible por evitar la tensión y presión entonces en alguna medida su meta es corta de vista, porque le dejará más débil e inmaduro que otros que enfrentan las tensiones con la ayuda de Dios para crecer más fuertes y llegar a ser más parecidos al propósito para el cual fueron diseñados a ser.

Síntomas de ALERTA sobre TENSIONES:

Como puede darse usted cuenta si usted tiene sobrecarga de tensión en vez de simplemente tener un mal día? Tome un minuto para mirar algunos de los síntomas siguientes de tensión que usted a sentido en forma regular en el ultimo mes. Mientras mas síntomas usted este experimentando en su físico, comportamiento, emociones, relaciones o vida espiritual, más grande la probabilidad de que usted de que este sobrecargado con tensión que lleva a fatiga en vez de crecer mas fuerte al otro lado de la tensión. (Recuerde, algunos de estos síntomas pueden indicar serios problemas de salud y deben ser conocidos por un medico o por un profesional certificado de la salud.

Síntomas de TENSION FISICA o de COMPORTAMIENTO:
__ Perdida de Energía __ Perdida de Sueno o Insomnio
__ Fatiga __ Indiferente o en nube mental
__ Boca Seca __ Ulceras
__ Dolores de Cabeza __ Migrañas
__ Fumar __ Respiración Corta
__ Falta de apetito __ Alcohol o abuso de drogas
__ Dependencia de Cafeína __ Inhabilidad para descansar
__ Sobre alimentación __ Presión arterial alta
__ Hiper-tensión __ I.B.S./Colitis
__ "Energía Nerviosa" __ Congestión de pecho o palpitaciones
__ Enfermedad Crónica __ Corazón acelerado
__ falta de apetito sexual __ Dolor crónico en coyunturas
__ Sin tiempo para relajarse __ Descuido de apariencia física
__ Dolor de espalda crónico __ Pesadillas o noches en terror
__ Incapaz de descansar __ llora fácil o no llora para nada
__ Preocupación de Salud __ tensión muscular (cuello/hombros)
__ Desorden en la piel __ desmayo o sensación de desmayo
__ Dolor abdominal __ Sudor o manos/pies fríos
__ Nausea o diarrea __ Creciente resfriado o síntomas

SINTOMAS de TENSION EMOTIONAL o RELACIONAL :
__ Dificultad de concentración __ Nerviosismo
__ Defensivo __ Fácil de irritación
__ Huir de los demás __ Critica o Sarcasmo
__ Retener problemas internos __ Adición a TV-Novelas, Deportes
__ Timidez __ Ansiedad o pánico
__ Apatía __ Evasión de emociones
__ Preocupación Financiera __ Vida en pasado o futuro
__ Poco humor __ "Apegamiento" o dependencia
__ Sin sentido de humor __ Sin compartir cargas con otros
__ Sentir desesperanza __ Sobre comprometido o sin balance
__ Sentir soledad __ Vida sin control
__ Falta de toma de Decisiones __ Sentimientos de fracaso
__ Olvido __ "Tipo A" personalidad impulsiva
__ Impaciencia __ Gran culpa o vergüenza
__ Perdida y dolor no resuelto __ Estado de alarma
__ Tension __ Depression or overwhelming sadness
__ Irritabilidad __ Confusión y opresión
__ Sobrecargado __ Decisiones impulsivas
__ Perfeccionismo __ Reducción productiva
__ Falta de descanso __ Distracción fácil

SINTOMAS DE TENSION ESPIRITUAL:
__ Evasión de necesidades espirituales __ Falta de Fe
__ Sin tiempo para orar __ Aumento de Dudas
__ Turbación interna __ Soledad Espiritual
__ Falta de paz o contentamiento __ Vacío Espiritual
__ Sin día de descanso __ Airado con Dios
__ Culpa pasada no resuelta __ Falta de paz interna
__ Dios parece estar "muy lejos" __ Creer que todos son hipócritas

Mientras más indicadores de advertencia son identificados por categoría o junto a múltiples categorías, mayor es la inclinación de tensión o "sobrecarga". Sin embargo, si tan solo unos pocos de estos síntomas relacionados con tensión están presentes, entonces no se preocupe por ello. En la vida la tensión es común, así que si un solo síntoma está presente, no es usualmente causa de alarma, sino una señal o dos, de que está usted vivo!

MOVIENDOSE DE TENSION A FORTALEZA

Una vez que se identifican los factores primarios que alimentan su tensión, entonces es tiempo de tomar acción positiva para cambiar. Algunas situaciones son tan complejas que usted no las puede manejar por si solo, pero puede tomar acción para moverse en la dirección correcta. Haga esto al hablar con otros abiertamente sobre lo que esta causando la presión.
Aun si usted siente que no puede hablar con alguien sobre sus problemas, usted puede orar sobre ellos, o escribir sus pensamientos en un diario. Recuerde, nadie puede resolver todos sus problemas por si solo, así que no tenga miedo de alcanzar gente a su derredor que lo pueda ayudar, como pastores, médicos, consejeros o llame por ayuda, (usted puede llamar al numero 211 en muchas ciudades para ser conectado con agencias de servicio social que están disponibles para ayudarle con las tensiones diarias). Usted siempre puede hacer algo positivo para enfrentar la tensión y la presión en su vida, pero necesita decidir tomar acción ahora antes que sus presiones aumenten y las cosas empeoren.

He aquí una serie de pasos pro activos que usted puede tomar cada día para construir su nivel personal de energía con estrategias para sobrellevar la tensión.
Mientras mayor acción positiva tome, más rápidamente se moverá de la tensión a fortaleza, mientras implementa las habilidades necesarias para hacer que su vida funcione mejor.

TECNICAS QUE AYUDAN CON TENSION FISICA Y DE COMPORTAMIENTO:
__ Dormir (7-9 horas) __ Dieta balanceada
__ Comidas regulares __ Respiración profunda
__ Ejercicio regular __ Tensión/relajamiento muscular
__ Abrazos/afecto __ Rutina regular diaria
__ Masaje __ Suficiente agua
__ Chequeos médicos o físicos __ Medicación (prescrita por su Doctor)
__ Tiempo en descanso o siestas __ Salir al sol
__ Caminata vigorosa __ Organizar tiempo y agenda
__ Aprender a usar un plan __ Tiempo regular en cama
__ Permítase tiempo extra en cosas __ Simplifique su estilo de vivir __ Elimine la acumulación __ Delegue o elimine eventos sin prioridad
__ Aprenda a organizar tareas __ Salga temprano,evite tapones de tráfico.

TECNICAS QUE AYUDAN CON TENSION EMOCIONAL Y RELACIONAL:
__ Tiempo de planeamiento __ Relaciones positivas
__ Construir estima positive __ Compartir sus cargas
__ Grupos de apoyo __ Consejería
__ Lidiar con problemas directamente __ Hablar abiertamente sobre enojo
__ Enfrentar el miedo abiertamente __ Reír y divertirse
__ Relajarse con amigos/familiares __ Lectura
__ Aprender a decir "No" __ Metas de corto plazo
__ pasatiempo/actividades __ Tomar nuevos retos
__ Aprender algo Nuevo __ Dejar el trabajo en el trabajo
__ Hacer bien a otros __ Lista de victorias y logros
__ Marca tu mismo paso __ Controlar el gasto
__ Documentar __ Administrar su carácter

TECNICAS QUE AYUDAN CON TENSION ESPIRITUAL:
__ Estudio Bíblico __ Aplicar principios bíblicos a la vida
__ Oración __ Eventos sociales/de recreo en iglesia
__ Adoración regular en casa de Fe
__ Música de Inspiración __ Unirse a grupo de apoyo en iglesia
__ Memorizar las escrituras __ Observe un día para descanso
__ Postes espirituales __ Mantenga prioridades en balance
__ Libros de inspiración __ Entienda que Dios le ama
__ "Re-crear" Energía espiritual __ Escuche mensajes de inspiración
__ Expresar mayor gratitud __ Experimente tiempo a solas con Dios
__ Eventos espirituales __ Talleres espirituales o clases
__ Perdonar para vivir __ Practique actos de bondad

Finalmente, recuerde el Viejo adagio que "Las cosas vienen para pasar - no para quedarse". No importa cuantos problemas esté atravesando hoy, estas han de pasar eventualmente. Si está en el camino correcto, moverse en dirección adecuada, traerá resultados adecuados. Es mi esperanza que usted comience ahora mismo a construir habilidades positivas que le lleven a manejar tensión en sus rutinas y vida diaria de forma que utilice tiempo y energía viviendo realmente en lugar de sentirse abatido. Usted no puede controlar el hecho de que la tensión venga a su vida, pero si puede controlar como manejarla y como responder a presiones y problemas que la vida trae a nuestro camino.
La opción es con miedo o enfrentando con disciplina y determinación. Un camino lleva al desgaste y el otro a estar mejor equipado como persona de fortaleza y carácter más sólido. Es tiempo de elegir un camino sabiamente, su vida y su salud serán mejores… o elegir pobremente y vivir en tranquila desesperación. Le reto a que sea hoy el tiempo de tomar acción valiente, para vivir mejor mientras se mueve más allá de las tensiones a vivir un nivel nuevo y exitoso.

Para más estudio sobre la recuperación de tensión, vaya a nuestras páginas cibernéticas:
www.webmd.com www.Family.org

NOTA: Siéntase libre en distribuir este recurso entre sus amigos, familia, compañeros de trabajo e iglesia, electrónicamente o impreso, bajo la premisa de que usted mantenga intacta la información sobre los autores en la parte inferior.

Sobre el Autor: Dwight Bain es un Consejero Nacional Certificado, Entrenador de Vida Certificado & Mediador Certificado en Ley de Familia. Practicante desde 1984 con foco primario en soluciones, eventos de crisis y manejo de cambios mayores.

Experto en incidentes críticos para administrar tensión con la oficina del Sheriff del condado de Orange; fundador de "StormStress.com" y entrenador para más de 1,500 grupos de negocios en tópico sobre cambios estratégicos para sobreponer grandes tensiones- tanto, personalmente como profesionalmente. El es un profesional y miembro de la Asociación Nacional de Oradores y aliados con corporaciones -organizaciones que hacen impacto positivo en nuestra cultura.

Obtenga recursos adicionales como complemento y entrenamiento en "The LifeWorks Group"'
Visitando su extensa publicación de "blog"; asi como reportes especiales diseñados para ahorrarle tiempo al resolver problemas estratégicamente en www.LifeworksGroup.org

Traducción a Español: cortesía de Sócrates Oscar Pérez Sperez7000@aol.com

Managing the change to let children grow up & leave home

2009-10-19T21:31:00.000-07:00

Parenting Launch Sequence - - -
Managing the change of letting go of children so they can launch into a successful life as young adults
By Dwight Bain, NCC, CLC, CFLM

Parents are told to give their children "roots and wings" from the time they are born until it is time to leave the nest, some twenty years later. I believe that the first part comes easier than the second, which may not come at all for some older adolescents these days. Let me explain a few factors to help you understand why some kids never seem to launch into early success as young adults.

Giving a child 'roots' is about shared traditions, Judeo-Christian values, personal accountability to a moral standard of behavior like the 10 commandments or the golden rule as well as providing a safe and loving home environment. I believe that most parents do their best to care and provide for their kids. I also believe that most parents try to build these core values into the heart of their kids which will always show up through their behavior and choices later on in life. If a child knows what they believe they are stronger and more focused to go through the teen years without getting hung up on the distractions and temptations that cause so many to stumble and fall.

Right from wrong is usually easy to spot

Frankly, I don't think most parents really struggle with knowing what they should be doing, because they know what they want their children to learn and if you ask them, they usually have a pretty clear vision of how they want their children to behave. It’s been my experience that most parents do their best to give their kids the strength of being deeply rooted into a personal belief system of some kind, especially in understanding right from wrong and how to respond to the world around them in a reasonable and responsible way.

If they aren't directly building these values into the lives of their kids, they are likely supplementing those values through Sunday school at church, some form of Christian values education (for instance, consider the great programs available through faith based groups like the YMCA), or exposure to positive messages through the entertainment and media they let their kids experience. Giving kids traditional family values will root them into knowing what they believe, but it won't always protect them when they are challenged by their peers as to why they believe it.

Most common fights are about the ‘flight plan’ between parent & child
So, how do you take a child that you have loved, cared for, taken care of and protected for their entire lifetime the right amount of space to 'fly' forward on their own wings? Let me warn you ahead of time, it's often hard to find the right level of balance on this subject and kids and parents often experience their greatest conflict during the teen years trying to figure out just the right level of responsibility and independence for each stage of life! Yet as hard as it may be for parents to even consider letting go of the children that they have invested so much time and energy into, it is essential for the child’s healthy development and inner strength as a person who will one day have to move out and move on as a young adult to tackle issues directly throughout their life without the security of knowing that mom and dad’s watchful care is always going to be near. The goal is for them to know what they believe, and when tested, to pass the test and live out those beliefs in spite of the pressures around them.

Dangerous truth- over-protective parents create weaker kids

Here's why this is such a problem for some loving parents. If you never let a child test their wings by moving a little further away from mom or dad's care, then sometimes they end up developing the symptoms of fear, extreme shyness or a social phobia and end up being afraid of moving forward in life. Not all kids will develop psychological or emotional fears because of overprotective parents, but it can be one of several factors that slows down their personal development and inner strength to move forward toward the next stage of life. Yes, we love our kids, but remember, part of that love is to equip them and prepare them to one day leave the nest to literally launch forward, just like a space shuttle launch sequence at Kennedy Space Center.

Think about all of the years of planning and thousands of challenges that have to be overcome to create a successful launch into space. Literally everything that takes place for the years leading up to a rocket or orbiter launch date is done to safely and strategically accomplish the goal of getting that rocket into space and to another place. That’s the driving force of those NASA engineers- to get that bird off the ground at Cape Canaveral and into orbit toward the stars.

I love the line from the movie, “Astronaut Farmer” (staring Billy Bob Thornton), where the father-in-law tells his wanna-be astronaut son-in-law, “I really respect you son. Most dad’s can’t get their families to share a meal at the table together and you- you’ve got your whole family dreaming together!” The film shows the power of never giving up on a life-long dream of orbiting the earth, and more importantly the courage, patience and teamwork of a whole family coming together to make that dream a reality.

Space flight can be a lot like parenting, we spend years getting them ready to have a successful launch because one day we know that we will have to do a launch sequence to countdown the days as they head out to another stage of life. This is the way that God designed it- kids are supposed to move out and move on to build lives of their own. If overprotective parents stall that process, it scrubs the launch and leaves the child stranded on the launch pad, while their peers are blasting off toward early success in life. No one wins and it often sets the child up for tremendous problems that could have been solved if the parents had taken a different and more directive approach.

Blast off- or blow up?

When kids are well equipped to launch into early success during their young adult years they soar and it’s a joy to watch. If you have ever seen a launch from Kennedy Space Center in Florida you know what I mean- words can hardly describe the power and the sheer excitement of knowing that not even gravity can stop that rocket from what it was designed to do- blast off toward the stars! However, when what I’ve been referring to as the parenting ‘launch sequence’ is interrupted by well meaning, (or sometimes fearful) parents they often blow up, because the kids crash in some way. Sadly, these days it seems there are more crashes than successful launches. (And you are probably thinking about someone you know stuck in this painful process right now).

So what to do? Here are some parenting tips to coach you through the process of parenting strategies through every stage of childhood to build strong kids now, so they can one day go out and build successful lives as adults. That’s a parent’s job, to give them the roots of belief and then equip them with the wings of healthy resources to fly.

When this process happens, a child grows through each stage of life with a better experience and then grows stronger from the momentum of moving forward in a powerful way because they were set up to win by parents who weren’t afraid to point them toward the stars and launch into the life that God designed for them to live.

Parenting Stages to build strong kids:

Here are some of the key developmental stages and strategies to guide you toward a successful launch with your child.

Birth to puberty, (ages 0-12)-

Kids need a 'caretaker' who can teach and help with daily tasks and skills while the child gradually is learning these skills from their parent, especially in the important areas of self-discipline and responsibility. Psychologist John Trent calls this process ‘soft love mixed with hard love’, (See “The Two Sides of Love” published by Focus on the Family Publishing, 1999)

Puberty to College Years, (12-21)-

The parenting strategy to use during the teen years is a combination of part counselor and part coach to help guide through the emotional issues of building relationships and dealing with hurt feelings; while balancing the tasks of learning to deal with difficulties in life and making wise educational or career choices.

College years to Adulthood, (21-30)

I believe that we always need our parents- it’s just that the need changes as we grow older. Little kids need a parent to help with personal hygiene, teens need their parents to help them develop healthy habits and by this stage young adults need honest advice and direction. These years are a great time for the parent/adult-child relationship to prosper since the young adult is out on their own dealing with life, yet still needs a 'consultant' to bounce ideas off of as their build a life independent of their parents to firmly establish a life of their own.

I want you to know that millions of other parents have successfully launched their child from birth toward adulthood and you can too. There is a sign in the launch control room of the Kennedy Space Center that says it well, “It takes a team- to launch a dream.”

Know that you are not alone in this process. There are hundreds of resources available at our website as well as links to dozens of other groups that are driven by the desire to help you experience the great joy of watching a dream take flight, as well as provide the tools and training to help you if you’ve already crashed to get past the nightmare and not be afraid to dream again about what your son or daughter could be when they launch into a life of their own.

Reprint Permission- If this article was helpful you are invited to share it with your own list at work, church, forward it to friends and family or post it on your own site or blog. Just leave it intact and do not alter it in any way. Any links must remain in the article. Please include the following in your reprint.

"Reprinted with permission from the LifeWorks Group weekly eNews (Copyright, 2004-2009), subscribe to this valuable counseling and coaching resource at www.LifeWorksGroup.org "

About the author- Dwight Bain is dedicated to helping people achieve greater results. He is a Nationally Certified Counselor, Certified Life Coach and Certified Family Law Mediator in practice since 1984 with a primary focus on solving crisis events and managing major change. He partners with media, major corporations and non-profit organizations to make a positive difference in our culture.

Will God still love me if I have a Low Credit Score?

2009-10-19T21:27:00.000-07:00

Will God Love Me if I have a Low Credit Score?
By Dwight Bain, Nationally Certified Counselor & Life Coach

Someone asked me this question recently, “Will God love me if I have a low credit score?” I couldn’t believe it! They were under so much pressure to be financially perfect they made the wrong connection between having limited financial resources and experiencing spiritual abundance. Your worth as a human being isn’t based on the amount of stuff you have or how you may appear to have it all together on the outside. The Bible says that God loves you, just because it’s you. Not because of wealth, good looks, a big house or great job. You don’t have to be perfect to experience God’s love, but you do have to reach out in dependence knowing that you need a relationship with Him. Prideful, independent people who push through life don’t stop to recognize their need for God until they are facing some type of crisis, (and in the crisis it’s always easier to reach out for God’s help). So the answer to the question is Yes, Yes, Yes!

God will love you if you have low credit, no credit or are homeless. His love for you isn’t based on your bank account. Consider this true story of some of the most powerful men on the planet before the US Great Depression in the 1930’s to see how fast wealth can go away, and how wrong priorities about money can end up destroying life.

The Great Depression changed the definition of Success

The 1920’s were referred to as the ‘roaring twenties’ because the US economy was doing so well after World War I. A group of the world's most successful and wealthiest men met at the Edgewater Beach Hotel in Chicago on a sunny day in 1923. Collectively, these powerful tycoons controlled more wealth than there was in the entire United States Treasury at the time. For year after year magazine and newspaper headlines had printed the stories of their business and financial successes and challenged the people of the world to follow their fine example of wealth management. However, here is the rest of the story of how their life ended after experiencing the financial collapse of the Great Depression.

1 - Charles Schwab - The president of the largest independent steel company - lived on borrowed money the last five years of his life, and died penniless.

2 - Richard Whitney - The president of the New York Stock Exchange - served time in Sing Sing prison.

3 - Albert Fall - A former member of the US President's Cabinet - was pardoned from prison so he could go home to die.

4 - Jesse Livermore - the greatest bear in Wall Street history at the time - committed suicide

5 - Leon Fraser - the president of the Bank of International Settlement - committed suicide.

6 - Ivar Krueger - the head of the world's greatest monopoly - committed suicide.

Worth is more important than Wealth

There have been countless numbers of powerful people since the Great Depression who have ended up with the same fate. When they lost their wealth it was like they had lost their worth. Your self-worth should be based out of your true identity inside… not based on your net financial worth on the outside. If you base your self-worth on your net-worth, then your moods will change by the day, perhaps even by the hour as financial markets are continually shifting with changing market conditions. If your self-worth is based on things that are eternal and unchanging, then your outlook on life will remain stable in spite of changing financial or career circumstances.

All of the men listed above learned how to make a great living for a while, but not one of them learned how to manage their life. They started well, looked strong but finished the race in disgrace. It is a terribly sad reminder of how true the words are spoken by Jesus thousands of years ago about people who put wealth ahead of worship. “For what does a man profit if he gains the whole world and loses his own soul?” (Matthew 16:26)

God loves you and wants a relationship with you, no matter what you have in your wallet. Rest in that good news as you make wise choices in your daily decisions that base your worth on who you are, not what you have. We all need to be aware of our finances, and to be good financial managers, as part of being a responsible and mature individual. However, money management isn’t the most important thing to God, you are! To give you some eternal perspective consider the rest of what Jesus taught on this subject, who said,

19"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 20But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
24"No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money.
25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?
31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

So, does God just not care about money and financial stewardship? Of course not- God cares so much about wise financial management and accounting that there is an entire book of the Bible called “Numbers”. God sets a standard to be a wise financial manager of the resources He has placed in your hands. A good credit score is a reflection of a person who has been responsible to manage their bills and pay their expenses on time. It’s a reflection of financial discipline, not a reflection of personal value. And most of all, never forget that you are much more important and much more than just a number to God.

What can you do if your credit is shot because you’re behind on your bills?

Once you know God loves you in spite of low credit, it doesn’t take away the financial realities of being behind on bills. Yet what can you do if you are financially strapped without the resources to pay your bills on time? People feel pressure or even panic when they are out of control with money. It is a helpless feeling to have more bills than income so here are five principles to consider if you are facing money pressure to regain a feeling of control.

1) Mindset
You can control your mindset about finances by managing your intake of information. Don’t sit and watch financial shows on TV that make you more aware of your debt or your lack of income. That only drains away your mental energy to take positive action and can set you up for a spending relapse. Rather, focus your mind on things that will empower you to make positive changes.

2) Mood
You can control your mood about finances by choosing to manage what you do with your emotions. If you dwell on things that make you worry you will feel miserable and powerless. Instead take positive action to pray, journal, or talk to friends who have come through a tough time. Telling your story and listening to the stories of others will give you new strength.

3) Motivate
You can control your motivation by taking positive action. Being in a financial hole tends to rob energy to get up and do what you need to do. The longer you sit alone in the dark feeling afraid the further behind you will fall. Get up and reach out for help. There are wonderful organizations and individuals who can guide you to a stronger place financially without condemning you or making you feel like a failure. Google search groups like Crown Financial Concepts or Consumer Credit Counseling to find a support group near you.

4) Morale
You can control your morale, and that of your family who may be feeling overwhelmed financially by not letting every conversation be about money woes. Connect to positive people of faith, or read books of people who overcame incredible odds to find financial freedom. Author Dave Ramsey shares his testimony of how his family were near bankruptcy, yet worked together to find financial freedom, and now he travels the country to encourage others that they can make it out of a tough time by working together as a family with God’s help.

5) Message
You can control the message that you send by facing the truth of your financial situation with courage, instead of shame. Talk to your spouse, older children or close family about the changes that may need to take place to get back on track financially. Make calls to your creditors to let them know what’s going on because often they can provide some temporary financial relief through renegotiating the debt service. This will give you a sense of control of your finances, instead of your finances controlling you. Plus, it will help your family to grow along with you in faith, instead of you feeling like a failure alone. Stuffed emotional fears about finances can lead to desperation or isolation. Sharing those feelings will help you see that life is about more than money and that you are not facing your situation alone.

Finding greater Value because of great Pain

Finally, here are some encouraging words from my friend, psychologist Sandy Wilson in her book “Released from Shame” about how God can use a tough time to bring something positive on the other side. Listen to her words about Pearls.

“Pearls are the product of pain. For some unknown reason, the shell of the oyster gets pierced and an alien substance – like a grain of sand - slips inside. On the entry of that foreign irritant, all the resources within the tiny, sensitive oyster rush to the spot and begin to release healing fluids that otherwise would have remained dormant. By and by the irritant is covered and the wound is healed - by the pearl. No other gem has so fascinating a history. It is the symbol of stress - a healed wound... a precious, tiny jewel conceived through irritation, born of adversity, nursed by adjustments. Had there been no wounding, no irritating interruption, there could have been no pearl.”

God loves you and God can bring greater value to your life on the other side of a tough financial time, often by helping you see that what matters in life are the things that money can’t buy. As you gain a deeper spiritual faith, your life will feel more in control and you can feel peace instead of panic when facing a financial test, or any other test for that matter. And remember that there is no testimony without a test. So whatever you are facing today, may you be encouraged to walk through it with God. His love will always be there for you.

Reprint Permission- If this article was helpful you are invited to share it electronically or in print with your own list at work or church, forward it to friends and family or post it on your own site or blog. Just leave it intact and do not alter it in any way. Please include the following paragraph in your reprint and thanks for helping us to help others by spreading the word. "Reprinted with permission from the LifeWorks Group, www.LifeWorksGroup.org eNews (Copyright, 2004-2009, by the LifeWorks Group)"

About the author- Dwight Bain is dedicated to helping people achieve greater results. He is a Nationally Certified Counselor, Certified Life Coach and Certified Family Law Mediator in practice since 1984 with a primary focus on solving crisis events and managing major change. He partners with media, major corporations and non-profit organizations to make a positive difference in our culture. Access more counseling and coaching resources designed to save you time by solving stressful situations by visiting his counseling blog with over 200 complimentary articles and special reports at www.LifeWorksGroup.org

2009-10-12T15:58:00.001-07:00

"There is more to your life than you ever thought. There is more to your story than what you have read." - Max Lucado

2009-10-12T14:28:00.001-07:00

"Spectacular achievements are always preceded by unspectacular preparation."-Roger Staubach - (Go Cowboys!)

2009-10-12T14:27:00.003-07:00

"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will."-Mahatma Gandhi

2009-10-12T14:27:00.001-07:00

"If the average person realized the power he wields over his life, he would live in a perpetual state of thanksgiving."-Earl Nightingale

2009-10-12T14:26:00.003-07:00

"The cyclone derives its powers from a calm center. So does a person."-Norman Vincent Peale

2009-10-12T14:26:00.001-07:00

"Every minute you spend in planning saves 10 minutes in execution; this gives you a 1,000 percent Return on Energy!"-Brian Tracy

2009-10-12T14:25:00.001-07:00

"The reason why most people face the future with apprehension instead of anticipation is because they don’t have it well designed."-Jim Rohn

2009-10-01T17:40:00.001-07:00

Heb.10:24 says- "Let us consider how to stir up one another toward love and good works." What are you doing to challenge others to grow?

2009-10-01T17:35:00.003-07:00

"My character determines whether or not truth can even be revealed in me." - Oswald Chambers

2009-10-01T17:35:00.001-07:00

"My vision of God is dependent upon the condition of my character." - Oswald Chambers

2009-09-29T17:32:00.001-07:00

Previewed film "Letters to God" from Possibility Pictures; GREAT story-in theaters 2010 www.letterstoGodthemovie.com

2009-09-28T17:59:00.001-07:00

"This is the day the Lord has made- I will rejoice and be glad" so you have a choice- rejoice or regrets. choose wisely

2009-09-28T17:55:00.001-07:00

Great way to turn still photos into fun videos with music for free- from the creative guys at www.Animoto.com

2009-09-28T17:49:00.001-07:00

"Character represents the inner life of a leader." - John Maxwell follow John's insights at http://ping.fm/Acim3

2009-09-28T14:42:00.001-07:00

The higher a leader goes the deeper his character must develop.The larger the outward privilege the larger the inward character must be. - John Maxwell

2009-09-09T18:42:00.001-07:00

Finished "The Energy Bus" by Jon Gordon over the weekend- excellent team building resource. More at www.theenergybus.com

2009-08-07T09:59:00.001-07:00

Read "The Noticer" by Andy Andrews! I read it on the way to Denver and cried on the plane-what a GREAT story. Thanks Andy for writing it!

2009-08-06T22:37:00.001-07:00

Bain family tips to solve conflict over technology, from MSNBC.com story http://ping.fm/umvAn

2009-08-06T22:22:00.001-07:00

“Say an encouraging word to another. Help another and you will be the one who benefits most.” - Jim Rohn, Master Coach

2009-07-24T15:27:00.001-07:00

Manage Angry Moods- YouTube link with LifeWorks counseling tips- http://ping.fm/nO4G5

2009-07-23T11:07:00.001-07:00

"Remember the six most expensive words in business are: 'We've always done it that way.' —Catherine DeVrye

2009-07-16T22:25:00.001-07:00

just read "The Noticer" by Andy Andrews... remarkable story! Highly recommend it if you need a new perspective on personal change

2009-07-16T22:24:00.001-07:00

"We must become the change we wish to see in the world." -Mahatma Gandhi

2009-07-16T22:23:00.001-07:00

"Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself." -Leo Tolstoy

2009-07-16T22:22:00.001-07:00

"God gave women intuition and femininity. Used properly, the combination easily jumbles the brain of any man I've ever met." -Farrah Fawcett

2009-07-16T22:21:00.003-07:00

"Imagination is everything. It is the preview of life's coming attractions." -Albert Einstein

2009-07-16T22:21:00.001-07:00

"The Bible says, 'If you wish to find, you must search.' I believe that is true, rarely does a good idea interrupt you." -Jim Rohn

2009-07-16T22:20:00.001-07:00

"Every minute you spend in planning saves 10 minutes in execution; this gives you a 1,000 percent Return on Energy!" -Brian Tracy

2009-07-06T18:17:00.001-07:00

All the adversity I've had in my life, has strengthened me. - Walt Disney

2009-07-06T17:55:00.003-07:00

You are the way you are because that's the way you want to be....

2009-07-06T17:55:00.001-07:00

...If you really wanted to be any different, you would be in the process of changing right now. -Fred Smith, founder of Federal Express

2009-06-26T15:41:00.001-07:00

Really cool site, www.Animoto.com to take your digital photos and convert into online videos for YouTube. Worth checking out.

2009-06-23T18:44:00.001-07:00

Learn how to turn frustration into fascination-you will learn more being fascinated by life than you will by being frustrated by it-Jim Rohn

2009-06-23T18:41:00.001-07:00

"Continuous effort — not strength or intelligence — is the key to unlocking our potential." -Winston Churchill

2009-06-23T18:40:00.001-07:00

Leadership is the capacity to translate vision into reality. - Warren G. Bennis

2009-06-23T18:39:00.001-07:00

Zig Ziglar teaches, "When your image improves, your performance improves." (Good reminder to keep growing inside to achieve more outside)

2009-06-23T18:37:00.003-07:00

I try to learn from the past, but I plan for the future by focusing elusively on the present. That's where the fun is. -Donald Trump

2009-06-23T18:37:00.001-07:00

Be sure you put your feet in the right place, then stand firm. -Abraham Lincoln

2009-06-23T18:33:00.001-07:00

1 in 4 adults read no books at all in the past year & most adults read less than 10 books in their lifetime after age 21 -Associated Press

2009-06-17T20:26:00.001-07:00

Spot trends to advance your business success by tracking emerging trends www.trendhunter.com - always pays to know what's coming next

2009-06-17T17:14:00.001-07:00

reminded a fellow speaker today about the value of www.websitegrader.com to rapidly analyze your site's effectiveness, easy to use & free

2009-06-16T21:17:00.001-07:00

Andy Beal tipped me off to this very new decision making engine, it's visual, highly interactive and fun: www.Hunch.com

2009-06-16T15:03:00.003-07:00

Material success may result in the accumulation of possessions; but only spiritual success will enable you to enjoy them. -Nido Qubein

2009-06-16T15:03:00.001-07:00

"Your company's most valuable asset is how it is known to it's customers." - Brian Tracy

2009-06-16T15:02:00.001-07:00

"Work as if you were to live a hundred years. Pray as if you were to die tomorrow." - Benjamin Franklin

2009-06-16T12:51:00.001-07:00

Want to research any film from a business perspective? Visit www.Boxofficemojo.com for a comprehensive analysis- plus it's a lot of fun

2009-06-16T08:12:00.001-07:00

Very cool! Free WiFi comes to all of metro Atlanta! http://ping.fm/q29Bk

2009-06-15T21:44:00.001-07:00

Favorite mapsite www.randmcnalley.com I like it much better than MapQuest-more direct routes which is good when you get lost as much as me

2009-06-13T20:22:00.001-07:00

There is no point at which you can say, “Well I’m successful now. I might as well take a nap. Carrie Fisher

2009-06-13T20:21:00.001-07:00

If you don't get outside every day you have not appreciated what God has done.It makes you grateful, and starts your day differently.-J.Cash

2009-06-13T20:19:00.001-07:00

“Writers will do anything to avoid writing.”- P.J. O’Rourke,

2009-06-13T20:18:00.001-07:00

"One of the things I learned the hard way was that it doesn't pay to get discouraged. Keeping busy and making optimism a way of life can restore your faith in yourself." - Lucille Ball

2009-06-13T20:17:00.001-07:00

"Just as the body cannot exist without blood, so the soul needs the matchless and pure strength of faith." -- Mahatma Gandhi

2009-06-13T19:42:00.001-07:00

Be sincere; be brief; be seated. - Franklin D. Roosevelt

2009-06-13T18:56:00.001-07:00

200,000 FaceBook user names in the first 3 minutes! Claim yours fast to protect your identity- http://ping.fm/97Pgb

2009-06-13T17:41:00.001-07:00

FAVORITE travel weather site. www.Wunderground.com ...is just plain fun... lots of real time national weather service info for travel safety

2009-06-13T15:26:00.001-07:00

"The Danger of Distant Dads" training with strategic parenting plan to build a godly legacy Sunday, in Henry Chapel, FBCOrlando, 9:25-10:30a

2009-06-13T12:48:00.001-07:00

The great Facebook official user name rush is on! Visit http://ping.fm/gdKL6 for the details on securing your FB name

2009-06-12T14:43:00.001-07:00

Great Counselor training w/ Orange County SWAT today, follow up on School Shooters in 2010, visit www.LifeWorksGroup.org to receive eUpdates

2009-06-11T08:32:00.001-07:00

Orlando Training with SWAT on Friday 9-noon, "The Psychology of School Shooters" no cost/Cont.educ provided by sponsor, RSVP at 407.281.7000

2009-06-09T22:04:00.001-07:00

Christian counseling blog- 175 articles, www.LifeWorksGroup.org or practical videos to make life work better www.YouTube.com/LifeWorksGroup

2009-06-09T21:15:00.001-07:00

Will God Love Me if I have a Low Credit Score?
By Dwight Bain, Nationally Certified Counselor & Life Coach

Someone asked me this question recently, “Will God love me if I have a low credit score?” I couldn’t believe it! They were under so much pressure to be financially perfect they made the wrong connection between having limited financial resources and experiencing spiritual abundance. Your worth as a human being isn’t based on the amount of stuff you have or how you may appear to have it all together on the outside. The Bible says that God loves you, just because it’s you. Not because of wealth, good looks, a big house or great job. You don’t have to be perfect to experience God’s love, but you do have to reach out in dependence knowing that you need a relationship with Him. Prideful, independent people who push through life don’t stop to recognize their need for God until they are facing some type of crisis, (and in the crisis it’s always easier to reach out for God’s help).

So the answer to the question is Yes, Yes, Yes!

God will love you if you have low credit, no credit or are homeless. His love for you isn’t based on your bank account. Consider this true story of some of the most powerful men on the planet before the US Great Depression in the 1930’s to see how fast wealth can go away, and how wrong priorities about money can end up destroying life.

The Great Depression changed the definition of Success

The 1920’s were referred to as the ‘roaring twenties’ because the US economy was doing so well after World War I. A group of the world's most successful and wealthiest men met at the Edgewater Beach Hotel in Chicago on a sunny day in 1923. Collectively, these powerful tycoons controlled more wealth than there was in the entire United States Treasury at the time. For year after year magazine and newspaper headlines had printed the stories of their business and financial successes and challenged the people of the world to follow their fine example of wealth management. However, here is the rest of the story of how their life ended after experiencing the financial collapse of the Great Depression.

1 - Charles Schwab - The president of the largest independent steel company - lived on borrowed money the last five years of his life, and died penniless.

2 - Richard Whitney - The president of the New York Stock Exchange - served time in Sing Sing prison.

3 - Albert Fall - A former member of the US President's Cabinet - was pardoned from prison so he could go home to die.

4 - Jesse Livermore - the greatest bear in Wall Street history at the time - committed suicide

5 - Leon Fraser - the president of the Bank of International Settlement - committed suicide.

6 - Ivar Krueger - the head of the world's greatest monopoly - committed suicide.

Worth is more important than Wealth

There have been countless numbers of powerful people since the Great Depression who have ended up with the same fate. When they lost their wealth it was like they had lost their worth. Your self-worth should be based out of your true identity inside… not based on your net financial worth on the outside. If you base your self-worth on your net-worth, then your moods will change by the day, perhaps even by the hour as financial markets are continually shifting with changing market conditions. If your self-worth is based on things that are eternal and unchanging, then your outlook on life will remain stable in spite of changing financial or career circumstances.

All of the men listed above learned how to make a great living for a while, but not one of them learned how to manage their life. They started well, looked strong but finished the race in disgrace. It is a terribly sad reminder of how true the words are spoken by Jesus thousands of years ago about people who put wealth ahead of worship. “For what does a man profit if he gains the whole world and loses his own soul?” (Matthew 16:26)

God loves you and wants a relationship with you, no matter what you have in your wallet. Rest in that good news as you make wise choices in your daily decisions that base your worth on who you are, not what you have. We all need to be aware of our finances, and to be good financial managers, as part of being a responsible and mature individual. However, money management isn’t the most important thing to God, you are! To give you some eternal perspective consider the rest of what Jesus taught on this subject, who said,

19"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 20But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
24"No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money.
25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?
31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
So, does God just not care about money and financial stewardship? Of course not- God cares so much about wise financial management and accounting that there is an entire book of the Bible called “Numbers”. God sets a standard to be a wise financial manager of the resources He has placed in your hands. A good credit score is a reflection of a person who has been responsible to manage their bills and pay their expenses on time. It’s a reflection of financial discipline, not a reflection of personal value. And most of all, never forget that you are much more important and much more than just a number to God.

What can you do if your credit is shot because you’re behind on your bills?

Once you know God loves you in spite of low credit, it doesn’t take away the financial realities of being behind on bills. Yet what can you do if you are financially strapped without the resources to pay your bills on time? People feel pressure or even panic when they are out of control with money. It is a helpless feeling to have more bills than income so here are five principles to consider if you are facing money pressure to regain a feeling of control.

1) Mindset
You can control your mindset about finances by managing your intake of information. Don’t sit and watch financial shows on TV that make you more aware of your debt or your lack of income. That only drains away your mental energy to take positive action and can set you up for a spending relapse. Rather, focus your mind on things that will empower you to make positive changes.

2) Mood
You can control your mood about finances by choosing to manage what you do with your emotions. If you dwell on things that make you worry you will feel miserable and powerless. Instead take positive action to pray, journal, or talk to friends who have come through a tough time. Telling your story and listening to the stories of others will give you new strength.

3) Motivate
You can control your motivation by taking positive action. Being in a financial hole tends to rob energy to get up and do what you need to do. The longer you sit alone in the dark feeling afraid the further behind you will fall. Get up and reach out for help. There are wonderful organizations and individuals who can guide you to a stronger place financially without condemning you or making you feel like a failure. Google search groups like Crown Financial Concepts or Consumer Credit Counseling to find a support group near you.

4) Morale
You can control your morale, and that of your family who may be feeling overwhelmed financially by not letting every conversation be about money woes. Connect to positive people of faith, or read books of people who overcame incredible odds to find financial freedom. Author Dave Ramsey shares his testimony of how his family were near bankruptcy, yet worked together to find financial freedom, and now he travels the country to encourage others that they can make it out of a tough time by working together as a family with God’s help.

5) Message
You can control the message that you send by facing the truth of your financial situation with courage, instead of shame. Talk to your spouse, older children or close family about the changes that may need to take place to get back on track financially. Make calls to your creditors to let them know what’s going on because often they can provide some temporary financial relief through renegotiating the debt service. This will give you a sense of control of your finances, instead of your finances controlling you. Plus, it will help your family to grow along with you in faith, instead of you feeling like a failure alone. Stuffed emotional fears about finances can lead to desperation or isolation. Sharing those feelings will help you see that life is about more than money and that you are not facing your situation alone.

Finding greater Value because of great Pain
Finally, here are some encouraging words from my friend, psychologist Sandy Wilson in her book “Released from Shame” about how God can use a tough time to bring something positive on the other side. Listen to her words about Pearls.

“Pearls are the product of pain. For some unknown reason, the shell of the oyster gets pierced and an alien substance – like a grain of sand - slips inside. On the entry of that foreign irritant, all the resources within the tiny, sensitive oyster rush to the spot and begin to release healing fluids that otherwise would have remained dormant. By and by the irritant is covered and the wound is healed - by the pearl. No other gem has so fascinating a history. It is the symbol of stress - a healed wound... a precious, tiny jewel conceived through irritation, born of adversity, nursed by adjustments. Had there been no wounding, no irritating interruption, there could have been no pearl.”

God loves you and God can bring greater value to your life on the other side of a tough financial time, often by helping you see that what matters in life are the things that money can’t buy. As you gain a deeper spiritual faith, your life will feel more in control and you can feel peace instead of panic when facing a financial test, or any other test for that matter. And remember that there is no testimony without a test. So whatever you are facing today, may you be encouraged to walk through it with God. His love will always be there for you.

Reprint Permission- If this article was helpful you are invited to share it electronically or in print with your own list at work or church, forward it to friends and family or post it on your own site or blog. Just leave it intact and do not alter it in any way. Please include the following paragraph in your reprint and thanks for helping us to help others by spreading the word. "Reprinted with permission from the LifeWorks Group, www.LifeWorksGroup.org eNews (Copyright, 2004-2009, by the LifeWorks Group)" About the author- Dwight Bain is dedicated to helping people achieve greater results. He is a Nationally Certified Counselor, Certified Life Coach and Certified Family Law Mediator in practice since 1984 with a primary focus on solving crisis events and managing major change. He partners with media, major corporations and non-profit organizations to make a positive difference in our culture. Access more counseling and coaching resources designed to save you time by solving stressful situations by visiting his counseling blog with almost 200 complimentary articles and special reports at www.LifeWorksGroup.org

2009-06-09T21:07:00.001-07:00

ORLANDO MAGIC!!!!!!!!!!
Winning 108-104
GO MAGIC!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-06-09T18:47:00.001-07:00

Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish - John Quincy Adams

2009-06-09T18:46:00.001-07:00

It takes as much courage to have tried and failed as it does to have tried and succeeded. - Anne Morrow Lindbergh

2009-06-09T18:40:00.001-07:00

"Some people regard discipline as a chore. For me, it is a kind of order that sets me free to fly."
- Julie Andrews